Oh... the pains of leaving!
Leaving was difficult…. Not just in the emotional sense, but literally, it was hard to leave!
I had thought the most difficult part of it was saying goodbye to all that I was leaving behind.. The morning I left Sheffield, it was wet, cold and chilly making the whole setting gloomy, not unlike how I was feeling at the time. I had slept very little the night before, busy packing and trying to fight off that sinking feeling starting to form in my heart. I was leaving soon, in a matter of hours... and it made me sad inside. I had spent my last day to the fullest as I had promised myself. I had lunch with my friends (home cooked), I had gone to Norfolk park with a dear friend, did nothing but talk, take pictures and lie down on the grass. There was a hint of autumn; the flowers that first started to bloom during the beginning of summer when I arrived were now withering. Under the blue sky, people were bringing their dogs out for walks and enjoying the day …. but me… I was just trying to imbue the moment in my mind forever…
As morning approached, there were a million things racing through my mind, a million things I wanted to say; just something sincere and meaningful but as I hugged each and every one of them, but I was speechless. I deliberately hugged the person I would miss most last… maybe because it was hardest for me to say goodbye to her of all. Maybe it was because I had intended to say some last words to her as a fitting farewell in honour of our warm relationship, . “You are a public speaker for goodness sake, you’ve given speeches before hundreds of people.. say something you idiot… ” But the right words never came to me, at least not in time. By the time the bus left, I was kicking myself for not saying something more. I kept bashing myself. Of course, it didn’t help that the 2 girls I were traveling with were already in tears, by the time I arrived at the airport, I was pretty emo myself.. though I was careful not to show it. I was in a reflective mood at the time. I had gained so much over these 4 months.. none of which I really expected.. except the British degree of course. But more than that, I had grown spiritually, I had a different way of life, I had gone backpacking, I had immersed myself in a different culture.. I had learnt a grand total of 2 french words (wi & messi) but most significantly… I had come to know people.. I had gained friends.. and to my own surprise… I actually cared for them… a lot…
As we checked in, and waited for the boarding gate to be announced, I though it was going to have a looOong emotional flight home.. But there was to be no flight home at all for the day. The plane had technical problems.. a dent on the head.. and the engineers were working on it. We were issued free coupons for food at the counter. We had not eaten the entire day, except hot chocolate prepared back in Sheffield. But as we queued for food, we were called to the gate again: Our bags were to be collected and we were to be scheduled on another flight. So we went down to collect our luggage, only our luggage never surfaced. While everyone else got theirs, our bags were conspicuously missing. The stewardess told us to go check in into the other flight anyway, and our bags would be forwarded accordingly. So without our luggage, we queued up again to have our flights rescheduled, only to be told that we would have to rush to the 2nd terminal to catch a flight to London.. then to Malaysia.. problem was that upon arrival.. we would still not have our luggage… we would have to leave and address and the airline would send it to us in due time..just great. There was a second problem… the plane was leaving in 15 minutes.. so we unless we flew to the other terminal we weren’t going to make it. But we went none the less.. only to be turned back by the flight attendant.. the gate was close, even though the plane was still there.. So we had to walk back to the original terminal.. to our airline counter and tell them we were rejected.. By the time.. a lot of people had lost their temper. There were a few girls in tear, exhausted after 2 weeks of backpacking.. there was a family with 2 toddlers.. there were 2 elderly ‘makcik’s’ who looked totally dazed and confused since they didn’t speak a word of English (it was then that I realized I had not seen a Malay for 4 months!)…. And there was us.. and among us, a friend who was on the verge of a nervous breakdown; she had a horrible 3 months.. she couldn’t take the food, the weather or the people, and she was seriously home sick.. and now the stress of traveling was getting to her.
We were booked into a hotel room.. and unexpectedly, I got to spend one final night in the UK.. though it felt more like being in limbo more than anything else. I was no longer in Sheffield, I had said my goodbyes (though I was still kicking myself about that).. but I was not home either. Our distressed friend again could not handle the western dinner, and without her luggage or protein drink.. she was in pieces.. she vomited in the dining hall.. which was really embarrassing.. and totally avoidable if she had taken our advice and gone to the toilet! Sigh~ but anyway.. The airline promised us our luggage, but it never came.. and after dinner.. we made one final attempt and returned to the airport.. were we made up a half lie about our friend needing her medication (which was in fact just protein shake) from our luggage bags.. then they were sympathetic.. and by the end of the night.. we had our luggage again! Yay..
After 2 hearty buffets for dinner than breakfast (Malaysian easily bribed by good food you see)…and a comfy bed to sleep in, my friends and I were more than willing to forgive the airline for their screw-up, and we set out on our second attempt to return home. We joked that it was hard to enter the UK.. now it seems leaving it is a challenge too! It felt so much like some sort of test…a dare.. to test your endurance and your determination in returning home.. which is really fine.. if you wanted to return home in the first place… which wasn’t really the case for me., I was just playing the part.
After queuing for what felt like the hundredth time.. we were told that 3 of us would have to transit on a different flight.. to singapore.. before returning to KL.. another delay.. 3 of us would have a direct flight from Dubai.. only stopping by Singapore before arriving at KL on Sunday night.. that was the one I was on. 7 hours flight to Dubai.. 6 hour wait at Dubai.. 7 hour flight to Sinapore, 1 hour wait on the plane, and finally 1 hour to KLIA, and I was finally back in Malaysia. I found out later that those who did manage to get on that first rescheduled flight to London had to stay overnight at London too.. and those who transit at Singapore (3 of which were our friends) had to stay overnight there! So in that sense… the 3 of us on the direct flight were (relatively) lucky.
Driving home, nothing much had changed in KL.. I was in familiar territory again.. thought that was of little comfort. A friend had warned me about it, and I guess to a certain extent, I expected it to. I’m having some sort of post-overseas depression thingy.. That sinking feeling after being abroad and having the time of your life, to suddenly return home.. and reality bites.. work starts next week.. bills have to be paid.. have a runaway mom to take care of again.. etc etc….. blah blah blah.. blah blah blah…. I know I am not alone.. since by buddy keeps telling me he’s heart is still in Sheffield…. I know how it feels, because to me.. though I had gained to much.. I had left a piece of my heart back there with the friends I left behind. I know I will see them again… and that comforts me. But at the same time, there is the fear of drifting apart… but I guess… any lasting friendship or relationship would have to stand the test of time.. and friends of the heart never leave you.. even though you are far apart.
I have to keep pinching myself.. because suddenly these 3 months feels like a dream.. have I really been there and back again? Did those wonderful times really happen? Because it felt so good. Within the first day, I had my first reality check; my mother was in a relapse.. she had gone lepaking up north again.. and only returned last Saturday because she wants to see me.. She was being rather resistant.. and aggressive.. having punched my brother in the face. We suspect she’s going to take off again after seeing me. The other checks came when I realized I was dead broke.. my father is now interested in opening a goat farm… and my brother might be quitting his job soon and wants to open either a siew pao shop.. or tuition centre. Geeezz.. I was only away for 4 months.. whats with the goats and siew pao?
To continue reliving the past 3 months in my mind (what can I say, I dun move on that quickly) I kept looking the things I brought back, at my pictures from these past few months.. of cycling and hiking by the river in the Peak district.. of going to Paris and being conned.. of getting totally drunk and wasted in the hostel… of football Norfolk park and laying on the grass…. Of watching ManUtd vs Intermilan at Old Trafford… of visiting the charming seaside town of Whitby…and so many more… then there is the small beautiful bible I received from 2 friends in church.. with a short but sweet handwritten card inside from them.. “We notice you don’t have a bible with you.. that’s why.. So, bring it with you everywhere you go euhann..” she said to me.. I laughed.. and said to her I will.. And finally… there was this card I received from my dear friend.. who had graciously put up with us and our silly antics, and let us stay in her room in our final weeks at Sheffield. Its funny because, I had seen the card earlier.. She forgot to put it away when I was there.. but I didn’t realize it was for me. I was going to ask her who it was for.. but decided it was really none of my business, plus, it seemed kinda personal.. so I held my tongue… only to receive it 1 week later. Haha… Reading those neatly written words with the smileys here and there warmed my heart.... she thanked me for my support and encouragement.. and insist that I had taught her many things (when in fact she already had these qualities all along)… this card, this bible.. the only 2 personal gifts I received during my stay there.. are now invaluable to me.
Gosh.. I miss them so much.
Anywayz……. By the time I finished going through the pictures and gifts.. I was in a rather emo fuzzy, touchy feely mood (hug!).. I think I will probably need some time to get used to being back in Malaysia again…. The honeymoon is officially over.. but I’m not over the honeymoon yet… ~sigh~sigh~sigh~
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 6:02 pm
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