Forthnights

Money money money....

How important is money to you? How far are you willing to go, and what are you willing to sacrifice in the name of earning a good living?

I have asked myself this question many times. Everyone wants a good life... How many times have you looked enviously at people who seem to have it all.. that you could be just like them? I know I have. People who can go where they want, buy what they want, live where they want, do as they wish without having to ask the question "Can I afford it?"

The reality is, 80% of us all, who have to ask that question at some level.

I have said to others and to myself, that if I were not bonded to my current job, you wouldn't see me here. I will be somewhere in the middle east, in the middle of the dessert or in an oil rig, doing a job not many others are willing to do, and earning USD$200 per day. Or at least that is what I say to myself. After hearing countless true stories of people leaving the country and making their fortune in a few short years, how could you not want to go right? I mean, could you earn in a year what you would in 5 years. That is a lot of money by any standards. How come half the country hasn't left for such jobs yet?

On the other hand, I have my family and loved ones to think about. If I left, and earned my money, where would that leave them? Do I just abandon them? At some level, I guess filial piety does seem to kick in a bit. It just seems wrong to abandon my parents, now that they are at middle age. They did give birth to me, changed my diapers & fed me to the big buffalo I am today. I feel especialy responsible towards my mother. When I am with her, I feel very special kind of bond between us, that somehow, she knows how much I mean to her and how much she means to me. I'm not sure if its something every mother and son has.... she has told me many times, & some have observed that my mother clings on to me more that to my brother. In that sense, I feel that there is a special bond between us, that in a very intimate and unspoken way, we both know how important we are to each other. To her, I am still her 'hann hann boy' and she is still my 'ma'.... I don't know if this is a feeling every mother and son has..... But whatever it is, it is one of the strongest feelings that prevent me from going away, far away from her.

It's not like things are going bad for me in my current company. In fact, it is actuallly going rather well. I have slowly but steadly become a useful asset to my boss & company..... and I can tell that i enjoy his trust and confidence. People in the projects I am involved in call me my bosses right hand man. I'm not sure if they just mock me (due to my young age) or they are serious. I secretly found out that I'm actually being paid better than some of my colleagues (which are older than me). I was recently handed the company car to drive. I told him to sell off the car instead.. but he told me to drive it because if I rejected he would have to pass it to the 'next person' which was his very subtle hint to me on pecking orders in office..... I don't know if he's just pulling my leg or playing a joke on me, but recently over drinks.. he said he wanted to make me 'Operations Manager' instead of 'Project Engineer' that I am now.

I didn't know whether to take him seriously (he tends to change his mind a lot and say things as it goes)... I kept silent.. and told him lightly that the title doesn matter to me. What is important is the role & function I play.. and of course the pay I am getting! He could name me the CEO or the office boy for the matter, as long as I get the job done, and you pay me what I am worth.... Plus.. I'm only 24 for godness sake.. you seriously want to name me Operations Manager? Perhaps it was written all over my face, because the next thing he said to me was

"Don't worry, age does not matter.".....
"But experience does, you said so yourself.." I said.......
"You just learn on the job la...." was his reply...

I kept silent. Was this guy just trying to get my hopes high or was he serious? Of course, knowing my boss, the title was more formality that actual monetory. He was already paying me a good salary... and I was already doing some functions of an 'operations manager' eventhough I am still new at it all...

All this just makes me wonder.... what will I do at the end of my bond? Believe it or not, I am already halfway through my 3 year bond... and before you know it... the time will come when I will have to decide if i should stay where I am or leave for greener pastures. I confess.. one of my deepest fears is of underachieving.. of not living up to my full potential. I may not ever become a millionaire...or rich.. or even middle class... but at least, I must know that I tried... and that I really achieved all that I possibly could in this life as God has fated. In any case, I refuse to believe that God created me with little or no potential... so in that sense... its pressure to perform baby!..

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 10:12 pm Comments: 1