Forthnights

That crazy roller coaster ride: My life

Just a quick recap of whats happening in my life.

After that last episode of running away from home, my mother eventually came back to us after a week or so. Its so strange. I had totally given up hope on her, thinking "There she goes again" But she surprised me by coming back. So she's back with us now.

But the us has been reduced somewhat. My brother only comes back on the weekends, since he is working far away, and so does my girlfriend. My dad on the other hand has gone back to his wife (I mean my step mother) THis came as a surprised to me because he had moved out last year and it really looked like they were headed for a break. Suddenly one day, he tells me he spoke to that lady and they decided that they want to give it another chance.

My brother was colde towards that. He has been harbourinh hopes that my father would end that miserable relationship and quickly come back to CHristianity. So, my dad going back to his Muslim wife is quite a blow to his efforts.

Personally, i was worried about how things were going to turn out with this new development. After about half a year of staying with us, i could sense my father's cofidence slowly growing back. He didnt look as old as before, his expression less burdened and for once in many years, he was slowly but surely starting to have a social circle of his own. Heck, just before he went back to his wife, he even started closing deals in his work, and it really seem that things were starting to turn for the better. The fact that after 6 months of trying to close deals, he finally closed a few in row in one month was no accident. I told him "Pa, to me these deal that you are closing is no coincidence. You have closed them now and not 6 months ago because today, you are more confidant, and you are happier." I really felt happy for him. I could see that these small achievements were significant to him in building a new life after 3 shattered marriages.

Now, about a month gone back there, those age lines have return. He speaks to me with a heavy tone. I can tell that he is unhappy again. As soon as he starteed closing deals, he stopped closing them, thus the financial worry for me now. I told him i respected his decision to give his marriage another chance, but from the looks of things, nothing much has changed. I feel so sorry for him. His heart is in a mess, and there are greater things at stake in that marriage that i know of im sure. My cousin finished his final exams and it would probably mean that he's moved out of our place.

How fast things changed. 2months ago, the houe was so unbearble. There seem toomany people. But now its just mostly me and my mother. The house feels almost lifeless. But then, i'm enjoying the time spent with my mother. Since my teens, i have not had my mothers presence, but now i have the responsibility of taking care of her and keeping her company. THough it may difficult at times, but i no longer have sleepless nights thinking of my mother, no longer cry silent tears thinking how i will ever make it up to her. Just hearing her laugh, joking around, bringing her for walks and buying breakfast for her makes me happy. Only now, when i have my mother around do i realise just how much a mommy's boy i am. For many years, staying away from her, i have felt the guilt of neglecting her, but now that she is there right beside me, i have all the chance to do something for a change.

Life truely is a roller coaster ride to me sometimes. The ups and downs come in quick succession, and you dont really know where or when the next turn comes. Just hold tight and pray that you dont fall off, and neither the other passengers, all of whom have been there with you through the ups and downs.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 11:41 pm Comments: 1