What to do about it her?
Finally, some development.After days of waiting, she finally gave me a call. As suspected, she’s up north again, though this time, I’m not really sure where exactly. I only know because the area code showed that she was calling from that state.
In fact, she called me 3 times; all lasting barely 15 seconds. But I did manage to ask her when she was planning to come back. She just said to me “I don’t think so.” I took that to mean that this time, she left with the intention of not coming back.
She sounded just as confused as when I last saw her. The first thing she said to me when she got through was not Hello, but “Hann, I don’t need the medicine.” I asked her where she was staying now, but she insisted on saying what she wanted to first before answering any questions. Well, from 45 seconds worth of interrupted conversation, there wasn’t much I could make out.
She did get angry when I asked her what she was planning to do, or what she hoped to achieve. "Don't ask me about my personal life!" she screamed at me. She insisted on saying what she wanted to, and went on to tell me to ask my girlfriend to move out. Before I could give any response, the life got cut off again.
Over the pass few days, she has been calling here and there, always with something else to say. Primarily, she talks about how my girlfriend should move out in order for me to better concentrate in my coming exams. When I asked her about her plans, she gets upset and just tell me that “I’m your mother, you have to listen to what I say.”
Of late, there seems to be many people, suddenly worried about our situation. Apart from the friend I had a long talk with recently, my mothers old friends from her university days suddenly start calling and leaving messages, asking for any news concerning my mother. Then, my girlfriends aunt in the UK asks me to write in to a cousin of theirs, running an engineering company in KL. They are willing to take a look at my CV and may consider providing financial sponsorship for me to study this coming June in the UK. It all just makes me all that guiltier about accepting any more of their help, since they have already help me so much. I find myself feeling so indebted to them, and that really is the problem. Debt in cash can be returned, but a debt in deed can never really be repaid. As they say in Malay “Hutang budi dibawa mati”....
It’s a mix bag really. Things aren’t going well with my mother, she’s back up north doing as she pleases, and there’s really nothing much we can do. We are again, perpetually short on cash. But in the midst of it all, there have been concern voices here and there, caring help and support; all of which I never really expected nor asked from anyone. Maybe God heard my prayer after all, and he’s sending in his fire fighters in the form of these people. At least, now I know she’s still alright, albeit not in a proper state of mind and that she is up north again. Looks like even after all this while, her heart still remains over there, and not here, where her sons are.
My mother; forever an untamed spirit, resourceful, wilful, darn stubborn, but sadly ill.
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 1:34 pm
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