Forthnights

Suicide

Very recently, a person i know tried to commit suicide. Imagine the shock i had, when a friend told me "..... committed suicide." when what he meant was ".... tried to commit suiced." Theres a world of difference you know. But let me not get caught up with the lannguage.

You see, i have actually just got to know this very person. 2 days prior to that day, we all went out to the zoo together. The week before, we all enjoyed a home cooked meal in a friend's place. Naturally, hearing this sort of news is always shocking, especially when you never expected it to happen to anyone you actually know. Mind you, suicide cases are not uncommon here in KL. every now and then, we here of cases where people jump down the condo's. (On a creepier note, on the night of her attempted suicide, 2 other people were discovered dead in a nearby condo. An old lady jumped to her death, and a group found their housemate dead for 2 days, corpse all stinky and swollen. TARC student apparently.) But anyway, this person, messaged a mutual friend, asking what he thinks is the best way to die. Needless to say, and hour later, her ex-boyfriend (which was the primary cause of her depression) came crashing the locked door down and found her on the floor, blood gushing out of both her wrist.

She was taken to the hospital, but the their surprise, the hospital refused to take her in the moment ther realised it was an attempted suicide. I guess they didn't want to make a police report. So, she was taken to a private clinic and was treated there. For the next few days, my friends accompanied her as much as they could. But it was obvious that she was depressed and nothing they did or say could really cheer her up. Most of my friends were angry. They were angry that she has been so foolish and so silly to want to take her life. I felt sympathetic. I didn't know her that well, and i couldn't imagine what is was like, wanting to die.

But reading the signs, i told my friends what i thought. She didn't want to die. If a person really wanted to die, they would have just left a note, or none at all and get along with the job. No dramatics, to TV crew, family members screaming out, no people trying to persuade otherwise. Just die and let the note do the explaining and let them figure it out themselves. No, she didn't want to die. She wanted attention. First, she told someone, although indirectly. Her pride holding her back from doing so. People who commit suicide do it quietly, not announce it to people. Secondly, she didn't cut herself deeply or properly. Instead of going for the veins directly below the palm, she went lower, near the muscle. Though she did cut herself, and thoughtof dying, i don't think she really wanted or dare to. Afterall, it is always near death that a person realises how precious their lives is to them

I initially blamed the ex-boyfriend for just leaving her like that, but i was jumping to conclusions and made a mistake. After furhter revelations from my friend, i could see that things were not as simple as they seemed. But i won't comment on that just yet.

Our lives are not really our own to live. I came to this thought recently. All through out my years, i took a rather individualistic view of how i should run my life. But then i realised that when we live, we live for the people around as and the people we care about. All the money in the world would be useless if you had nobody to share it with. Those who show off their wealth do so because they are selfish and refused to share it with people. But when they eventually got what they wanted, they find themselves showing it off to people, trying to make them see what they have to make others attracted to them because, without knowing it, they long to share it with someone. That all their possesions are useless if that is the only thing you have, things.

When we are kids and teens, we are constantly taken care of by our parents. We do not ask why they love us and care for us so much, just accepting that it is so. Why even after we repeatedly do wrong or anger them, they will never renounce us? And being so used to the receiving end, we take it for granted. But when you start to love, and start to care for people (sometimes you cant differentiate them), you start to realise why we were so loved and cared for. When we love and care for someone, whether as a friend or special one, a part of us is given to them and they become an extention of you. It becomes second nature to be worried for them, to be happy when they are, sad when they are and to be angry when they are mistreated. Because you care for them like they were a part of you. This bond is even stronger when its your family , because they literally a part of you. They are you origin and your flesh and blood. Im sure many will come to thos realisation when they are older and have kids of their own

So back to the suicide thing, when we live, we do it not for our own sake of living, but for the people around us. That's what makes life meaningful, and that we are there makes life meaningful for the people around us. Before you think of suicide remember, you'll be killing a part of everyone you love and everyone who ever loved you

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 2:41 pm Comments: 0