Forthnights

How it was on 29.07.2007

I woke up in the morning telling myself today was going to be a different day; today would be a wonderful day. It was a Sunday, and it was my birthday.

I hit the showers, and 20 minutes later, I was walking to the local car boot sale. For some reason, even though no body else wanted to go, I insisted on going, even if it was on my own. So there I was 730am walking alone on the quite streets of Sheffield. The city always woke up late after a hard night of partying on Saturday. Some part of me wanted someone to be there beside me, walking with me; it was my birthday after all, and being alone first thing in the morning seemed hardly a good start. But some part of me was content. It had time to hear my own thoughts, to reflect on these 2 months, to reflect on my life.. you know, that some old boring stuff. These 2 months have passed like a runaway train, and I guess that long walk alone helped me digest that fact.

I thought of the rather pleasant surprises that I received the past 2 days. Though technically it was not my birthday yet, the people at church baked a cake in my honour (along with a few others who were also celebrating their birthday). They sang a song, asked me to make a wish, blow the candles and cut the cake, and it was time for me to give some sort of speech, impromptu. I didn't know what to say, except for what was in my heart; I had felt extremely welcomed and accepted by them. The next day, I went for a walk out in the park with another friend (at her insistence) and as it turns she too knew all along that it was my birthday, as present she bought this really expensive chocolate ice cream for me-and though the ice cream would do more harm that good to me, I appreciated the gesture none the less.

That night, 2 of my buddies bought 2 large pizza's, roast chicken and a bottle of red wine. They didn't really know how to say it upfront that it was for my birthday; I guess that the being with being guys. Instead, they asked me"Do you know what these food is for?".... "For eating I presume?" said I. And they cheekily said that it was for my birthday. Of course, that was before they told me the only reason they remembered was because a friend from Malaysia sent her birthday wishes to me through them, just hours earlier. At 12 midnight, we popped the red wine, but I soon discovered that it was de-alcoholized (which isn't even a real word) ... That same night, a friend from Australia sent me a message wishing me well and asking me to go easy on the beers during my wild birthday celebration. I was staring to wonder what kind of a drinking reputation I was having among my friends!

Anyway, due to the de-alcoholized red wine, I woke up in the morning fresh as and fully awake, and walking alone to the morning market in my new shoes and jeans; I had finally indulge in some shopping after repeatedly being criticized by my friend for not treating myself better. After that I went straight to church service. After that I went to a friends place for some chit chat, and it was there that the day became truly different.

This was a new friend, and though we have known each other for over a year through my brother, we didn't really know each other. So there we were talking about photography, comparing pictures taken during our stay here. She told me she liked the pictures I took and posted on my friendster profile, and she has tried emulating it. Now, I'm pretty sure I don't deserve that, because most of my pictures are pretty ordinary, and I don't even own a camera. But heck, it was my birthday, so I received the compliment with as much grace as I could.

As with most introductions, we then traded life stories, and being me, I just love talking about life. She knew a little bit about my story, from my brother, though it was barely scratching the surface. So I told her as much as I could, without trying to sound too dramatic. It was a story I had told many times to many people, but have never been reluctant to tell my story to a willing and sincere ear. After that she told me about her life and her struggles, and I listened as best I could. Unlike me, her struggles were recent and still fresh in mind, and I could feel the rawness of her emotions. As she spoke, tears started rolling down her cheeks. I could see that the pain was still very near to her, the wounds were not entirely healed yet. I knew how it felt like to have your heart hurt so bad, it feels like it is physically aching. To suffer in silence, and not able to share it with anyone... not many would understand. She did not talk about these things openly, and many of her friends are not aware of what she is going through; something I shared in common with her. I tried my best to offer comfort, though I wasn't sure how to act; my first instinct was to give her a big warm teddy bear hug... but I hesitated. So I just held her hand for a while and gave it a few pats..I told her it was okay... nothing to be embarrassed about. (later I would be kicking myself for not thing of something better to do) Tears are the greatest form of release when we are in pain, and I only hoped that those tears helped relieve her somehow.

When it was time to leave, I felt honoured. I had just been given a special gift for my birthday. She had just shared with me a part of her life and struggles. I dared not ask her why she chose to tell me her worries and not others closer to her. But then again, from experience, I remembered; its sometimes easier to pour out to a total stranger than to a friend, who might start judging and forming impressions. Who would expect such a sweet and jolly girl to carry serious burdens on her shoulder too?

Again, it was a lonely walk home, but it was evening by then. More reflecting on the way home; I felt like I had just gain a genuine new friend. Words from our earlier conversation rang fresh in my mind. "Luckily God choose your brother and you to face those problems... if it were someone else, they would have probably gone wrong. But the 2 of your didn't. They were comforting words to me, because it implied that we had strength. For such a long time, so much of those pain and suffering seemed to be the source of pain and agony for me. But now, they have become a source of strength; a rock, a pillar, in which I have used to built my life. Indeed the day turned out to be different.

"Happy 22nd birthday...." I quietly said to myself.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 7:20 pm Comments: 1