Forthnights

Lets talk condoms

It was just in the papers today; there has been a never
rending debate on whether it is right for the government to be distributing
condoms for free to people; chiefly, known drug addicts and sex workers to
control the spread of HIV/AIDS. Naturally, there were those for it and against
it.

Someone then came out and said that the government can’t be

seen as promoting the use of condoms, because promoting safe sex is in a way,
still promoting sex. It’s like a parent giving his daughter a lecture on
abstinence then giving her a condom. The words and the action don’t fit. In the
same article, it was also mentioned that condoms control the spread of
HIV/AIDS, and in other countries around the world, the strategy of distributing
condoms have actually worked. The best way to prevent any sort of Sexually
Transmitted Disease (STD) is abstinence from sex all together, or with only 1
regular partner. But in this day and age, abstinence is hard (if not
impossible) to promote, since you can’t really go around poking your nose in
others business telling them how their sex life should be. The fact is,
pre-marital sex is more and more common, even in our Asian society, though it
is no where as open as in western countries. Our older generation are either oblivious
to this fact, or are just to shy to even acknowledge it.

At the heart of all this condom issue is just our Asian

culture; we are too shy, too embarrassed to talk sex openly. We say that sex
education should be left out of school and be thought at home, but at home,
parents are too shy and don’t even know how to breach the topic. How can you
start talking about condoms in public when we can’t even mention the words
‘penis’ and ‘vagina’ without that awkward look on our face? In the end, as with
so many of my peers when we were growing up, the only source of information you
get about sex if your best friend, with his limited knowledge and your dad’s
secret stash of porn. And both give you an incomplete and distorted view on
sex.

So when we fail to get even the birds and bees right, we

aren’t really fit to talk about safe pollination. In safe sex, we have to get
the ‘sex’ part straight before we start talking about the ‘safe’ part. For
those who have half a brain and still can’t resist playing with fire, they
would take precautions. But sadly, due to social taboo and just pure shyness,
many youngsters just go ahead with the sex, behind doors, but not use condoms,
simply because they are too embarrassed to be seen buying a condom.

Friends I know continue to practice unsafe sex, because the

guy is too shy to buy a condom (jerk) and the girl is too nice to insist on it
(silly). So when jerk and silly combine, you get a baby. The first time I
bought a condom, it was on a dare. My friend wanted to know how it looked like
and how it was supposed to be worn. So we went to the store, thickened our
skins and bought one. The lady behind the counter showed a funny expression,
but we just acted as if it was chewing gum, just of a different rubber. We
opened the packaged and toyed around with it, read the instructions and
unrolled it, with bursts of laughter. “ooooh, so that’s how you use it.” And
that was how learned about condoms.

But how many people out there in Malaysia would do the same thing?

Being young, everyone wants to explore sex, and explore it they will, without
any precautions. Because the fact is, it’s a whole lot easier to get a room and
get it on with each other than it is to walk into a store and buy a packet of
condoms and risk being remembered or worse, recognized.

I will be the first to testify that buying a condom is an embarrassing business. You get this funny snigger or muted expression from the cashier (or is it just my head playing games?) and you wish the person behind you doesn’t notice what you are buying. “I’m a big boy now, so what if I am buying condoms?” you think to yourself defiantly. But it’s a necessary evil.

You want honey, you better be willing to go through the bee hive.

So should the government start giving out condoms? To the sex workers and addicts, a resounding YES. But to the public, perhaps not. Before we give out condoms, we should be teaching our kids what a condom is and why and when it should be used. But before we do that, we need to teach them what sex really is in the wholesome sense. We need to be frank with the fact that sex is a part of being human; for procreation, for bonding and enjoyment. Better to come clean and tell our kids all the things that sex is and isn’t then to just keep quiet. Because then they are going to start getting the wrong ideas about it, learning all the hot and steamy things and nothing more. If just information from friends and porn material is all we have to learn about sex, what would you get in the end? A whole generation who act
like porn stars in bed and thinking its perfectly normal.