If only my sons cared......
"It would be nice to know my sons cared that I will be operated on today"
........said the text message.
If my father's intention was trying to make me feel guilty, I think he succeeded. The message implied that we didnt care/didnt know that his operation was today.. which was true to a certain extent. I knew it was sometime the end of the month.. I just forgot the exact date.
Its hard to keep track when you are working your butt off even on a saturday and sunday, which is precisely what I have been doing the past 2 months.... the fact that I was smack in the middle of a construction site in Jurong Island Singapore didnt help either. Strictly speaking, I wasnt even allowed to carry in my phone, I couldnt call out since i didnt turn on my roaming feature, and my battery was almost dead.
I tried calling him lunch time.. but I couldnt get through.. maybe he was already in the OT.
Since my father moved down to Johor, we have had very little contact with him. He would ask my brother and I to keep in touch with him.. but I guess we have been so busy with our own lives.... we just never find the time. Ya, we are guilty in that sense. But it was his choice to move down south, away from his wicked wife... he rather suffer away from that woman than to have to live with her.
Anyway, I'm not trying to make excuses for forgetting the date. In my defense, the operation was not some crucial procedure. It was a pretty minor procedure... to be exact, it was to remove the cataract from his eyes, and these operations are generally safe! There's no life on the line here.
I do realise that ultimately, he just wants to know that someone out there cares about what happens to him, and that if something did happen to him, someone would know........ I know he gets lonely sometimes.. Some days, in the middle of my working day he would call and start talking... feeling compelled to give me all sorts of fatherly advice again... all while I sit at my desk trying to do my work. He asked if I was busy with work... and I answered yes... but for some reason he just continued talking. I listened as best I could.. but after 15 minutes on the phone, feeling that chatting any longer during office hours would be inappropriate, I cut him off and said I had to go.... and that was the last I heard for him until the message this morning.
As I write this, there is remains a heavy dose of guilt I have not been able to swallow just yet. We forgot about his operation, minor as it was, and he had to go at it alone... and that is as plain as it is.
How are you supposed to make amends for such an offense anyway?
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 1:14 am
Comments: 1
