Faith
Do you believe in God? Do you really really believe in God? To what extent? How much would you trust God? I have heard that a man of God wallks by faith, not by sight. Meaning, you should trust God's word and do what is required of you, even if it seems like it's leading to no good.I saw a flier once, depicting this sentence. In it, there are 2 airplanes in front of a cartoon character. One was a beautiful plane, shiny and new. The other was a beat up and almost to pieces. The sentence below asked "Which one would you go on?" So, if i were to subscribe to walk by faith not by sight, and i was told that the torn up plane is the way to go, am i supposed to just go? To do what i am told is the way God has chosen for me and trust that it will not crash, against all my reasoning? And if i die on that plane, would it mean i died for a good cause, because i had faith?
I am not much of a man of faith and it is hard for me to believe that God would ask us to go against our own good conscience and judgement and just do whatever he asked us to. Does having faith mean that we are not allowed to question all that is given to us in life? If i had to go on a torn up plane. Should i just conclude that this is the plane God sent me, let us pray and have faith that God will see us through this journey? Is that the measure of faith? How much we are willing to ignore what we see, and just trust in God?
I must confess, i am a person that walks by sight. At times of hardship, i dont immediately turn to God for assistance. I admire friends who are able to immediately turn to God, pray and just truely believe that things will be better, and the fact that they prayed has made a difference. I find that almost impossible to do. Most of the decisions i made, most of the things i did, i did based on what i see.
I guess, in a way, the reason i havent found faith or complete trust in God is because i have yet to be truely convinced. Or rather, i have not convinced myself enough. I know throughout my life that in many ways, someone up there has been protecting me. I know that as it is, i should just accept God wholeheartedly, but there is still something that holds me back. A lingering feeling that tells me, "I want to be convinced. I want to be truely convicted." But have not been completely convinced. I need to see for myself the miracle of God, the miracle that everyone always says God has brought into their lives. Where is that miracle?
When i go to church, i feel more like an outsider. I feel like i somehow dont belong in this place. though i feel deeply drawn to try to establish some kind of contact with the man above, there seems to be that barrier. That barrier that makes me feel like i dont belong, that barrier that makes me unable to truely commune with the church people. I wished that i was already part of some church, already firmly integrated into its community, and truely living like part of it. But as it is, i feel more like I am on the outside, and there is some mental block that is preventing me from taking those few steps and entering His gates.
I have been told that to have faith, you will just have to believe. To just do and walk the path of a Christian, and the faith will come to you. But isnt that almost like brainwashing yourself? If i start to practice before truely believing, is that necessarily good? To just sing "God is good, God is great" first, then believe it later, is that how its supposed to work? To just believe first and be convinced later?
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 12:50 am
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