Listen up!
If you talk about good communication skills, most of us would associate it with good speaking skills; the ability to be witty, to be charming, to always say the right things at the right time. That’s what being a good communicator is about; being able to get your point through with great eloquence and ease, just like how a good speaker would.
But being a good speaker is not the same with being a good communicator. Being able to speak well does not mean you are good at communication. In fact, I notice that sometimes, the more eloquent the speaker, the worse he is at communicating. Confused? People who talk all the time, never learn how to listen. That’s why. All they are good at is putting their point through, of convincing others of their point, with little thought of what the others think or feel. How many times have you come across someone, only too eager to interrupt in the middle of your sentence, because they just thought of something interesting to add, that can’t wait till you finish. Or right after you say something, they immediately jump in with something else to say. The truth is, while you are busy talking away, they are busy thinking of their reply to you. The focus is not what is being said by you, but on what they are about to say next. How many times have you done that?
The world is filled with people who pride themselves in being good speakers... and many who would like to claim to be great listeners. But most of them are busier talking about how great they are at listening rather than actually doing any of it. Good listeners are a rare breed in this world, and sadly, often under-rated and go by in life un-noticed. It’s always the ones who speak up who get all the attentions, always the one in the limelight. You would often hear praise being lavished on someone who has just spoken given an impressive speech in front of a crowd. But it’s the listeners who are the ones we inevitably prove themselves invaluable. In our times of sadness and need, happiness and joy what do we do? We go to someone we trust will listen and understand. Someone who would empathise with whatever you are feeling at the moment. Not someone who constantly tries to talk you down or talks back to you about how they are all the time. What about the companion that sits silently, giving you their full attention, not busy interrupting, not busy giving their own input, but purely focusing their questions and replies on what you have to say, and nothing more. How many times have you given them their long overdue praise? How many times have you actually encountered such persons? Not many I would imagine.
If you think about it, listening should really be a piece of cake. After all, all you have to do is just sit there and do nothing right? Wrong. Hearing someone talk is peanuts… listening is tough, you hear me?
You want to know how to be a listener? Try this.
Listen to what the person is saying. Understand what he is trying to say. More importantly, try to see the emotions underlying those words… If something comes to you mind that you want to say… hold that thought, it can wait. What matters at the moment is not what’s on your mind, but what is on his/her mind. Don’t think of the answer in your mind. Concentrate on digesting what has just been said. Ponder on it, and give your reply or question. Your reply should not always be about you and you and you… Your chance to share will come… people are often more than willing to listen to you if they feel that you have given them their fair share of attention, and that is what your focus should be on.
It’s not just about disciplining your mouth to stop functioning and your ears to start. It’s disciplining your mind… to consciously and deliberately put greater importance on what someone else has to say rather than your own. Don’t kid yourself. Listening is tough.
If you can do that, people will walk away remembering just how great a conversationalist you are, though it was primarily them doing the talking and you the listening. They wouldn’t realise why, but you will. So you not only gain new respect and favour from people, you gain genuine insight into them, because you were listening! Just make sure you don’t go around boasting how great you are at it OK.
So if you ever manage to master these listening skills and are now a brilliant communicator and conversationalist look me up and teach me, because I have been trying for so long and still find it soOo hard.
What’s that you said again? Sorry, I wasn’t listening. ;-)
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 8:24 pm
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