Just walking and talking
I just had a very enjoyable time walking and talking with my dad. The kind of conversation that doesnt come that easily at times. For the past 3 or 4 years, my dad has been and still is facing very turbulent times. I can see that he is emotionally drained. And whatever emotional strength he had 10 years ago, its not there today. The only things thats keeping him going, he tells me, is the determination to see my brother and i both through college and to see us lead successful lives. I think long and hard about this, and i feel afraid, if i might let him down and effectively crushing whatever hopes and dreams that he has left. He tells me that he has no more hopes or dreams in life for himself to succeed. He puts that hope on us, and wants to live that success through us. We spoke about what makes the difference between the good and the great."The human spirit is indominable. The great are so because they refuse to be put down, refuse to be dominated by their circumstances. It is in anyone and everyone to succeed, what seperates the good from the great is their indominable spirit of not giving up. "
I see that i have alot of my father in me. He reflected to me some of the regrets in his life. Of being a great starter but never finishing what he started.
"When you are able to go out and present a great idea, speak eloquently with confidence, people look up to you and feel inspired that great things may come of it. But when you start that idea and not see it through, people will look back at you with silent resentment and dissapointment because you gave them hope.. but only a false one."
I take all his words to heart. Even in starting something great, it is finishing it that matters. In the world, it is the results that matter and not things that could have been. The great finisher takes the credit, rather that the starter and rewards go to those who get things done, not the starter, however brilliant a start it may have been. I have a bad habit of procrastinating. Delaying what needs to be done. I see that if i do not change this, it will bring me down.
He spoke about a person in his former company that joined in 10 years ago as an executive. Brilliant student, graduated with an MBA from the University of Singapore directly from his Bachelors in UM. 10 years later, today, he is still there, at the same job. There were 4 vacancies for the next level of management (which my father vacated when he left the company) in these 10 years, but never once was he considered for the post. People below him went up, but he stayed static. What was wrong? He obviously was a brilliant student, but he lacked integrity. Always procrastinating, trying to appear to have more important things to do. Trying to impress on everyone that he is an important person. To think that in 10 years he got nowhere is scary. Scary that it might happen to me.
"There will come a time when in your relationship, you ask yourself if you should go on. If you should hang on in this relationship and for what reason if you do. The depth of a relationship will be determined by the amount of sacrifice and tolerence that both parties are willing give into the relationship and to what purpose the relationship serves both parties in the long run. Love is an act, not a merely a feeling."
Im sure many have been at this crossroad in their relationship. To go on or to stop. When problems arise, do you see the donut or the hole in between? How do you determine if this person is right for you? Is the sole factor to determine if this relationship is going in the right direction is to ask " Are you happy?"..... Human emotion is volatile. Should being happy, sad or angy have anything to do with loving somebody? In your greatest moment of anger or sadness, can you genuinely say you love that person? How do you trust your emotion when its always changing? Do you need a reason to love someone? If yes, isnt that selfish? If no, does it mean you dont need a reason not to love them in the future also? i know that you can decide to love, in feeling and action. But are you being given the same in return...
Lots of questions... so little time. Love is a complicated issue sometimes.. i mean all the time. Does sex and love have to be related to each other? There is love.. with the absence of sex....can there be a reverse? of sex without love? Should there be? Some have said sex without love makes the person hollow.. Just how true is it? Do you hold your point of view because you genuinely feel so or have you just been taught to think that way? Are you sure?
Think about it a bit ok. And dont be judgemental or so sure of your convictions. You'd be surprise how wrong you can be to other people.. and so can I.
But that was my day with my father. Not all the words quoted are his alone... but the meaning is there. I hope its insighful to you
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 2:26 am
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