Forthnights

Report card and Circumcision

When i was young, i used to dread report card day. The day that parents come to school and take their kid's report cards. To me, it meant nothing more than a whole lot of embarassment and lots of questions. You see, would be very embarrassed when my mother came to collect it. Them moment she came, i would be ushering her to quickly get it and quickly go. My mother who suffered from depression, wasn't exactly what i would have called a normal mom. I didn't want people to start making fun of me, saying my mom was 'gila'. I didn't want people to ask me "Why your mom like dat one?"... because i didn't know what to answer.

When i moved in to my Aunt's place, things became even worse. Being banned from appearing near my aunt's house, my mom occasionally resorted to coming to scholl to see us. When she came, she would create a scene with the teachers, and talk very loudly. My brother and i used to be terrified of her coming to school. And when she did, it was just pure panic on our parts. Now that i look bad, i feel so bad for treating her that way and asked myself why didn't i defend her instead any try to shield her from people's words? All she wanted to do was to see us and talk to us. But at the time, i could see that, and was just terrified about her making a scene. When i moved in with my father and step mom, things too a turn for the worse.

I had always been proud that my father was involved in Ministry and that he studies theology. I was just utterly shocked when i found out that he had converted and i had a step mom. On report card day, things were even more complicated. Since my dad was busy and worked far away, my step mom would come instead. And to the confirmation of my worst fears, when she did come, it caused and uproar in the class and the staff room. People came rushing to me, asking questions like "How come your mom is a malay? (when i am so obviously chinese)" and the second favourite "Have you/Will you /How come you havent convert?"

To the first question. That always got me very irritated. Because obviously, she isn't my mom. As grateful as i am to her for taking care of us for all those years, i could never ever really consider her my mom when my own real mom is still around and alive, being neglected. The cl0sest she ever came to was as a mother figure and as a friend. I hated it when she confided in my father, and requested (through him) for us to call her mother (mak).. I can tell you, i was just absolutely crazy. But being young and obedient to my father, we tried none the less. Initially, it was very very very difficuly. Felt like i had an apple stuck at my throat whenever i said the 'm' word. But after long periods, we kinda got used to it. But i never could get that feeling away, the feeling that i have betrayed my mom and became a useless son by calling someone else mom. It would eat at my heart when my mother asked me what did i call that 'other woman' and even worse when she said to me never ever to call that woman mother. Till this day, she never knew that we did in fact call her that.

To the second a trickier question of converting. I always hated to tone that the teachers and students (the malay ones) took when they asked me this question. The approach was that of "Hey welcome to the RIGHT religion. Im glad you are one the PROPER path." They asked me with a smug on their faces, and just kinda expected me to convert because it was the right thing to do. They weren't even trying to preach to me or make me understand the religion better. Just a "Hey, your dad took the right step, its about time you did!" tone, and i hated that. This tone of language, i sadly detect in Christians also. They belittle other religions. They speak with superiority about their religion and have that smug look on their face. How do you expect people to open us with that kind of arrogance?

You see, it's not that i have anything against Islam or Muslims for the matter. I have been living here in Malaysia all my life and know what racial and religious tolerence is. But i didn't fancy converting for a few good reasons. Thankfully, my dad gave us a free will to chose our own religion and never forced us to convert. But then according to the law, being below 16 at the time, ny dad had every right to convert us. So one of the reasons i refused was because, having had a dad in Ministry, i was always kinda proud of it and simply refused to even consider it because to me, Christianity seemed a pretty good religion. And i felt that if i did convert, i was betraying someone or something, a principle maybe, or God even, but i wasnt sure at the time.

Secondly was the ... erm.. the.. aah.. the ....well, in a nut shell, circumcision. Didn't fancy that. Being 11 years old, there are many things you dont know and even more things you where terrified of. All i knew at the time about circumcision was that it involve a (old) man from a mosque, a (possibly) blunt knife and your little winky. And that, in any 11 year old sane boys mind, was enough to convince me what stand to take. I didn't fancy some Tok/Pak whatever from the mosque pointing a knife at my future offspring! Silly it may sound, but that was (i admit) one of the major fear factors that made me simply refuse to convery. I am till today still uncircumcised and if i ever did, it would be out of choice my good friend! How glad i was seeing all those Malay boys walking around in their loose sarong, walking funnily and i wasn't one of them! I knew i had made the right decision! :P


Cheers..

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 12:11 am Comments: 0