Bumi Kenyalang
Bumi Kenyalang = Land of the Hornbill
Land of the Hornbill = Sarawak, Borneo
Sarawak Borneo = My destination
Being my first time, I'm kind of nervous. Being a 'virgin' of the skies, it will be my first time flying, and i'll be doing it alone. What if i miss my flight? What if i take the wrong flight and end up at Papua New Genuie and be eaten by cannibals?
Yay, tomorrow afternoon I will be flying over to Bintulu Sarawak for a short 1 week stay at my friends place.
He promised (or rather insisted) to bring me to go eat bat meat and what have you, as well as to the bird parks since 'you city boys' are just so unaccustomed to seeing nature. Its a boring place he says, the kind of place that only tourist and out of towners would find interesting, so that would apply to me.
I doubt there will be as many interesting things to visit or take pictures of over there. After all, my friend stays in a jungle, right in front of the river and they travel by swinging tree to tree. Ok not really........ but he tells me coming from east Malaysia, most of us 'KLites' seem to think that way. In fact, Bintulu is famous for its bird parks, as well as the worlds largest (or one of it) LNG refineries.
This time around, my girlfriend will not be coming along, since she's working. So its just going to be us 2 bachelors and the whole town to ourselves! But I did promise my girlfriend that we'd go to Kota Kinabalu and climb Mount Kinabalu one day. (when I save up enough money that is). Its the highest mountain in South East Asia.
Anyway, thats all for now. Not sure if I'll have internet connection there, but I'll try to post some pictures (the least ugly ones!) of my visit once I get back.
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Early 1st impressions
Here's a funny thing that just happened;
I was just sitting in office, doing my own work on the computer. My boss comes over and talks to one of my colleagues. All of a sudden...
"Puuuuuuuuut...."He farted right there in front of everyone... all 3 of us.
"Man that feels good!" he says....
Hey, he's the boss, he owns the company, he can do whatever he likes..
Maybe I'm still new to all this corporate world thingy... But I'm pretty such in other companies, the bosses don't fart in the open and get proud about it!
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Gong Xi Fa Chai.. money money come!
Here’s a little observation: We Chinese are incredibly money minded.
As you might now, it’s Chinese New year now… Chinese New year is typified by a few things, and just for the sake of some general information (and boring you to death with our culture), here is a few points to note:
- Red is considered auspicious, and black is a big no no. CNY wouldn’t be CNY if it were in purple or blue. Its supposed to be the colour feared by some beast wanting to swallow the sun. Don’t be caught wearing black in the 15 days of CNY unless you are ready to forfeit your ang pau’s.
- Ang paus… Literally means red packet. Probably the single most awaited thing on CNY. If Christmas is all about the gifts, then CNY is all about the ang paus.. or rather what’s in it. As far as I know, the tradition was to just give a red packet to others with a gift inside, any gift. But these days, put anything less then a RM10 note, and you’ll get all the ‘cheapskate’ slandering our money-obsessed generation can possibly dish out.
- Fire-crackers. Supposedly, our ancient forefathers, in a bid to scare away that fearsome beast wanting to swallow the sun, set of tons and tons of fire crackers, hoping that the loud sounds would scare it away. I guess it worked since we are all still around. I’m starting to think this beast isn’t that fearsome after all. A few loud bangs, and some red packets and this ferocious sun-eating beast scurry away?
- Fish! In every reunion dinner, the night before CNY, the family gathers around to have a …well.. reunion dinner. Its about the only time every single on gets a license to totally pig out and stuff yourselves silly. Food during the reunion dinner is as lavish as the family can afford, and fish is a MUST, because in Mandarin, the word fish sounds like ‘extra’, or ‘more than enough’ … basically, you have more to spare. So we eat fish in hopes that we will have more than enough of everything, during the coming year. (The same reason why Chinese people hate the number 4, since it sounds like the word ‘die’, and love the number 8, which sounds like the word ‘prosper’)
- Chinese New Year songs! Now, I don’t know about the rest of the world, but in Malaysia, these songs are a must have for shopping malls. Songs which are always there like Chai Sen dao (God of Prosperity Arrives..or whatever), Gong Xi Fa Chai, Gong Xi Nie….etc etc….
Which really brings me to my point; its all about MONEY. When 2 chinese meet on CNY, we wish each other Gong Xi Fa Chai.. may you be prosperous, or rather, may you get rich! When we sing our songs we go, Chai Sen Tao! God of prosperity is here! Also, the unmarried among us would naturally expect a certain red packet to be given. The Chinese are hard working people. They slog it out all year long, and when chinese new year comes, they take a big break. Commerce comes to a standstill in Malaysia the way it does only during the CNY celebrations. So what do they do when they finally take a break from making money? Talk and sing about money of course! Not that we are an uncaring lot, we just love our money so much. You earn it all year long, and you brag about it, all week long during CNY.
By comparison, look at the Aidilfitri celebrations in Malaysia. For one, even they have started to adopt some of our culture. For instance that green packet containing money that the elders give to the youngsters seem strangely familiar. They too have the town splashed in green and buy new cloths for to celebrate. Not that its copyright though. But at least, during Aidilfitti, they have Zakat (donation money for the poor) in which every Muslim is bound by morality and law to donate. At least they dont sing about how soon they are going to get rich! They dont sing about your thriving business or money coming your way. At least they have songs to remind them about the poor and less fortunate.
So, when you look at it that way, yeah, we are all about money. Not the we are all money minded individuals. But for some reason, as a whole, our culture is one that is centered around money. I heard someone say to me once. "The Malays are united when they are poor, Berat sama dipikul. But when they get rich, they fight over the money." But it is quite the opposite for the Chinese. "They are united by money. But when you don't have it anymore, they leave you for greener pastures." It may be an overstatement, it maybe be only part of the story, but there can be no denying that there is some truth in it.
Happy Chinese New Year. Wishing you a prosperous year ahead in the year of the Boar!
9 to 5
I suddenly find myself in a room, full of strange men. There are 4 of them, and sitting there, I stick out like a sore thumb, for a variety of reasons. They look like roast chicken, I look like steam chicken. They are 30 something and married, I'm fresh out of college (though technically I'm not) 10 and I sure as ain't married. There are only 2 things we have in common; we are all men, and we all work there.
Just the other day, I was a college boy, going for classes, horsing around, skipping class. Suddenly, I am now Mr....... of company ........ making business phone calls here and there, dealing with spreadsheets, diagrams, charts, negotiating million dollar deals...... OK, maybe not entirely, but I certainly made a few business calls, and I did represent the company to purchase something. But sadly, it was literally a mail box. :-P
For now, I am staying at my brothers place since it is (marginally) nearer to where I work, and where I will probably work for at least the next 3 years of my life. Its not all that bad; its an engineering company, the boss is (reasonably) friendly, work is flexible and for these 2 months of 'holiday working', the Boss has given me a rather generous allowance. I won't mention figures, but it is definitely a little on the high side, considering they are such a small company, with only 4 full time staff, not that I'm complaining or anything!
Since I started work, I have had access to broadband on a daily basis, which is really nice, but since i moved into my brothers place, its been hard to find some private moments to write my post. We share the PC, so I can only write things when no one is around! (like now). But ever since I started work ( a grand total of 2 days now), I feel a little lonely, to be honest. I cant talk to my girlfriend since I'm at work, my friends have gone back to their home towns, I cant blog, and being all guys, my colleagues generally keep the chatter to the minimum.
So here's what i have been doing. I check my personal e-mail almost every hour, hoping to receive some e-mail, and I look at my phone every other time. Since i have lunch alone, I will send a message to my girlfriend, and then spend the next 10 minutes wondering who else could I contact. In the end, lunch break ends and its time to go back to office.
Man, am I pathetic or what? HmmMmmMmMMm.... but I'm not too concerned, things will be alright. Its strange sometimes; when you have company, you sometimes think you want to be alone. When you are alone, you then suddenly want some company! Isnt that so typically human of us all?
But there is light at the end of the tunnel, with my rather generous pay, I will finally be able to buy that camera I've been wanting1 Yeeeesssssss....... Buuuuaaahahahahahahahaha......
*cough*cough*
Sorry, have to work on that evil laugh.
Our little secret
"Take this, don't tell anyone."
She quietly held my hand and slipped it to me. I didn't have to look to know what it was. Though I never expected this to happen, the moment she sat close beside me, I knew.
"I can't take this Auntie, I have done nothing to deserve it.", I said.
"I know how it feels like to go to a foreign land. You will need it."
There was nothing much i could do beyond saying Thank you. I wanted to hug this 3rd aunt of mine, but such a sudden show of emotion would have been out of place. After all, all my relatives, along with my brother were around the living room, stomachs filled to the brim after the reunion dinner. All these years, i have not thought much of my relatives. I dont really like them, with perhaps a few exceptions, and this was one of them. My third Aunt and her husband have been living in America for as long as I have been born.
She used to live somewhere near Niagra Falls I think (from the pictures) , but they moved to California once, and now lived in Florida. I never got to see much of her, but i knew that my father was closest to this sister, among all his siblings. For some reason, among all of them, I still regarded her and her husband highly. She was a nurse, and he was a Pastor in a hospital Chapel.
I slipped the US$100 bill into my pocket. It was meant to save me from a tight spot when I am in the UK. There was a lot racing through my mind. I was thinking about how how things were going to turn out in a years time. Will I be happy working in my new place? Should I consider getting a car? Can I even
afford it? Will i ever get anywhere? Then, there was the immediate concerns. What happened with my mother? Why did she change her mind all of a sudden? What time should we leave the house to go pick her up later? For reasons only known to her, she made a last minute decision to come down to Kl again to stay with us, hopefully this time for good. She said she could no longer get along with the people there. My brother and i just sigh in surrender. We were tired; I was tired of dealing with all of this.
As we sat in the car, on the way to the bus stop, I contemplated telling my brother about the hundred dollar bill. After all, it was only the right thing to do. Though she did say "dont tell anyone", I knew that it didnt really apply to my own brother. But for some reason, I was reluctant to share this piece of information, and decided against it. Perhaps I felt that it was my secret to keep. It was only to be used in emergency, and only in emergency would i reveal it. I know its not a very popular decision, but the heck with it.
We waited for a grand total of 2 hours for my mothers bus to arrive. She looked thinner, but without that worn look on her face. I knew she was being well taken care of over there. As we returned home, she revealed her tale, telling us about her stay in the local Gospel Hall, about her attempt at finding odd jobs and such. Nothing out of the unusual, everything you would expect my mother to do; things normal people wouldnt do, but my mother was no normal person. In a way of her own, my mother never bothered to conform to social norms. It is something I dread and respect at the same time. Despite the odds, she has managed to save almost a thousand ringgit to her name, without spending much. Its impressive to say the least, considering she has no proper job. But dig deeper, and you know just how hard she works for it. She washed dishes, she stayed in shelter homes, she asked for food from strangers, she lines up for social welfare money.
In any case, I am glad that she is home again, at her own doing. I told my brother I would not mention the issue of medication for this festive holidays, but once the Lunar new year was over, we would have to sit down and talk about it. My stand has not changed, and she knows it.
In the mean time, I am moving again. Already, I have packed much of my things, ready to be transported to my brothers home. My girlfriend has chartered a lorry to move all her things to her new place with her younger brother. I have been busy packing and hunting for boxed these few days. The 2 things that perhaps bother me the most are this:
The lack of privacy. Since I'll be moving into my brothers place, i guess i wont get much privacy as before, specifically on the computer. since it is going to be put outside. That means I cant blog freely! There are no nearby internet centers, which means I cant do my surfing that often anymore.
Far away from my girlfriend! Well, its more of personal thing. In so many ways, i think she living with her brother
without me is a really good thing. She will become more independent; not so dependent on me. I have notice that the more independent she is, she more our own relationship flourishes. She is one half the pillar on which I plan to build my family. The stronger the both of us are individually, the better our family will be.
As we arrived back home, we unloaded my mothers things and crashed straight into bed. I changed my clothes, and emptied my pockets. I had never seen a hundred dollar bill before. The smell was different, the texture was different, the size was different. I am so accustomed to our local currency, that this US dollar seemed almost like monopoly money. But I could not doubt just how much value this note carried, both in cash, and in deed.
Where are you my friend? Its been a long time.
Missing it already!
I will miss it…
- Waking up late, and deciding to skip lecture!
- Arriving late for class, to the annoyance of the tutor and amusement of my classmates…
- Agonizing over how boring the subject is, totally ignoring the tutor while playing Bluetooth games.
- Making fun of lecturers, imitating them, cooking up their life stories, giving nick names (Kung Fu master, snakeskin, ‘what-the-hell’, Char-koay-teow,) and criticizing their total lack of teaching skills & proper English. We renamed a particular street nearby Jalan W.T.T after a particular incident, in ‘honour’ of one of the lecturers which I won’t say here!
- Rushing assignments, copy-paste without making it look like copy paste. (:P)
- Crazy last minute studying, exam tips, sleepless nights, zombie eyes, all in the name of education.
- Pigging out, cooking a feast for 4, eaten by 2….
- Eating mixed rice & drinking ‘tau chiong sui’ (soya bean milk) under the tree by the road side with my best buddies, watching every pretty girl go by.
- Discussing the mysteries of the opposite sex; menstrual periods, mood swings, tampons, make-up and cellulite. They got it wrong. The last frontier isn’t space, its women. They blow your mind and melt your heart.
- Discussing the blessings & bane of the male species & our serious psychological issues: No child birth! No mood swings & periods, no perverts looking at our breast. But.. can’t stay away from women, enjoy fart jokes & incredibly simple minded (women would say bordering stupidity
- Sitting down, just friends, hanging out, chatting, joking, laughing, having the time of our lives. With great company, you could be cleaning the toilet and still enjoy it.
Goodbye college life. One chapter comes to an end while another unfolds. The thing that made it special wasn’t the place we went, or the things we did. It was the friends we made.
Just for old times
A change to my own template..... Just for old time sake.. Plus, its more pleasing on the eyes.. IMHO
Goodbye...
How foolish of me. How silly of me. How incredibly green naive and stupid I have been.
Until today, it remains a mystery just how and why i developed any feelings for you. After all, I am more than happy in a relationship. Why would have eyes for other woman? Yet, I did. And it was for you. Though i never acted on it, though i never breathed a word, i DID feel it. It was a feeling that filled me with both misery and contempt at myself, but also feelings of teen like euphoria. Perhaps it was just a crush, perhaps it was just a really sorry case of puppy love on my part.
I guess the part that made it all the more heart breaking for me, is that deep down, i knew that you and i would never be together. Not on my
initiative, and certainly not yours. You had no feelings for me; it was as clear as sunshine, and it pierced right through my heart. I guess i never wanted to acknowledge it in the first place. I kept harbouring hopes that
maybe, through some miracle, some
extraordinary circumstances, you and i would somehow connect, even if only for a while. Perhaps what i really wanted was to hear you say you had the same feelings for me to. The sheer selfishness of that thought shames me. Its like trying to chase the wind, or touching the clouds.
Is it possible to grieve for the lost of something you never had in the first place? Is it possible to loose something you do not own? You cant. But why do i feel as if i have lost something? Now that i know your heart belongs to someone else, i am both relieved and crushed. I am happy for you. I am glad that you have found someone you can share your heart with, just like i have. But as wrong as it is, a part of me is crushed, because your heart belongs to someone else. Is that not strange. I feel the lost of a heart that was never mine. But also, i grieve because it will never be mine either! Blame my greedy heart.
The sheer presence of you is enough to set my heart into a sea of waves, and for that reason, i will stay away from you. I will say my goodbye to you here. I will not call you, I will not message you, I will not contact you. I will not wish you Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, Happy Birthday or Congratulations; you have never done it for me, and i feel stupid for wanting to do it for you. I continue to regard you highly. You truly are an amazing woman. You continue to impress me and I respect you enough to know that i should stay away.
So goodbye friend. We will never meet up or work together again, unless through some
bizarre twist of fate. I wish you a good life from the bottom of my heart. If you see me on the street, call me, if you are sincere. Say hi to me, wish me well, and put on a smile. I would appreciate it. If you do not wish so, walk on, do not look my way, and be assured, i will sink away into the ocean of
anonymity. From earth to earth, from sand to sand.
Meeting the Boss
So barely a day after I finish my exams, I found myself sitting across the managing director of a small engineering firm, 50km away from home. I had cut my hair, put on my best cloths, borrowed a car, and travel all the way in homes of landing myself a job as well as financial sponsorship for my studies in the coming months. Truth be told, I didn’t really know what to expect, or how I should act. The pace of events left me with very little time to reflect on things. I only knew that this man had the power to provide me with what in needed; money.
Someone had opened doors for me, and I felt indebted to be able to even have this option to consider. But I was scared and nervous. From the sound of my last two conversations with this man, he was a strictly no nonsense guy. He had made no attempt to be extra friendly to me, even though I was referred by someone he knew. In fact, as we sat down on that long conference table, I could feel his scrutinizing eyes on me, evaluating my every move, reading my body language. Or was I imagining things? He spoke in a serious tone, just like our last 2 conversations. I tried my best to remain friendly and open, mindful of my own body language and gestures. I sat forward, maintained eye contact and nodded whenever he said something to me. He asked me questions mainly about my education and how I was related to his cousin-in-law (if there ever is such a thing). I could just tell he was thorough and methodological, because he was writing this down as I said it! The scariest sound is often silence. And every time I finished saying something, there was that long pause! Man, this guy was not to be messed around with.
I stuck to my guns, and adhered to the one golden rule in good conversation; listen more than you talk. So listen I did. I asked questions here and there and let him do the talking. The less I say the less likely I’ll make a fool of myself, and the smarter I will seem! Being the older man, I guess it was inevitable that he started giving me advice on the future, as well as to scold us young people for being job hoppers in this day and age. Grandfather mode aside, he was very frank with me, almost to the point of being savage; he told me of all the benefits of joining his company, like a flexible and un-bureaucratic work environment (there were like 4 staff there), an accommodation boss (him) , reasonable pay, generous bonuses, plenty to learn, and even to go for a P.E. (Professional Engineer) title under him. But he also warned that I would be tied down to him (from the financial bond) and unable to go for more ‘glamorous’ jobs. Late night and weekends in the office were expected during crunch times, productivity and efficiency was the bottom line. The fate of the company depended on a handful of people, and they were expected to perform. Pressure is high if you don’t know how to manage it. One man was expected to do the work of three.
It seemed both thrilling and intimidation at the same time. Here is an opportunity for me to join a genuine engineering firm, not some MNC with an engineering department; chance to be guided and mentored by a Professional Engineer; a prospect of one day becoming a P.E. myself and (hopefully) make it big. On the other hand, I would be working under the eyes of this stern and serious man; I would be expected to commit myself totally to my job without any expectations of any short term rewards.
When it came down to the sponsorship, this was what was on the table; an interest free LOAN, with a bond to his company. The loan is to be serviced by monthly repayments for the number of years I was willing to be bonded. Meaning if I was bonded for 3 years, I would have to repay that amount within that time. If I left suddenly, I would have to repay in full before leaving. In return, I would be hired by him, with the same pay and allowance like everyone else. I will be trained and nurtured, and if I was good, I would be promoted as the company grows. Being frank, he said he was willing to help me, but felt that I should find alternative funds too, so that I would not be bonded to him longer that I was willing to. I appreciated his honesty, but felt a little short changed. It was a good thing, but not quite what I expected. I didn’t realize I had to work for him AND repay my loan. But the more I thought of it, it was in fact my own misconception of what was being offered. This man wasn’t trying to take advantage of me, he was helping me, but on neutral terms, with no special favours. Fair enough.
After 40 minutes of conversation, I felt more comfortable talking to him. I guess he lightened up considerably too, since he seemed less critical of me. I would take a wild guess and say that my strategy of keeping my mouth shut worked a bit. He even offered this to me; start working for him this coming Monday till before I am due to leave for England. I would be able to earn money, and gain experience on how things will be like once I return.
It’s a lot to swallow, with what are most likely life changing decisions to be made. This road has been present before me. A route I never expected to arrive at. I don’t even know if it’s a good or bad thing. Do I take my chances? Do I go for it? I guess rationally, its clear cut. It’s a good opportunity take it. Its always the higher needs that confuse you. Is this what I want? Do I even want to be a P.E.? Or is it the money? Will this be something I enjoy doing? Is this something I am good at? A tough call, especially when you are young, and have no idea what is it you really want.
In the end, we shook hands, and I left though I had no idea how I’m supposed to feel. Happy? Dissapointed? Grateful? I guess, there was a mixture of all.
Exams over!
Finally, the dreaded exams are over! And along with it came other surprises too.
For the record, I just want to say that I hate examinations! Yes, exams give you a measure of how much you have mastered a particular subject, but in all honesty, I find it pointless to have to memorize countless formulae by heart. Is it not enough to know it and know when to use it? Why must we know it down to the dot? Was it not Einstein who said “Why waste my time memorizing something I can look up in an instant from a book?”
Staying up the entire night before the final paper, I crashed into bed the minute I got home. For some time now, I kept getting this feeling that perhaps I should have dinner with my brother, just to do some brotherly bonding. So I invited him out for dinner. But to my great surprise, he told me that just the night before; my mother had shown up the night before and was now at his place. So I made my way there to have dinner with be both of them and have a chat with my mother. She seemed happier. Things went rather well initially, but it wasn’t long before we started arguing again, albeit on a smaller scale. As before, I just asked her what she was up to these few weeks and what she planned to do. I told her that my brother and I were through trying to tell her what to do, or try to force her into anything. If she were stay with us, she must comply with medicine. If she refused, she is free to do as she pleases. She said that she wanted to stay with us, but on her terms; meaning no medicine, and no treating her like she was a psychiatric patient. She said that she wants to buy a wooden house and live alone for the rest of her life. Despite the argument, we kept thing light, and I jokingly told her to just go in the jungle in that case. Funnily, my brother said the same thing to her. I said she to her she was pretty much a free spirit, wanting to do as she pleases; a nomadic hippy living 30 years too late. I told her there were plenty of wooden houses with nobody around in Mongolia. We asked her how long she planned to stay, she refused to give any indication, except to say that she came back because she missed us and will stay until the Lunar New Year. My father will be returning to KL for the festivities too. My relatives are going up Cameron Highlands this time for the reunion dinner, and my father says it too much traveling for him, so we’ll be giving it a miss (to my secret delight, since I didn’t want to meet those bunch anyway). Instead, in an unlikely turn of event, it looks like our reunion dinner will be a family affair, with the 4 of us, the original family unit together. I suspect my brother will be pleased.
On the other front, my girlfriend will be moving out this coming month. She has found a place, some distance away from her hospital, and she’ll be settling in with her brother, with the support of her aunt. She initially asked me to move in with her, but I refused. I felt that after what they have been through, the 2 siblings should have a place of themselves, without having a third party staying with them. And I didn’t want to be sending her younger brother the wrong kind of message. Plus, I’m fairly sure my brother expects me to stay with him after we sell this house. To place is small and modest, but sufficiently cozy, in a mostly family inhabited area, which makes me more relieved. We went scouting around for other apartments recently, and for the first time in my life, I got to see with my own eyes, the kind of slum some people live in. Since our search was for a low budget area, we ended up going to rather dirty and shabby parts of the town. I’d never expect to see such things in my own backyard of KL, but some of these folk were living on a pile of rubbish! Apartment blocks dirty and faded, rubbish everywhere along the road, dirty kids playing barefoot on the street, rusted cars by side, and a generally unpleasant odour throughout the entire place. Seeing places like that, its easy to understand why some people from poorer families end up becoming criminals. Even the basic necessities weren’t being met: proper hygiene, logistics, plumbing, playgrounds, heck many of the houses didn’t even have grills. Its rough and a rough place mold a rough person. So, even if the location is slightly off the general public transport route, the place we eventually decided on was at least clean(er) and more family oriented. Problem is, you really need a transport of your own for the place to be reachable (a sad, but true testimony to our transportation system) To add icing on the cake, my girlfriends aunt offered her a substantial cash loan to buy house necessities and guess what, small car to move around from her new place. In her own words, she feels like she is the luckiest girl on earth. Well, after what she’s been through, I guess you can say this is payback, but in the good sense.
On my side, the first thing I did after my exams was to call the company I mentioned earlier to arrange an appointment. Tomorrow afternoon, I will be meeting this ‘Uncle’, the managing director of the company to discuss a possible sponsorship. If all goes well, I will walk out with some financial security in hand. It’d be the earliest and biggest ‘ang pow’ I have ever received for Chinese new year.
That’s all for now.
Teen Flicks!
American teen flicks always seem to fascinate me.
You know, that one about the kids in high school or in college. The one
where there's always the hottest girl and guy in class, the football
quarterback, the head cheerleader, the nerds, the Goths and other
assorted American stereotypes. There's either the wild and crazy
fraternity house, or party that seems to be swarming with hot young
woman, willing to be brought to bed by the next guy who catches their
fancy. Then there's inevitably the lead character of the movies, who
most of the time is a virgin, and is ashamed of it, and can't wait to
get laid. He either tries to convince his girlfriend to give I it up to
him, or tries to get lucky with some girl, any girl.
Its all very interesting to me, because watching American high
school/college movies just makes me all the more curious and I become
filled with a hundred and one questions.
Do the youngsters really live the way they portray in the movies? Do you
really join some crazy fraternity house with 3 lettered Greek letters
like Alpha Kappa Omega and drink as much booze as you can and sleep with
countless women (preferably more than 1 at a time)?
What about the issue of virginity? First of all, is it really THAT big a
deal if a guy is 19 and has never had sex over there? Too many times
when watching such movies, the message is clear; if you haven't done it,
you're still a kid. What's more puzzling is when in some instance where
the world is about to come to an end and all hell breaks loose, there
will inevitably be a girl standing in the middle of a crowd holding a
sign reading "Can't die a virgin." Sounds familiar? What's that all
about? Better to have sex with a stranger than to die a virgin? The word
virginity seems to carry connotations of a state of inadequacy rather
than purity. To be a virgin is to lack sexual experience, rather than
abstaining from it. By default, we should all just loose it? Over here,
if you aren't a virgin, you keep it quiet. When friends ask, they ask
you privately. I don't know about the girls, but for our part, the guys
don't boast about how we 'got it on'. A gentleman never kiss and tells
remember? Even if our friends are young and open, social norms and taboo
still dictate to us that a woman's virginity is not something you talk
about in public. It's a matter of pride and dignity.
One other interesting thing is also the public showers. You know, scenes
taking place in the locker and shower rooms. After watching so many of
these movies, I am forced to conclude that they do use open showers,
where every one openly strips and bath in front of each other; boys to
the boys, girls to the girls. Seeing your football teammate or your
running partner naked is as casual as seeing yourself naked, no big
deal. Does that really happen exactly the way it seems? The concept is
totally alien to me. Over here, its unheard of! Showers are in cubicles.
Seldom does the guy/girl next to you strip naked in front of you while
changing (though I wont say it hasn't happen before). Yeah, we are all
of the same gender, and whatever you have, I have too…..perhaps in
different proportions… but the point is, we don't reveal our winnies to
our buddies. Of course, that's not to say it's purely an Asian thing. I
know for a fact that in Japan, they too use public baths. But then
again, the Japanese are a little weird; they do everything together,
work, play, tour, holiday, bath and ridiculously synchronized mass
orgies. That's right; the Japanese are all about the group. Back in
Malaysia, it's a rare thing. There was this one time when I was
showering in an open shower after swimming, and there was this guy
practically parading his semi erected little brother; I thought this guy
must either be nuts or some sort of psychopathic gay exhibitionist.
While the rest of the us where showering with our swim pants on, facing
the shower, this guy was totally naked, facing outwards, profusely
scrubbing his 'pride and joy' with a large grin on his face. An incident
I unfortunately converted to memory.
But from the movies, there is one act in western culture that I do envy,
that I wished was more common here; the simple act of hugging. I don't
think I will be wrong in saying that hugging is second nature to
westerners. You hug the person you love, you hug your friend, to say hi
and goodbye. It's all very warm and endearing. And for a change, there
is truly nothing sexual about a hug. Over here, hugs come far and few in
between. I wouldn't mind hugging a guy, if he was close, but even then
it seldom happens. As for girls, I just generally stay away from it, and
let them initiate it. It's a dangerous thing trying to initiate a hug
with a person of the opposite sex if you are a guy. There is a chance
that your gesture will be either unwelcome or interpreted wrongly.
Either way, you end up with a half hearted, extremely awkward hug, and
you wished you never did it in the first place. There was even some
debate last year about hugging. The general policy here is "no touchy."
The deputy Prime Minister said "No hugging please, we are Muslims." in
response to the rise in young Malays hugging each other regardless of
gender. Well, Muslim or not, I feel that despite whatever talk about
moral degradation due to western culture, hugging is and always will be
a good thing. Some weeks ago, I saw on TV, a group of Korean men and
women offering free hugs to people passing by as part of their hugs
campaign. Now, that's what I call enlightened! Malaysians should hug
more often. I want a hug! Hug me!
Perhaps it's unavoidable that it all comes down to culture. Asians are
much more conservative about the matter, no matter how far and long we
have come. Gender divide is much stronger. Westerners talk openly and
freely about sexuality and attempts to hide your 'activities' are less
compared to us. Last years Durex survey said that Malaysians loose their
virginity at an average age of 19, while Americans loose it at 17. While
there is little reason to question the American result, the validity and
reliability of our result is in doubt. After all, Malaysians, especially
youngsters of my age, have plenty of reason not to come clean with their
record. Seldom do people tell you when they lost it, and how many times
they do it in a month. Shyness and social taboo being the top reasons.
To see others speaking about it with such a high degree of frankness and
even boastfulness is nothing short of a culture shock for many,
including me.
But that's not to say that we are angels over here, far from it. In
fact, the silence often betrays what is really going on underneath the
surface. Whether their parents acknowledge it or not, there are many
couples out there who are sexually active. Underneath our very
conservative Asian society, there is an undercurrent of liberalism. Just
the other day, checking my mail at the nearby internet centre, I
(accidentally) took a peep at the screen of the guy next to me. He was
surfing some local gay website, chatting and looking for partners. I
even manage to read (accidentally, honest!) on some of his conversation,
which I again unfortunately committed to memory. I'd rather not repeat
it, but the things said were enough to make a gay man blush and a
straight man puke (as in my case). Malaysia also has the highest number
of registered members in adultfriendfinder.com in Southeast Asia. Can
you believe that? I find that both shocking and amusing. We aren't goody
two shoes after all. Many people here are rather liberal in thinking,
but they're just too scared to admit it. The online portal makes perfect
sense. You get to find other like minded people, without having to
announce to society that you want what is traditionally forbidden.
Again, it goes with the grain of Asian culture of being discrete and
quiet about such matters. Subtlety is the word here; something I can
always appreciate.
So, in the end, just because we shower in cubicles doesn't make us any
less liberal in thinking. Liberalization comes with modernization; I
guess it's something I am more than willing to accept. More hugs are
definitely welcomed. Open kissing, men holding hands, what the heck, I
can close an eye (and puke after that). Just don't make us shower
together! Other than the unwillingly being compared size-wise (as men
are so obsessed about), I don't look forward to seeing a dozen other gay
psychopaths* rubbing themselves in front of me.
*please note that the word gay and psychopaths are by no means mutually
exclusive. Gays aren't necessarily psychopaths, and psychopaths aren't
necessarily gays. Its when they are both that's scary, especially to
regular heterosexuals just trying to take a bath.
