Forthnights

Its my dads birthday

The 24th is my dads birthday.

He wanted to come back to KL to pass Christmas, but he couldnt due to his new job. He turns 51 this year, born in 1955.

He'll be spending his birthday and Christmas alone this year, since he's so far away. I cant imagine how he feels, having to spend your birthday and Christmas alone. Like i have said before, i feel sorry for him, because his life really seems to be in a mess. Now that he is finally divorced (for the third time), he is left to pick up the pieces and try to rebuild the rest of his life.

At 51, i know that he finds it hard. At an age where most of his peers are really retiring comfortably, my father is still struggling to make ends met. His current job is really very lousy, long hours with crummy pay, but its all he's got now. He said to me that at his age, not many people hire, he might as well do with what he has.

My own life story pales in comparison with his, with the number of mistakes he made, the number of wrong choices he made. After all, how many people have you met that studied Christian theology, did ministry work, married a depressed wife to later convert to Islam, marry and divorced for a total of 3 times? Not many i imagine.

Its true that when the parents argue, it is the children thats suffers. I remember my father telling me too that as children, we had to always honour and love our mother, simply because she is our mother. No further justification needed. However, i grew up admiring my father more than my mother. She seemed to alway be just plain old mom while my dad was the social butterfly, eloquent and charming. I always felt that i wanted to grow up to be just like him.

In a way, i have grown up to be a little like him. There are just so many traits i see in myself that remind me of him. Too much to be coincidence. He was always the smooth talker, seldom without something to say, and enjoy talking to people. In that sense, i am like him. I enjoy talking to people too. My mother doesnt like when i show traits similar to my father, like being active in activities and public speaking, or photography. My father enjoyed these things too, and even though he did little to encourage these activities to me, i find myself naturally drawn to it.

As it is, i am already very much like him. For all the faults he has made, for all the wrong he has done, he is part of the reason i am the person i am today. A lot of the values i hold on to today were imbued by him. A lot of our sense of responsibility and maturity were instilled by him. At a time when my brother and i hated my mother and blamed her for her illness, he stepped in and corrected our reason.

Though he left her, he always stressed that my brother and should continue to care and love her. Never once did he ever speak ill of her. Instead, he was the enforcer when at times when my brother and i refused to face my mother. The thing i appreciated most was the fact that he never just imposed his will on us. Even as children, he used to voice of reason to persuade and convince us more that with sheer brute force. In my teens, my sense of obligation to visit and care for my mother was in no small part due to his words to me that my mother was not to blame for the matter, and that she requires and deserves her son's love and care. His use of reason instead of coercion showed me that even when we were still so young, he respected our motives and emotions, and that it carried weight. He never forced my brother and i to convert, even though legally he could. He gave us a choice, and we both refused. End of story.

In that sense, i learnt what it means to show and value respect from him. While many of my peers had no say in the family and the decisions being made, i grew up feeling confident of myself because my father always listened and considered what i had to say seriously. I could always voice out my opinion, my brother and i were given trust, responsibilities, and a measure of authority over smaller matters concerning us.

I know that many people who know my father and have seen his life will have condemned and criticized him. But i also know that he becomes immensely proud (especially in front of my relatives) when speaking of my brother and I. We are his pride and joy, and in his own words "You boys are all i have left," Whenever he says that, i feel like i just want to make him proud so that he can have something to shout about, despite all his failings.

It is only too easy to fault him. Its only too easy to think ill of him and to say that he deserves his fate. But as a son speaking, whatever that i have become now, he deserves half the credit. I grew up respecting my father, and hanged on every word he said. At least he was wise enough to only say things that would inspire us and lead us in the right direction; words that would ultimately build my conscience.

Happy Birthday and Blessed Christmas pa. Sorry you have to spend it alone. God bless you in rebuilding your shattered life.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 3:46 am Comments: 0