Forthnights

When is your birhday again?

It's very strange but very true about the human spirit. My father told me a while ago that at his age and the rate of his health, his level of confidence is not as high as it used to be. His vision is one of his eyes is almost totally gone, gets tired easily and suffers from vertigo attacks (something got to do with the ears) when he is stressed or strained. He said to me that it is strange what we anchor our confidence upon, although we do not do it consciously. For instance he said, just not being able to see properly, stand a days hard work or hear as well (my dad's right ear is almost deaf) makes a person feel a lot less confidant about himself.

He told me that at my age, just like him during his time, he felt at the prime of his life, and things like health worries or death hardly come across his mind, because he was just so health in body. But i do get what he means. Examining my own moods and behaviours, i come to see that often enough, it is the little things that gradually build or break my confidence. For instance, when i put on a kilo or two of weight, i somehow become less eager to socialize with people, constantly worrying about how i look and keep thinking "Man, im fat, so malu lah!" Especially when meeting old friends who havent seen me in a while. I somehow have been 'blessed' with some friends that are extremely direct in their comments! I guess i finally understand how women feel like 90% of the time!

Another is just a simple phone call or message! Many people underestimate or are ignorant to just how powerful and significant a simple "hi, how are you doing. I'm your friend and i'm thinking of you" can mean to a person. I dont know about the rest of the world, but to me, it means alot when people just drop a message or a call to me, just to say hi. To me, the gesture says more than any amount of words can say. It tells me that i am not alone in this world, and that i have friends that care about me. It can really make the difference when you are going through a hard time, just to know that people out there have you in their minds, and hopefully their prayers.

And who can forget birthdays! I always manage to screw this one up, coz im just so bad at remembering them! But i know that everyone wants to be remember on their special day, me included. You dont want to tell people, but you kinda expect them to remember, but when they dont, your not sure to blame them or not! Conflict eh? Prime example: my girlfriend

On her special day, many people called in or messaged her to wish her a happy birthday, in fact, much more people remembered hers than mine, just a month before hers! (HMMmm!) But anyway, she was still upset nontheless, and no amount of candy or kisses could cheer her up. Reason? A good and old friend of ours had not called in yet. This friend is a special friend to us both and my girlfriend especially ecpected her to call 1st among the rest! But she didnt and as the day progressed she became moodier. Thats when invisible hands have to make things move, and Im not talking about God here! Yours truely, seeing how a potential storm could be brewing and hearts be broken, sent a message (albeit a secret one!) to that friend, and 10 minutes later, my girlfriend was giddy as a schoolgirl and happy as any birthday girl should be. Of course, i'll have to bring this secret to my grave, she can never know!

Of course, the greatest confidence builder is achivemet, pure and simple. It builds genuine confidence in people. Recognition in achievement tells us that we have done something meaningful in life, that we have done something significant and have beem acknowledged by others. Achievement doesnt have to be big and fantastic things like being a genuis student or being accepted into Harvard. It should be measure based on our own standards and abilities. if you feel that you have done you very best, there is no reason why you should hold your head high. As for me personally, i have the tendency to underachieve. Apparantly, according to my father, i should be achieving more things in life because i have the potential. But how does he know? How am i supposed to know just how much potential i have?

Well, while i go and try to achieve greatness to build confidence, ill take the smaller things as they come. Im glad that friends call me, remember my birthday, call me out for lunch, even if its belated or once in a blue moon.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 1:30 am Comments: 1