Goodbye...
How foolish of me. How silly of me. How incredibly green naive and stupid I have been.Until today, it remains a mystery just how and why i developed any feelings for you. After all, I am more than happy in a relationship. Why would have eyes for other woman? Yet, I did. And it was for you. Though i never acted on it, though i never breathed a word, i DID feel it. It was a feeling that filled me with both misery and contempt at myself, but also feelings of teen like euphoria. Perhaps it was just a crush, perhaps it was just a really sorry case of puppy love on my part.
I guess the part that made it all the more heart breaking for me, is that deep down, i knew that you and i would never be together. Not on my initiative, and certainly not yours. You had no feelings for me; it was as clear as sunshine, and it pierced right through my heart. I guess i never wanted to acknowledge it in the first place. I kept harbouring hopes that maybe, through some miracle, some extraordinary circumstances, you and i would somehow connect, even if only for a while. Perhaps what i really wanted was to hear you say you had the same feelings for me to. The sheer selfishness of that thought shames me. Its like trying to chase the wind, or touching the clouds.
Is it possible to grieve for the lost of something you never had in the first place? Is it possible to loose something you do not own? You cant. But why do i feel as if i have lost something? Now that i know your heart belongs to someone else, i am both relieved and crushed. I am happy for you. I am glad that you have found someone you can share your heart with, just like i have. But as wrong as it is, a part of me is crushed, because your heart belongs to someone else. Is that not strange. I feel the lost of a heart that was never mine. But also, i grieve because it will never be mine either! Blame my greedy heart.
The sheer presence of you is enough to set my heart into a sea of waves, and for that reason, i will stay away from you. I will say my goodbye to you here. I will not call you, I will not message you, I will not contact you. I will not wish you Merry Christmas or Happy New Year, Happy Birthday or Congratulations; you have never done it for me, and i feel stupid for wanting to do it for you. I continue to regard you highly. You truly are an amazing woman. You continue to impress me and I respect you enough to know that i should stay away.
So goodbye friend. We will never meet up or work together again, unless through some bizarre twist of fate. I wish you a good life from the bottom of my heart. If you see me on the street, call me, if you are sincere. Say hi to me, wish me well, and put on a smile. I would appreciate it. If you do not wish so, walk on, do not look my way, and be assured, i will sink away into the ocean of anonymity. From earth to earth, from sand to sand.
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 6:37 pm
Comments: 0
