Forthnights

Relapse Pending

It looks like it’s the blues time for me again. Its Murphy’s Law again, and whatever that can go wrong, can and has gone wrong. After my fathers sudden divorce from his wife, he pulls out another trick from the bag. He wants to move in with us again.

Initially, he moved into my brothers place. But barely a day goes by and suddenly I hear talk of my father asking money from my mother, of him wanting to move in with us and such. I was busy the entire day in college, involved in the College Career fair. I get a call during lunch from my mother, saying that she is not happy and that she wants to go back to SP (that’s up north). When I asked her what was the matter she said that my father wants to borrow money from her and wants to stay in the house. I didn’t have a chance to say to much to her before she got cut off. Come evening, my father comes to the house, saying he wants to talk to my mother. The 3 of us seated in the living room, he says openly to us that he wants to stay here because it is nearer his office and the traveling cost would not be so much. He asked my mother if that was ok; my mother being to timid to say anything, just agreed, or dared not say no. I kept quiet. I didn’t want to say too much in front of my mother. He was going out to see some client, so before he left, I pulled him aside and told him that I do not agree to him and her staying together on a permanent basis, only on a temporary one since she might go into a relapse. I told him “Despite appearing agreeable to it, the fact is, your mere presence causes her stress and disturbs her emotionally”.

He asked me on what basis I said so. I told on the basis that I was her son, living with her for the pass few months and talking to her. On top of that, my father was very intrusive. She was in my room talking to me. My father came in and tried to pull a strand of her white hair (since she was graying). My mother didn’t like it and moved a step away, but my father insisted and held her at her elbow. That was so obviously being intrusive, since he has no business even touching her. I stepped in and said to him to let her be and not pull if she didn’t want it. He slowly backed down.

But the damaged was done, and after she left, I called my brother and related to him the whole matter. He was annoyed that my mother would not go along with the plan, since it saved a lot of money for my father to just stay here. But I told him in no unclear terms that his stay here is causing her emotionally stress, and that it must be only temporary. That night he came back late and we were already asleep.

The next day, I left early morning for college and didn’t come back until late night after tuition class. When I came back, I came back to a very very emotionally disturbed (and difficult) mother, the same kind of talk, the same kind of manner from just a few months ago. Only 2 words came into my mind.. “Relapse pending.” Her feathers have been ruffled after these few months of peace. Already, talk of wanting to go back up north, her obsession with money (the lack of it) and what happened ten, fifteen years ago quickly came flooding in.

She has not gone into a full relapse yet, and for now she’s just being very critical and difficult about everything, just asking me not to give tuition and be so active in college and asking me for money. The incident about the grey hair bothered me. He shouldn’t have done that. He has no right to treat her as though he has some control or say over her. The fact that my mother is easily bullied into submission was being taken advantage of. She complained to me of the last time she stayed with us; he would ask her to iron his cloths go buy lunch and do his laundry along with ours. Now he’s trying to pull her grey hair against her will, the next morning, after my brother conveyed my strong message of not wanting him to stay too long, he called her someone very good at back-stabbing people. I received a call from her in the middle of the day and she was going on and on about how she is NOT a liar or a back stabber. The call disturbed my flow at college, and I could think of anything else the rest of the day except what to do about this whole situation. Technically, the house belongs to him. Practically, its our house, where we live.

When I told him my opinion the night before, he said to me. “This time its different. This time I am free to do whatever I want. I’m not bounded anymore, so I can do whatever I want. The last time it was difficult, because of ‘her’ (his wife).” He said. I told him “I know that. But its different now only to you. It does not change the fact that you and ma cannot stay under the same roof. She is uncomfortable and stressed with you around.”

I detected all these signals of a pending relapse just a few days ago, and it started exactly when my father announced that he wanted to move in. I spoke to my brother and he sensed it too, since my mother called him up too and spoke all sorts of nonsense. Rightly (and thankfully), my brother told my father to keep his distance from her, and so, my father agreed that he could stay over here only when he really needed to.

How often would my father stay over? I don’t know. But the damage is done, and for me, its damage control, trying to contain my mothers emotional disturbance. I only hope she will come out of it and be at peace again like she has been for the pass few months. I don’t think I want to go through another relapse episode again.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 8:12 pm Comments: 0