Her dad
I didn’t exaggerate when I said my life was something out of a drama.Exactly one day after my mother left, something else did happen. Smack in the middle of my exams. This time, I wasn’t my mother, or my father, or any other member of my family. Instead, it was my girlfriend’s father.
For some background info, her father has been missing to us for the pass 6 years or so. This is the man that left them to live with a Filipino mistress, bringing my girlfriend and younger brother along after their mentally ill mother went missing. The Filipino lady physically abused my girlfriend. For some reason, the father never did anything to protect her or to stand up for her. He was a fierce and well built man, but mysteriously never stood up to his mistress. At a tender age of 12, she ran away from that house, going on to live with sympathetic families, eventually on her own, supported by her aunt from UK. Her younger brother, who after my girlfriend ran away became the only target for abuse, was eventually brought by his father, at the age of ten, to Petaling Street, downtown KL and left there. He was there 3 days alone, living off food nearby traders and hawkers gave him. Eventually, social welfare workers came and he was sent to a shelter home. He has been living there ever since. This is the same brother that I tutored.
I have no idea just how a man can ever be so submissive and controlled by a woman that he would stand by and watch his children be abused by his lover. My girlfriend still carries a scar on her knee from being made to kneel down on salt for over an hour. How could a father in his right mind abandon his 10 year old son in the middle of the city? He disappeared totally about 6 years ago, just gone like that. No contact, no calls, no address. When I first met my girlfriend, it was how it was. No father.
But he made an appearance just 2 months ago. He showed up at the brothers shelter home, asking to see him and my girlfriend. My girlfriend was in shock. I picked her up and sent her there. The years had been heavy on him. He was now a 60 something year old man, limping with a cane, suffered a stroke and had diabetes. He wasn’t exactly received with arms wide open by his children. There were just too many questions, too much hurt for them to just accept him like that. Where has he been all these years? Why did he disappear like that? Why did he abandon his children? Why come only now after all these years? What do you want?
So many questions, so little answers. Even till today, he has not come clean about all that has happened. He is still unanswerable to why he abandoned his children. He is still with that woman. It seems he now lives in poverty while she keeps all their supposed wealth. He takes the bus around, has no property, no job, no savings, nothing. My girlfriend’s aunt was furious when she heard the news. How dare he show up now, when his children are almost grown up? Where was he when they needed him the most? Now when he is starting to get old and frail, he shows up expecting to be taken in his children? Even then, he only showed up because that woman was out of the country. Though I do not intervene in their matters, I do share those sentiments.
And then Friday happened. I get a call in the middle of a group discussion by my girlfriend. How typical of my life for something like this to happen. Her father had been kicked out of their house by the landlord for failing to pay rent. The woman supposedly went to stay in the nearby 5 star hotel while he was left to fend for himself. Not knowing where to turn to, he urgently calls his daughter, telling his story and looking to her for help. I guess no matter what he had done, she couldn’t just leave him like that. She asked if he could come stay at my place for a while. I was speechless. My mother had left barely 24 hours earlier, now I am supposed to take him in? Let him bunk in my mothers room? Of course, I just couldn’t say no. But I made it clear that he could only stay for a couple of days. I neither had the authority nor the willingness to let this man get comfortable in my home.
She brought him to our place and left the old man to me since she had to go back to work. I avoided him for the most part, since I was busy studying for my exams (by this time, my concentration was obviously off) plus I wanted to keep my distance. Out of respect and sympathy, I was willing to house him for a few days. If my father or brother even knew what I was doing, they would have been infuriated. I was taking a big risk here. That being said, I still did not trust him. There were just too many holes in his stories, too many convenient excuses here and there. I made this clear to my girlfriend. Until he comes clean and turns a new leaf, I can never fully trust this man; talks of the woman stealing all his money, of his intentions of leaving her were all empty not to be taken at face value. He even said to my girlfriend that she had a step sister. That blew her top, and she restated that she only has 2 brothers, one older, one younger, no more. Whatever love child he had outside was none of her business. But one thing was clear; something unspoken.
He was getting old. He was broke. He needed someone to provide for him, and he was looking to his almost graduated daughter for it.
My girlfriend feels tremendously pressure. Even after graduating, her pay is hardly enough to take care of herself, let alone her younger brother and now father.
In my eyes, this is the most irresponsible, spineless man I have ever met. His life story has and uncanny resemblance to my own fathers. Both married mentally ill wives, though with different diagnosis. Both took on a mistress (2 in my fathers case), and in this end, the children suffers. Difference is, my father left and is now trying to rebuild his life. This man was still hiding a tonne of secrets, he is still somehow related to that woman, and now hopes his children will help him.
Not overstaying his welcome, he duly left on Sunday, staying for a grand total of 2 nights. He thanked me for the hospitality, and my girlfriend and I watched him walk to the nearest bus stop. He did not offer to tell where he was going, or if he would keep in touch. Neither did we ask. Watching him limping off with his cane, I just know it won’t be the last time I’ll be seeing him.
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 6:10 pm
Comments: 1
