Bye bye sheffield.. and everyone in it!
I’m feeling rather melancholic right now.
It’s this whole issue of having to leave Sheffield in a matter of days that’s got me all down really…
It’s time to leave, but my heart is not ready to go… I think to myself that if only I had more time, I could prepare myself better.. and once I did the things I want to do, I could then return to Malaysia with a contented heart. But even if I were given more time.. how much would be enough? Its not a feeling of wanting to see more of the country, visiting more tourist spots… it’s a feeling of wanting to actually live here and be a part of this place... Its not an infatuation.. it’s a budding love affair I am starting to have with this land… If I did get the chance to stay back.. it would only make it harder for me to return home in the future.
Last night, as I sat down for dinner with 2 church friends, who are residents here, I shared my personal history with them for the first time. Of course, they were surprised. It struck me that this was the first, and probably the last time I would be sharing with them in such a setting. In their own words, they were just starting to get to know me, but before you know it, it is time to leave. Can you see where I am heading here?
I would not say I am bitter about it… but the feeling is not dissimilar.. It’s a feeling of being forced to accept the cruel ironies of life…. You wait the entire day, but the sunset only last 5 minutes. You wait 4 years for someone special to come along and they appear only at the end when it’s literally time to pack your bags and go home. You search all your life for some place you think you can call home and never find it, only to accidentally stumble upon it at the end when your time is up. Have you ever tried waiting for a bus.. convinced that if you stopped waiting right then, it would appear soon and you would miss it? Then, an hour later, when you neither have the patience nor the time to wait anymore, you catch the nearest taxi to leave, and just as the taxi departs and you are on your way, there in the back, appears the bus you have been waiting for for the past hour. Yes, life can just be incredibly ironic.
They say life would not be as exciting of we were immortal., that the moment would never seem so beautiful if it were something that could be replayed. The fact that those fleeting moments of joy and happiness can never be repeated makes them so precious, so priceless and so beautiful. We all want to preserve those beautiful moments of life that take our breath away; we take pictures and videos… we blog.. we write diaries.. all in an attempt to somehow preserve a piece of our life.. a feeling.. an incident… a view…a friend…. we never want it to pass, so we try to capture those moments so that it stays with us. But no matter what we do, those moments can never be repeated. They do only happen once in a life time. Accepting this fact, it makes our memories oh so sweet, and oh so precious. It makes us smile at the thought of it.. it makes us fuzzy and warm as hints of those emotions are refreshed in our hearts.. and then the twinge sadness comes in and we realize that those moments can never be relieved again.
Goodbye Sheffield. I will miss this lovely city… By the grace of God, I will return some day. Thank you to the lovely Joy that I got to know in coming here. Thank you for the memories.. and your friendship. I will miss you most.
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 10:17 pm
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