Are we friends yet?
When you meet someone new, how should you act? Be yourself? Thats nonsense isnt it? How can you just say, be yourself? First of all, you are yourself ALL THE TIME! Exception of course if you make a conscious effort to act totally out of your natural character. When when are you being and not being yourself? When we are around some friends, we may be the center of the crowd, cracking all the jokes and making all the comments, or be the listener, quiet and attentive, but when with your siblings, parents, teachers, eldsers or juniors, surely we all behave with different variations in our speech or attitude right?You don't swear in front of your parents like you do with you friends. You don't tell dirty jokes to lecturers, you don't make a fool of yourself to strangers right? So are we just pretending to be different things when with different people?
Well, i certainly dont think so. A person is more complex than just a one dimensional character, im sure most will agree. Even cartoon characters have depth, all the more a real human being. But the real problem is, just how should you act, in front of someones who just got to know you, and is obviously summing you up? Of course, from the above, you will almost always be yourself, but which part?
To put things into perspective, i have in the recent past, made 2 new aquaintences. The first one, took me by surprised. On our very first meeting, he/she made it a point to be very friendly and chattable with. Too friendly in my opinion. I dont consider myself a cold or anti social person, and i dont know about the rest of the population, but i just cannot instantly laugh and joke with a person in the first 10 minutes of being introduced to them, especially when the jokes are directed at each other, and not some general "why did the chicken cross the road" joke. It takes familiarity and a level of comfort in a friends company before you can actually cross that like of poking fun at each other. Maybe this friends was also nervous, or like someone i know has said.. too eager to please and be friends. If brought a little too far, it would be at a point of just putting on a show...... you can't just instantly be best of friends right? You need time to slowly get to know that person before you start to crack jokes about them.
The other friend, quieter.. He/she didn't make any attempt to try to cover the tension of being in the company of an unfamiliar person. Just being polite and not too chatty (which i think is natural here in Malaysia) But i found myself, a few hours after getting to know this person, chatting and laughing away with this person among all friends, and already chatting like we were good friends. How come?
I think maybe when you try to bee too friendly, people get turned off. I think its better, as a stranger, to make yourself friendly and accessable, but to let things develope at a comfortable pace, and not force it. Best if you let them approach you, so they feel comfortable, and as consequence, more likely to open up, considering how it is they who initiated the conversation and its 'their turf' But then, do not take this advice blindly ar face value without first evaluating you situation. it'll be sure to backfire.
"I guess the essence of it all is that, if you seem too eager to please, people loose respect for you, because you have disrespected yourself by lowering your dignity just to please them. "
"When you try to be too friendly, people also naturally become distrustful of you. Somewhere along, everyone has learnt, the hard way or easy way, that nothing is free, and when people approach you and want to impress on you that they have something that you want, remember.. it's always the opposite."
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 4:50 pm
Comments: 1
