Just for laughs
Want to hear the world's official funniest joke? Here it is;Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?" Plus a list of the funniest jokes by countryTop joke in UKA woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”
Top joke in USAThe American data proved to be somewhat strange. Dave Barry is a well known humourist whose columns are syndicated in many American newspapers. In January 2002 he kindly devoted an entire column to LaughLab. At the end of the column he urged readers to submit jokes that simply ended with the punch line:
‘There's a weasel chomping on my privates.’
Within just a few days we had received over 1500 ‘weasel chomping’ jokes.
One weasel joke scored very highly in the USA and almost became the funniest joke in America. Here it is:
At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.”
“Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation. “There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”
However, ignoring the weasels, the top American joke was…
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.” The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Top joke in Canada
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C. The Russians used a pencil.
Top joke in AustraliaThis woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight....”
Top joke in BelgiumWhy do ducks have webbed feet?
To stamp out fires.
Why do elephants have flat feet?
To stamp out burning ducks.
Top joke in GermanyA general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That's not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That's it.”
*
I found the UK joke the funniest of all. Sent me laughing all the way back to work! *taken from
www.laughlab.co.uk
How do you mend a broken heart?
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Mahatma Ghandi
What would you do if you found out that your partner is cheating on you?
I have a friend who’s facing that right now. To make it all make sense, we go back to early February last year when he was still very much a single guy. There was this pretty girl that occasionally attends the same class as us in college. She stood out because firstly, there was only a small handful of girls in our engineering course, and secondly, she was the prettiest of them all. Anyway, my friend got to know her, and just at the right moment too. It turned out she was having problems with her current boyfriend, and started confiding in my friend. We didn’t know what was going on until we heard rumours that my friend was seeing some girl. Of course, he eventually came clean with us and told us when we saw him ourselves, having supper with her alone. It happened rather suddenly really, one week they were just friends, next week they were love birds.
But things didn’t go off to a good start for them. You see, despite her sweet looks and big hazel eyes, this girl has a rather nasty reputation. There were rumours flying left right and center about how this girl is not as good as she seems. Talk about how she is a ‘player’ and a gold digger. Worst among this was the fact that she broke up with her boyfriend AFTER she coupled with my friend. And that boyfriend came by her house trying to talk to her, she refused, and he hit his face into the wall (a bit dramatic ya?) Also about how the boyfriend immediately demanded for his money back from her. Needless to say, many people didn’t approve of this girl. Others (mostly women) including my girlfriend and a friends parent just said they didn’t like her. Mind you, these people didn’t hear any of the rumours. There was just something about this girl that people didn’t like. Call it your gut instinct or women’s intuition. Me being bias refused to believe any of it, after all, you shouldnt simply believe rumours, plus this was my friends first time, so I though, hey, give him a break.
So they got together despite the protest from his friends around him, and in doing so he alienated his friends. Since his friends disapproved of her, and she didn’t like them either, my friend became increasingly consumed in his time and though to her. It came to a point where we asked him out to give him a heart-to-heart or man-to-man (what have you) about the entire matter. He was neglecting his studies, and ever absent in our group assignments. I told him straight to the face “If you are not mature enough to handle a girlfriend, you should break it off.” He was apologetic about the whole matter and said he would try to improve in the future, but it all cam to nothing. He became more and more distant to us, and we eventually gave up, stopped trying to tell him how to run his like. Occasionally, when we did meet, I gave him whatever little advice I learnt from my own relationship. The girl was skipping classes, and she had no friends of her own either. She gave lame excuses such as being sick or tired, and my friend was too lacking a backbone make her do the right thing. The accumulation of that problem was she being barred form the semester examinations, and when she was called for the bar interview, she and my friend forged a fake mc to cover for her absent days. Of course, this was discovered and she was barred from all exams. She was to ashamed to come to school again and just refused to go to college anymore. She stayed at home for the rest of the semester.
I won’t go into too much of her background details only that her father left when she was young. To earn extra income, she worked as a promoter girl, promoting all sorts of things such as hand phones, electronic goods and such. Now, as many of you know, these promoter girls are required to wear skimpy spaghetti straps and shorts shirts. But you are paid a whopping RM150 for just a half days work. The money is fantastic no doubt, but not many boyfriends and certainly no fathers would ever approve of their baby girl doing such jobs. Its fine when its other girls, but not your own. But my friend was too kind and understanding (or spineless if you ask me) to ask her to stop. The money is good he said, and she needs it.
So that was how it was for pretty much a year. She worked on weekends and he would send her around in his newly bought car. Many of us suspect that she played no small part in him suddenly wanting a car from his father. Anyway, we didn’t socialize as a group much with him anymore, since asking him was effectively asking her along, and many of us didn’t welcome that. She just had a way of alienating people. I knew there were problems between them from the first time I chatted with them. She was talking about how stupid (yes, that was the word she used) he was. “He’s so naïve and knows so little things.” She told me. I tried to back my friend up saying that yes, he was a little lacking in general knowledge and a bit green when it comes to society, but he’s really a good hearted guy who loves you a lot. She just shrugged me off and said “I cant accept my boyfriend like that.” I was baffled since she just said it in front of him and me, and if she couldn’t accept it, why did she say yes to him at the first place?
Anyway, that left me without a doubt that this girl was a handful to my friend if he didn’t quickly learn how to handle or ‘tame’ her. Second incident was when they came for our annual caroling in the hospital. This was kind of a high priority for me, and the fact that he came an hour late on numerous occasions during practice really got me furious. I knew he would bring her along on the day, so I told her and him months again to learn all the Christmas songs so that on the day, she could sing along too. But come the day, not only did she not know how to sing any of the songs (how hard can it be for goodness sake!), she refused to put on a smile since just hours earlier she had a fight with my friend. That really crossed the line for me, and I made a mental note not to invite her along ever again to anything.
Fast forward to the present, she had moved on from promoting cell phones to cigarettes. Now, that was really something serious and what’s more, in all sorts of back watered towns. That is a definite no no in my books, but again my friend was ‘kind’ enough to allow it. Suddenly it happened. Her attitude towards him suddenly changed. She started going out with this cigarette girls and their supervisor, a guy a lot. Going up to Genting to gamble, going late night supper, clubbing etc and not wanting to get my friend involved. She started messaging this older, richer guy a lot and started to be very sweet to him and more and more distant to my friend. My friend then saw one of her messages where he refered to her as ‘darling’ and he confronted her. She said it was just playful banter and he let it go. Then he saw another message a week later with the words ‘I love you.’ I don’t know about him, but that definitely qualifies as cheating. He confronted her again and she just told him not to bother about her and he should concentrate on his exams. He asked her how long they were at it and she told him one week. Over dinner just before the exams, he finally revealed to us what was happening. He expressed his surprise as to just how fast her attitude towards him has changed. But none of us at the table was surprised. A few of my friends even made a secret bet as to how long they would last. I felt sorry for him, because like me, he has pour all his heart into that relationship, sincerely believing that this girl was Gods blessing to him. “I really prayed and thanked God for sending her to me.” He told me. The pain he felt now was almost equivalent to loosing his mother to breast cancer 3 years ago. Quietly, I found that hard to swallow. This girl does not deserve such a high standing, and to associate her with his late mother was an insult to her memory to me. We all gave him our 2 cents worth of advice, and it was that she never loved him as much as he loved her. She has shown little commitment and tolerance, she even challenged his contribution towards her, all within a week of meeting this one special guy. Its almost déjà vu, since a friend of mine had this to say at the start of their relationship “That girl is easy to get, all you need is money and charm, and you can lure her away from any guy.” I guess that prophecy has been fulfilled. In the end we told him, get rid of her before she gets rid of you, and even if you did it right now, it isn’t soon enough.
We parted that day and I seriously though he knew what to do next. But to my great and utter surprise, I received news that they decided to just be friends, but they were still living together. What’s more, he was still going to send her to her hometown during the weekend! I got furious. How stupid can you be? How blind can love make you? Do you think you little sacrifice will go appreciated?
I do believe that 2 people can be friends after they break up, but it HAS to be after a clean break, and only after the wounds on both sides are healed. He should be furious at her cheating on him, instead he asks her what he has done wrong to her. I pity him. I know that he deeply loves the girls, that’s why he is more than willing to forgive her if only she would ask for it. But I pointed out to him that she has not apologized and doesn’t even seem the least bit apologetic about the matter. Is that a girl worth loving? No my friend, you have lost her, long before any of this happened. In fact, I doubt if you had her in the first place. I highly doubt she gave you her body in this 1 year, but is seems obvious to a point that she never gave you her heart or her mind.
The fact that he still is willing to do things for her, send her around is silly. Under the pretense of friendship, he remains by her side. But this girl has shown herself to be manipulative, cunning and heartless. She continues to use him for her own benefit, dangling the carrot of a hope of reconciliation. You are no match for her my friend.
You are a kind soul, innocent and without deceit. You are a fool perhaps, but only a fool of love. She knows your heart, and she will use you, like she has for the past years. You have been nothing but a filler until something better comes along, and that something has arrived. It’s the sad and bitter truth. Being in a relationship myself, I understand how you feel. The sacrifices you make, the lines you draw, the friendships you severe in the name of love have all brought to naught. You struggle to come to terms with all that has happened and the pace that it has happen. You are desperate to make things better again to how it used to be, accepting whatever offer she gives you, even if it is just crumbs of friendship. You must not be used and played by her. She may come back to you, but only if it doesn’t work out with the other guy. Are you willing to be second fiddle? Are you willing to continue waiting by her side to return to you when it was she who wronged you in the first place? You have played your cards poorly, and despite the odds, she has the upper hand. Do you not see? She has played you like a fiddle. Give yourself time and search your soul. Is this a woman worth loving? She is your first love, but she is not your last.
Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman. But lucky is the woman who is the last love of a man.
She does not deserve it my friend, and you deserved better. Give yourself time and do what you know is right. You may forgive her for what she has done to you because you love her. But it doesn’t change anything, and you and her may not be destined to be together again despite your eagerness to forgive. You have to accept that things have changed, and the woman you love has been lost to you. Maybe you should pray to God and ask this of him
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
Malaysian Lingo
I received this e-mail from a friend, and just so you know how we Malaysians speak, here are some examples. Its not what you would call elegant, but hey..... thats Malaysians for you. Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-point, effective etc ... though we usually reserve speaking in this way our fellow countrymen. WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey, put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No-need, lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: Don't be shy, lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're
coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please ! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time.. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why like that....
WHEN SOME ONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it here let me show you,
Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!!!!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me
Malaysians: Celaka u
Love and dating
Love seems to always be an interesting topic to everyone.
Just the other day, a friend of mine was just asking me why the friend around us were dating. Was it because they see all their other friends dating so they too want to try it out? How does a guy go about courting a girl he fancies but has totally no connection with? How do you know if you are getting into it for the right reasons?
Short questions, but no short answers. For starters, i feel that many of my younger generation get into relationships for all the wrong reasons. It really seems like we all are really dating for dating sake. Some friends of mine (along with my brother when he was in college) made a conscious decision not to date while they were studying. They didn’t want to handle the problems that come with it, or the responsibilities that entails it. (Quite a grim outlook on love if you ask me)
Why do we want to go dating? For some others, its simply because it just hasn’t happen yet. This mostly applies to girls; waiting for the right guy to come along maybe. But to me, it’s not exactly wrong all the way to date for dating sake.
My reply was that i guess it was just the most natural thing to want. You reach a time in your life where the opposite sex just seems so much more interesting that your regular kaki's. Which is ok really. To me, its our instincts kicking in. I dont think any of us who have feel in love can really forget how it feels like to fall head over heels for someone for the first time. The feeling of being on cloud nine, the sweet but tormenting feeling of missing that special someone, the euphoria of finally meeting that person and of course that surge of electricity you feel in your hands the first time you hold her hand. Aaaahh.... the sweetness of a budding love. (Of course I cant tell you that all those quickly wear out 6 months later and what you are left with is a more than demanding and very expensive to maintain girlfriend who nags at you for not combing your hair often enough.... Ooopps)
Yes love is sweet at the beginning, as many of my friends have come to learn and enjoy, but there are some of them (one in particular) who is only starting to comprehend just what they have gotten themselves into. A friend of mine joked that its like a fly caught in the webs of a black widow.. or a delusional male praying mantis going after the female Mantis. She looks sweet and vulnerable now, but wait till dinner time and see what’s for dinner! I’m starting to think women are a little psychic. They always seem to know if you’re lying, and they (almost) always know which buttons to push to get what they want. Sometimes it’s the impossible-to-resist kitten eyes which you just can’t say no to. Other times it’s the red eyed-fire-breathing dragon lady which again, you just can’t say no to, unless you are willing to go the next 2 month without so much as a peck on the cheek.
But seriously, the fuzzy feelings of love aren’t to be taken lightly. It wasn’t only until I was in a relationship did I realise I wasn’t quite ready for it. So you learn along the way and pick up bits and pieces of wisdom. I’m lucky that learning process hasn’t cost me more that I can bear (yet), but I still have a lot to learn. The real problem with that fuzzy feeling is, it can really get you delusional, just like the fly and the mantis. Like they say, love is blind. Love and sex can give you a sense of false closeness and familiarity. Being in love for the first 6months to a year, everyone thinks they have found their soul mate. How many times have we heard friends say “I know its only been xxx months, but it feels like I’ve known him all my life!” Familiar? I bet every one of us has either hear it or said it ourselves before. I think maybe at some unconscious level, we are just so eager to be swept off our feet, to believe that we have really found that special someone, so we try to convince ourselves with all sorts of reasons that we and that person share a special bond. The reality is, we don’t know that person at all. We are crazy of each other yes, but we don’t know each other that well, and to get there it’s the old fashion time and effort. No past life partner, no match made in heaven.
How does a guy go about courting a girl he fancies but has totally no connection with? A very very interesting question, the answer to which I am sure many men want an answer for. I understand why he asked me this. Because on countless occasions, he’s always coming in contact with women he’s not interested in, and the ones he IS interested in; the more eligible ones never seem to cross paths with him. To illustrate, there was once he and I were watching a performance in our school cafeteria. Across the crowd, he spotted a very beautiful girl, the kind that sends goosebumps down your spine the minute she looks your way. Well, that how he felt at least. I didn’t fancy her too much since she was so skinny! But anyway, the thought of that girl stayed with him for the next few days, and he thought of little else. We talked about it, and the question was, if he wanted to get to know that girl, how could he possibly do it?
First problem was, my normally talkative friend becomes some sort of mime (read = shy) whenever he’s around a pretty girl. Secondly, we don’t even know who she is in the first place! We came up with all sorts of ideas. He could just walk up to her and chat her up but it seemed too direct, and with his body size (quite big) she’d probably be frightened away. He could try to find out her course of study and get some remote friend to do an intro, but it meant announcing his interest to the whole world. Lastly, and most desperately, some willing friend would act as a thief/pervert/stalker and disturb the girl. Then, my friend would heroically bash the said accomplice, save the day and get the girl, just like in the movies! But that was something more out of Hollywood.
In the end, since none of our plans were feasible, he gave up his little infatuation for our nameless girl. He then asked me how I or other friends ended up with our girlfriends. I told him it was mixture of fate, opportunity on the part of God, sincerity, courage and a very thick skin on our part.
What if she says NO?He said he was terrified of being rejected, that if he asked, she might say no. I said to him firstly, a woman’s heart can change, especially when faced with a man whose bearing his heart and soul for her to see. Secondly, you don’t ask DA QUESTION until you are absolutely sure the answer is yes. Long before you verbally ask her, you should already know the answer. As I understand it, women are born experts in reading and sending out subtle messages via body language. Unfortunately for us guys, we are as sensitive as a stone when it comes to it. If you ask her out (just the 2 of you) and she says yes, it’s a sign. If every time she calls you she’s available, it’s a sign. If SHE calls you or asks you out, its not a sign. Its an announcement of intent. Problem is, women don’t always tell you what they want. They leave hints here and there for you, and most of the time if you are as sharp as a hammer (like me), you wont pick it up. But in the end, women too learn how men function and, having a big heart, they usually stop hinting at you and just hit you with the whole truth, either she announces she already has a boyfriend, or you’re not her type, or she’ll just ask you (like my girlfriend did)
“Do you have something to tell me?”
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“I think you know what I mean.”
“Eeeerrrrrmm… i….sort...of.. you know la…..”
“I don’t know… tell me.”
Just a few lines of careful manipulation, and I was spilling all the beans to her about how I feel. Man, women are masters at this game.
Anyway, the point is, if you’re sharp enough, you’ll know whether the answer is yes or no without having to ask. She’ll show it to you in a million and one subtle ways. She’s make a cup of coffee for you without you asking. She’ll buy a shirt for you and ask you to wear it when you go out, she’ll brush shoulders with you or even hold your hand (only for the clueless). If its no, she’ll always have a friend when you go out with her. She’s not always willing to chat with you, she doesn’t return your calls or she talks non stop about her boyfriend (whether real or imaginary)
How do you know if you are getting into it for the right reasons?Different people would have different answers. Some say its only if you are serious and intend to settle down. What’s the point of just dating for dating sake if it leads to no end? But my immediate question to them is “How do you know you want to settle down with a particular person unless you start dating?” I don’t think anyone can confidently start a relationship knowing that they intend to settle down with that person. I DO believe that everyone should go into a relationship, eyes wide open with the intention to develop the relationship to whatever ends it is fate to have, whether it leads to a break up or marriage (which is another beginning).Others do less deliberating and just follow their feelings. I don’t know if there is a one right reason to start dating, but I do know the WRONG reasons for dating. If you first decide you want a girlfriend then, look for a candidate, that’s wrong. If you want sex, that’s about the ‘wrongest’ (cant think of a proper word) reason. If you want a girlfriend because you feel lonely, its wrong because you enter the relationship with a selfish intent. If you want a girlfriend because all your friends are dating, that’s not just wrong, its plain stupid. It means you are a spineless sotong (malay for squid) not capable of deciding what you want. I guess the most natural reason to start dating is, you just cant seem to stop thinking of that person. All you want to do is be around her/him, talk to them, hear their voice and be beside them. The next thing you know, you are like peas and carrots and effectively dating. All that’s left is the formality of asking. But I said natural reason. It may not necessarily be a right reason. In the end, its really up to the individual i guess. Being in love is almost synonymous with being crazy. You do things that sometimes just dont make sense, and despite all reasoning, your heart still tells you you're doing the right thing. That when you know you've been hit by the love bug my friend!
So, that my 2 cents worth!
Goodbye Croc Hunter
Just in case you are the last person on the person not to know yet, Steve Irwin, the famous and ever enthusiastic wildlife conservationist died on Monday (4th October) after being pierced in the heart by a sting ray. I’m sure you know very well all the details by now, so I won’t dive (forgive the pun) into it. I was really shocked at the news, almost to the point of not wanting to believe it. After all, this was the guy that dodged crocodiles, snakes and other deadly creatures for a living hence the name ‘crocodile hunter’. But how cruel fate can be some times, when he was killed by a peaceful and rarely harmless stingray.
I was rather annoyed actually, since I sort of exclaimed out “Steve Irwin died! I can’t believe it!” and a friend beside me just looked at me and asked “Who is that?” Who is that? I didn’t even know where to begin. This is the guy that plays with crocs. This is the guy that seems to love almost every single creature on Earth. The guy with an enthusiasm for animals so contagious it would make you want to kiss a toad and say “Crikey, you’re gorgeous!....” well, almost…..
But seriously, I was really sad to hear it, and my some of the people I told were equally shocked. He was just such a cheerful and passionate character to watch, almost larger than life in a way. You’d never think he would die in such a dramatic manner at such an early age. My first thoughts went out to his family, his wife, children and even that black dog Sue; to think that they would never get to see him again and call him daddy. Would his 3 year old son remember him? Will his wife Teri stay in Australia or return to the US? None of my business really, but I couldn’t help but wonder how they were going to cope. My sadness wasn’t so much for the death of an environmentalist, but for the death of a father, a husband, a son and a friend.
The fact that he died so young and still in his prime seem so cruel, not unlike the death of Princess Diana. The only consolation was this; he died as he had live and he died doing what he loved most, around the wildlife that shaped his life and ultimately his death. And that was something that stayed with me for a while. I started to ask myself, if I died as suddenly as he did, could I say the same for myself? No. Its strange how death seems to always remind us of life. And though we know death is part of life, you need to put it side my side to really appreciate the significance of it. For the next 2 days, I thought a lot about it. I’m not sure how this will sound, but learning the death of someone else made me really appreciate the fact that I was still alive. I guess the greatest fear I can think of in dying is not death itself, but the thought of not being able to say your final goodbye to those who were so significant in defining your life; to say “Thank you for making my life worth living. I love you very much. Good bye.”
It also dawned on me this; Life is indeed short, death does not wait, and it does not discriminate. We don’t get to wait until our life is properly in order and everything is ok before we start living or start enjoying our life. This is it, right here, right now. It forced me to reevaluate how I have been feeling these pass few months. I confided in a friend just a few days earlier how I seem to get more than my fair share of hardship. Though I still feel that way, I suddenly find myself less upset about it, and a little less angry at life itself. To say life is fair or unfair seems almost irrelevant to a certain extent. I may get so angry or sad at times, but nothing is going to change. I don’t deserve these problems in my life any more than Steve Irwin deserved to die like that, but it happened anyway, along with many countless tragedies.
Maybe I think too much; maybe I do too much reflecting. But I now try to tell myself to live life to the fullest and stop being so down about it all since you never know what may happened . It sounds like I’m repeating myself endlessly, I know. Steve Irwin died young, at the age of 44 leaving behind wife and children, but he spent his entire live doing what he loved, and to me, that is a life lived to the fullest. Not many people can claim the same thing, and with that in mind, I carry on.
Dogs, mothers and men
Yay, so after what seemed like an eternity of studying and sitting for exams, im finally free to do what I want, at least for the moment. Though its holiday time for me, I still have my thesis to write, plus I took on a job as a temporary assistant in the college admin office. I wish I didn’t have to work, since have such a short holiday (3 weeks) but I need the money more than the freedom
Back in the frontline of the war (home), things have been happening. For starters, the 2 weeks ago, an officer from the local municipal council paid a visit to our house to check out on some complaint about us having a dog. As you know, we got Doby (that’s his name) about 2 years ago. I didn’t agree to it initially, but accepted the inevitable since the dog was already brought home. I took it upon myself to train that mutt, teaching it how to sit, lay down, stand, jump, go to the toilet, give its hand etc…. I’m proud to see today that he’s quite obedient (when he wants to) and perfectly toilet trained (though he cant flush!). He can be a real rascal sometimes, having on numerous occasions chow on my shoes and socks. But other than that, I love that dog to pieces. He’s such a charming fellow, volunteering all his tricks to you whenever you have something to eat, and snuggling up to you when you are sitting down, licking your face when he wants to play.
Anyway, this officer gave us one week to evict the dog or face action against us and the dog. Since we lived in a flat, pets weren’t allowed. So, my brother took the dog with him to his place (which is a condominium that doesn’t allow dogs too). We don’t really know how long Doby can stay there before someone discovers that my brother is keeping a dog. I was really sore with the whole issue, since firstly, we have been having the dog for almost 2 years now and there have been no problems. We rarely if even ever bring the dog out for walks, since we were very rudely told off the last time. We keep the dog in our house all the time, and he doesn’t bark too much or growl at anyone. The only ones he bark at are the kids from our block that deliberately knock on our door just to bother the dog. In short, we went out of our way to make sure the dog did not intrude on anyone. Though pets aren’t allowed in apartments, it isnt uncommon. I know of another house a few blocks away that keeps a dog too. Across the main road, where the population is more Chinese, there are many dogs kept in flats too.
The officer told us that one of the neighbours lodged a complain to his doctor, saying that the dog was effecting his health! The nerve of it all. We don’t even bring the dog out! But my family and I couldn’t help but feel that the real, underlying reasons was something unsaid. It was that our neighbours were mostly Malays, and being Muslims, they see dogs as dirty and unclean., hence the discomfort with having a dog around. Claims of noise disturbance were invalid since our dog rarely barks, only to the children of this very people who cant leave the dog in peace. We don’t bring the dog out, so there’s no dog poo or urine for them to contempt with, so what’s the problem? Simply that these people don’t want a dog around no matter what. The part that really gets me so angry is that in front of us, they put on an angel face. “He’s a cute dog! WE don’t mind, its THEM downstairs that keeps complaining.” They say. And they ALL say the same of each other. Better the devil I know than the one I don’t I say. When our downstairs neighbour illegally sets up an eatery, doing business till late night, creating all sorts of noise, everyone closes an eye, when another neighbour sets up his own little workshop to make rattan furniture, having power drills, hammering and the sort all morning, everyone closes and eye. But not in this case. They all remain angel faced and the minute you turn you back, they are saying all sorts of things about you. I will refrain from saying too much about my neighbours, only to say that they are all a bunch of smiling hypocrites who don’t have the guts to tell things as they are, and are too cowardly to admit what they did (in the case of reporting to the authorities). The next thing I am expecting is fake expressions of surprise and sadness from these people when they can no longer resist and start asking where has the dog been.
As of now, we are faced with the problem of where to put my dog. We talked about it and decided that its best if we could find the home for Doby where he is welcomed and well taken care of. It makes us so sad, even thinking of giving him away. I have returned home every single day for the past too years to the sight of this dog excitedly greeting me and licking my face the moment I come into the house. I am so used to having him at my feet when I’m sitting, and so used to having his as company even when there is no one at home. He’s not just a dog, he’s a member of our household. But ultimately, I think we need to find someone who can give him the care that he deserves. Our fear is that we wont be able to and we’ll be forced to send him away to some animal shelter where eventually he’ll be put to sleep.
Apart from the dog, the next other person taking up a lot of attention is of course my mother. For reasons only known to her, she went around the neighbourhood asking for a job. I guess she too felt the strain of not having money at home. She did eventually get an offer from the nearby laundry cleaner. The problem was, this laundry guy was new at it, and his last staff just left. That meant that my mother was working every single day from 9am to 9pm. I told her that that’s beyond human and her health my fail her. Despite what I said, she wanted the job anyway, saying she’s more than willing to work and it beats lying in the house the whole day. For a while there, it seemed that things were kind of ok. She came of tired, but satisfied none the less, but things started to go wrong after about a week. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know the details, but it turn out that on of the customers were giving her a hard time, insisting on a discount and arguing about the weight of the laundry. The man gave his dirty cloths in a plastic basket, and my mother just weighted the whole thing. The man insisted that the weight of the basket should be deduced from the total weight, but my mother refused and soon, there was some big argument. The customer said she talked too much and was talking a lot of nonsense. I understand what the person meant when my mother was relating it to me. Because of her illness, she has difficulty sticking on the same subject, and if you let her lead the conversation, she wont jump from one thing to anther instantly. After that quarrel, she rang the boss straight away and told him she didn’t want to work anymore. But by the end of the day she was feeling better and agreed to continue on after the boss pleaded with her. But on a Sunday (last week) she said she was feeling ill. So I called her boss for her and told him she would be taking the day off. But as it turned out, she wasn’t ill at all, at least not to the extent that she thought of. She called the boss and told him she wont be working on that day but still wanted to be paid, and on top of that she wanted him to pay for her medical fees.
To make a long story short, 2 days later, she didn’t want to work anymore, and after collecting her pay form the boss, she stopped coming to work. She said she was busy with her usual excuses, doing her 25 year old bible study course material etc. Other than that, she’s pretty much the same. My friend told me I should try treating my mother better. He said since she was ill, she cant really be held responsible for her action and words. I try explaining to him that its not so easy, but I know he’s got a good point there. Despite all that she has done I don’t really have an excuse to treat her badly. Not to say I haven’t been trying though. When she came home from her last runaway, I refused outright to even speak to her. But I guess I have a soft heart, and eventually, I was buying dinner for her again and talking to her. But I didn’t want to get too close to her. Whatever her illness, she has said some very very hurtful things to me, intentionally at times, and I cant just close and eye. Talk of being a slave to my girlfriend, of spending all my money on her really hit me at the spot. I know I do get very defensive when she brings up matters about my girlfriend. To her and my brother, I’m on her side; I go to great lengths to defend and excuse her. But to me, it is not without reason. I defend her because I know she is good at heart, because I know that she is misunderstood, and because I know, if I don’t stand up for her, no one will.
I try to break down the walls that separate my family and my girlfriend. The simple fact that they don’t get along gives me one of the biggest headache to date. I get it on both ends, both ends accusing me of not having their interest at heart, and being overwhelmingly biased. But I guess it’s the price you pay for it all. I don’t know if they will ever make amends but I have insisted to both parties that it is not up to me to make them better. They must at their own willingness, come together in something they have in common; me.
When I come to think of it, I actually have not seen my father in almost 2 months now. Since he moved out, he has become more and more distant. The calls get lesser and lesser (due to me not having enough money to even call out). He keeps on calling me, asking why have I not called him, why have I not kept in touch with my old man. I don’t really know what to say to him. Unlike some of my friends, I don’t have the urge nor the need to call my parents every once in a while to chat. To me, he is my father, and though when we meet, we can talk just fine, I don’t report to him what I’m doing. And as far as I am concerned, HE choose to return to his wife, leaving us alone. That’s fine with me since he has a marriage to save, but you cant deliberately choose to leave and still expect to be kept in the circle. IF you want to be there, to share and to be a part of a persons life, then BE THERE, not demand that you be kept in the loop. On the financial front, he has also not provided much, though I know its not because of the lack of trying. Despite his best efforts, my father has been unable to make any sort of significant income. In fact, I remember him telling me he didn’t make a single sen in the month of August. Needless to say, I have not received any money form him for a longer time. That’s why I took on this new job as a temporary office assistant the minute I finished my exams.
My friends and I were planning to take a CNC machining course together over the holidays. It cost a lowly RM200 (compare to the usual price ofRM1800 for non-students) but I backed out at the last minute without offering any explanation, though I suspect my closer friends all knew my reason. I needed to earn RM200, not spend it no matter how eager I was. What can I say, its no fun having no money.
And if may digress a bit, I was just thinking the other day. May girls my age are actually dating guys at least 5 years older than them. To the unacquainted, the married of local pop princess Siti Nurhaliza to a middle aged business man sparked of a debate that even went all the way to Parliament. Yup, even our MPs were saying how the young men of today seem to stand to chance against their older, richer and more established counterparts. Personally, I feel it too whenever my girlfriend talks about how her friends boyfriends come to pick them up in their car, shower them with expensive gifts, bring them to expensive places to eat, and aren’t afraid of getting married within the next 2 years! I CANT do all that things for my girlfriend, and in this respect, as a young woman wanting to be pampered, I know she begrudges it, though not openly to me. How can you expect a 21year old guy to be already rich and established with cash and car to boot? Is it my fault my dad isn’t Warren Buffet or Tan Sri Francis Yeoh? To be fair to these older guys, neither is their dad. The advantage THEY have over me is simply time. The are working, and they are seasoned, therefore the are ahead. Our capabilities are different because we are at different stages in life, and while a women have the right to expect being pampered and treated well no matter what her age, lets be reasonable here ok. We all know of younger women stealing the husbands of older women. Its almost as if a womans ‘market value’ (for want of a better word) is highest at her early adult life. It’s the opposite for men, the older you are, the more attractive you are to the female species. Sometimes it’s the grey hair, sometimes it’s the maturity, sometimes its just old fashion cash. No matter what the reason, you cant deny that older men have an advantage over us newbies just starting out. Though I AM dating a girl my own age, I still feel the inadequacies of NOT being older than her. Things would have been a little different I know, but its pointless to ponder.
So, I think that’s long enough for now… Hehe, thanks for ready til the bottom!
1 week 'vacation'
Just so you know, i wont be posting much from now till the end of next week since im having exams.. so i got to study. ill be back again once my little nightmare is over, hopefully with some worthwhile news to give or at least something worthy to say!
Meanwhile, take care and God bless you.
Goodbye Croc Hunter
Just in case you are the last person on the person not to know yet, Steve Irwin, the famous and ever enthusiastic wildlife conservationist died on Monday (4th October) after being pierced in the heart by a sting ray. I’m sure you know very well all the details by now, so I won’t dive (forgive the pun) into it. I was really shocked at the news, almost to the point of not wanting to believe it. After all, this was the guy that dodged crocodiles, snakes and other deadly creatures for a living hence the name ‘crocodile hunter’. But how cruel fate can be some times, when he was killed by a peaceful and rarely harmless stingray.
I was rather annoyed actually, since I sort of exclaimed out “Steve Irwin died! I can’t believe it!” and a friend beside me just looked at me and asked “Who is that?” Who is that? I didn’t even know where to begin. This is the guy that plays with crocs. This is the guy that seems to love almost every single creature on Earth. The guy with an enthusiasm for animals so contagious it would make you want to kiss a toad and say “Crikey, you’re gorgeous!....” well, almost…..
But seriously, I was really sad to hear it, and my some of the people I told were equally shocked. He was just such a cheerful and passionate character to watch, almost larger than life in a way. You’d never think he would die in such a dramatic manner at such an early age. My first thoughts went out to his family, his wife, children and even that black dog Sue; to think that they would never get to see him again and call him daddy. Would his 3 year old son remember him? Will his wife Teri stay in Australia or return to the US? None of my business really, but I couldn’t help but wonder how they were going to cope. My sadness wasn’t so much for the death of an environmentalist, but for the death of a father, a husband, a son and a friend.
The fact that he died so young and still in his prime seem so cruel, not unlike the death of Princess Diana. The only consolation was this; he died as he had live and he died doing what he loved most, around the wildlife that shaped his life and ultimately his death. And that was something that stayed with me for a while. I started to ask myself, if I died as suddenly as he did, could I say the same for myself? No. Its strange how death seems to always remind us of life. And though we know death is part of life, you need to put it side my side to really appreciate the significance of it. For the next 2 days, I thought a lot about it. I’m not sure how this will sound, but learning the death of someone else made me really appreciate the fact that I was still alive. I guess the greatest fear I can think of in dying is not death itself, but the thought of not being able to say your final goodbye to those who were so significant in defining your life; to say “Thank you for making my life worth living. I love you very much. Good bye.”
It also dawned on me this; Life is indeed short, death does not wait, and it does not discriminate. We don’t get to wait until our life is properly in order and everything is ok before we start living or start enjoying our life. This is it, right here, right now. It forced me to reevaluate how I have been feeling these pass few months. I confided in a friend just a few days earlier how I seem to get more than my fair share of hardship. Though I still feel that way, I suddenly find myself less upset about it, and a little less angry at life itself. To say life is fair or unfair seems almost irrelevant to a certain extent. I may get so angry or sad at times, but nothing is going to change. I don’t deserve these problems in my life any more than Steve Irwin deserved to die like that, but it happened anyway, along with many countless tragedies.
Maybe I think too much; maybe I do too much reflecting. But I now try to tell myself to live life to the fullest and stop being so down about it all since you never know what may happened . It sounds like I’m repeating myself endlessly, I know. Steve Irwin died young, at the age of 44 leaving behind wife and children, but he spent his entire live doing what he loved, and to me, that is a life lived to the fullest. Not many people can claim the same thing, and with that in mind, I carry on.
