Forthnights

Dogs, mothers and men

Yay, so after what seemed like an eternity of studying and sitting for exams, im finally free to do what I want, at least for the moment. Though its holiday time for me, I still have my thesis to write, plus I took on a job as a temporary assistant in the college admin office. I wish I didn’t have to work, since have such a short holiday (3 weeks) but I need the money more than the freedom

Back in the frontline of the war (home), things have been happening. For starters, the 2 weeks ago, an officer from the local municipal council paid a visit to our house to check out on some complaint about us having a dog. As you know, we got Doby (that’s his name) about 2 years ago. I didn’t agree to it initially, but accepted the inevitable since the dog was already brought home. I took it upon myself to train that mutt, teaching it how to sit, lay down, stand, jump, go to the toilet, give its hand etc…. I’m proud to see today that he’s quite obedient (when he wants to) and perfectly toilet trained (though he cant flush!). He can be a real rascal sometimes, having on numerous occasions chow on my shoes and socks. But other than that, I love that dog to pieces. He’s such a charming fellow, volunteering all his tricks to you whenever you have something to eat, and snuggling up to you when you are sitting down, licking your face when he wants to play.

Anyway, this officer gave us one week to evict the dog or face action against us and the dog. Since we lived in a flat, pets weren’t allowed. So, my brother took the dog with him to his place (which is a condominium that doesn’t allow dogs too). We don’t really know how long Doby can stay there before someone discovers that my brother is keeping a dog. I was really sore with the whole issue, since firstly, we have been having the dog for almost 2 years now and there have been no problems. We rarely if even ever bring the dog out for walks, since we were very rudely told off the last time. We keep the dog in our house all the time, and he doesn’t bark too much or growl at anyone. The only ones he bark at are the kids from our block that deliberately knock on our door just to bother the dog. In short, we went out of our way to make sure the dog did not intrude on anyone. Though pets aren’t allowed in apartments, it isnt uncommon. I know of another house a few blocks away that keeps a dog too. Across the main road, where the population is more Chinese, there are many dogs kept in flats too.

The officer told us that one of the neighbours lodged a complain to his doctor, saying that the dog was effecting his health! The nerve of it all. We don’t even bring the dog out! But my family and I couldn’t help but feel that the real, underlying reasons was something unsaid. It was that our neighbours were mostly Malays, and being Muslims, they see dogs as dirty and unclean., hence the discomfort with having a dog around. Claims of noise disturbance were invalid since our dog rarely barks, only to the children of this very people who cant leave the dog in peace. We don’t bring the dog out, so there’s no dog poo or urine for them to contempt with, so what’s the problem? Simply that these people don’t want a dog around no matter what. The part that really gets me so angry is that in front of us, they put on an angel face. “He’s a cute dog! WE don’t mind, its THEM downstairs that keeps complaining.” They say. And they ALL say the same of each other. Better the devil I know than the one I don’t I say. When our downstairs neighbour illegally sets up an eatery, doing business till late night, creating all sorts of noise, everyone closes an eye, when another neighbour sets up his own little workshop to make rattan furniture, having power drills, hammering and the sort all morning, everyone closes and eye. But not in this case. They all remain angel faced and the minute you turn you back, they are saying all sorts of things about you. I will refrain from saying too much about my neighbours, only to say that they are all a bunch of smiling hypocrites who don’t have the guts to tell things as they are, and are too cowardly to admit what they did (in the case of reporting to the authorities). The next thing I am expecting is fake expressions of surprise and sadness from these people when they can no longer resist and start asking where has the dog been.

As of now, we are faced with the problem of where to put my dog. We talked about it and decided that its best if we could find the home for Doby where he is welcomed and well taken care of. It makes us so sad, even thinking of giving him away. I have returned home every single day for the past too years to the sight of this dog excitedly greeting me and licking my face the moment I come into the house. I am so used to having him at my feet when I’m sitting, and so used to having his as company even when there is no one at home. He’s not just a dog, he’s a member of our household. But ultimately, I think we need to find someone who can give him the care that he deserves. Our fear is that we wont be able to and we’ll be forced to send him away to some animal shelter where eventually he’ll be put to sleep.

Apart from the dog, the next other person taking up a lot of attention is of course my mother. For reasons only known to her, she went around the neighbourhood asking for a job. I guess she too felt the strain of not having money at home. She did eventually get an offer from the nearby laundry cleaner. The problem was, this laundry guy was new at it, and his last staff just left. That meant that my mother was working every single day from 9am to 9pm. I told her that that’s beyond human and her health my fail her. Despite what I said, she wanted the job anyway, saying she’s more than willing to work and it beats lying in the house the whole day. For a while there, it seemed that things were kind of ok. She came of tired, but satisfied none the less, but things started to go wrong after about a week. I wasn’t there, so I don’t know the details, but it turn out that on of the customers were giving her a hard time, insisting on a discount and arguing about the weight of the laundry. The man gave his dirty cloths in a plastic basket, and my mother just weighted the whole thing. The man insisted that the weight of the basket should be deduced from the total weight, but my mother refused and soon, there was some big argument. The customer said she talked too much and was talking a lot of nonsense. I understand what the person meant when my mother was relating it to me. Because of her illness, she has difficulty sticking on the same subject, and if you let her lead the conversation, she wont jump from one thing to anther instantly. After that quarrel, she rang the boss straight away and told him she didn’t want to work anymore. But by the end of the day she was feeling better and agreed to continue on after the boss pleaded with her. But on a Sunday (last week) she said she was feeling ill. So I called her boss for her and told him she would be taking the day off. But as it turned out, she wasn’t ill at all, at least not to the extent that she thought of. She called the boss and told him she wont be working on that day but still wanted to be paid, and on top of that she wanted him to pay for her medical fees.

To make a long story short, 2 days later, she didn’t want to work anymore, and after collecting her pay form the boss, she stopped coming to work. She said she was busy with her usual excuses, doing her 25 year old bible study course material etc. Other than that, she’s pretty much the same. My friend told me I should try treating my mother better. He said since she was ill, she cant really be held responsible for her action and words. I try explaining to him that its not so easy, but I know he’s got a good point there. Despite all that she has done I don’t really have an excuse to treat her badly. Not to say I haven’t been trying though. When she came home from her last runaway, I refused outright to even speak to her. But I guess I have a soft heart, and eventually, I was buying dinner for her again and talking to her. But I didn’t want to get too close to her. Whatever her illness, she has said some very very hurtful things to me, intentionally at times, and I cant just close and eye. Talk of being a slave to my girlfriend, of spending all my money on her really hit me at the spot. I know I do get very defensive when she brings up matters about my girlfriend. To her and my brother, I’m on her side; I go to great lengths to defend and excuse her. But to me, it is not without reason. I defend her because I know she is good at heart, because I know that she is misunderstood, and because I know, if I don’t stand up for her, no one will.

I try to break down the walls that separate my family and my girlfriend. The simple fact that they don’t get along gives me one of the biggest headache to date. I get it on both ends, both ends accusing me of not having their interest at heart, and being overwhelmingly biased. But I guess it’s the price you pay for it all. I don’t know if they will ever make amends but I have insisted to both parties that it is not up to me to make them better. They must at their own willingness, come together in something they have in common; me.

When I come to think of it, I actually have not seen my father in almost 2 months now. Since he moved out, he has become more and more distant. The calls get lesser and lesser (due to me not having enough money to even call out). He keeps on calling me, asking why have I not called him, why have I not kept in touch with my old man. I don’t really know what to say to him. Unlike some of my friends, I don’t have the urge nor the need to call my parents every once in a while to chat. To me, he is my father, and though when we meet, we can talk just fine, I don’t report to him what I’m doing. And as far as I am concerned, HE choose to return to his wife, leaving us alone. That’s fine with me since he has a marriage to save, but you cant deliberately choose to leave and still expect to be kept in the circle. IF you want to be there, to share and to be a part of a persons life, then BE THERE, not demand that you be kept in the loop. On the financial front, he has also not provided much, though I know its not because of the lack of trying. Despite his best efforts, my father has been unable to make any sort of significant income. In fact, I remember him telling me he didn’t make a single sen in the month of August. Needless to say, I have not received any money form him for a longer time. That’s why I took on this new job as a temporary office assistant the minute I finished my exams.

My friends and I were planning to take a CNC machining course together over the holidays. It cost a lowly RM200 (compare to the usual price ofRM1800 for non-students) but I backed out at the last minute without offering any explanation, though I suspect my closer friends all knew my reason. I needed to earn RM200, not spend it no matter how eager I was. What can I say, its no fun having no money.

And if may digress a bit, I was just thinking the other day. May girls my age are actually dating guys at least 5 years older than them. To the unacquainted, the married of local pop princess Siti Nurhaliza to a middle aged business man sparked of a debate that even went all the way to Parliament. Yup, even our MPs were saying how the young men of today seem to stand to chance against their older, richer and more established counterparts. Personally, I feel it too whenever my girlfriend talks about how her friends boyfriends come to pick them up in their car, shower them with expensive gifts, bring them to expensive places to eat, and aren’t afraid of getting married within the next 2 years! I CANT do all that things for my girlfriend, and in this respect, as a young woman wanting to be pampered, I know she begrudges it, though not openly to me. How can you expect a 21year old guy to be already rich and established with cash and car to boot? Is it my fault my dad isn’t Warren Buffet or Tan Sri Francis Yeoh? To be fair to these older guys, neither is their dad. The advantage THEY have over me is simply time. The are working, and they are seasoned, therefore the are ahead. Our capabilities are different because we are at different stages in life, and while a women have the right to expect being pampered and treated well no matter what her age, lets be reasonable here ok. We all know of younger women stealing the husbands of older women. Its almost as if a womans ‘market value’ (for want of a better word) is highest at her early adult life. It’s the opposite for men, the older you are, the more attractive you are to the female species. Sometimes it’s the grey hair, sometimes it’s the maturity, sometimes its just old fashion cash. No matter what the reason, you cant deny that older men have an advantage over us newbies just starting out. Though I AM dating a girl my own age, I still feel the inadequacies of NOT being older than her. Things would have been a little different I know, but its pointless to ponder.

So, I think that’s long enough for now… Hehe, thanks for ready til the bottom!

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 4:43 pm Comments: 0