More grumbling
Aaaaaargh... .life is just so frustrating sometimes... actually alot of times....For everyone to know, the 31st of August is Malaysian Independance day.. we are now 49 years old as a country..... ANd on the 30th of August was my girlfriends birthday. Its bad enough being broke, but not having money to even buy a simple present is really horrible. During my birthday last month, my girlfriend throwed a small birthday bash for me, but when her turn came, sad to say, i couldnt do anything, since my pockets were empty. As consolation, apart from the 'romantic' letter you see on the previous post, i attempted to write her a little poem. Afterall, words are free! (CHeapskate!) But i was kind of embarrased to give her to poem that i printed out (since my writing is horrible), coz of the obvious lack of depth or artistic flair int the poem. The more i read it, the more corny it sounded to me..... .But i gave it to her none the less.....
Well.. sbe was happy to receive it anyway, but it wasnt long before we were just fighting again. SOmething we have been doing alot lately. Despite my best efforts, we just keep on stepping on each others toes. And most arguements evolve around my family..... She just refuses to interact with my mother or my brother. When my mother cooked dinner and offered her and i some,she refused to eat, saying the food looks horrible. i insisted that i want to eat at home (to save money) and she just got angry. Earlier, before my mother offered, she and i agreed to go out for dinner. I told her i would just accompany her, and we were silent for the rest of the day, her weay of showing her temper and trying to control it at the same time. When we got to the eating place, she said that she will not eat unless i ate.... I got angry and said "Fine, ill order something." And from then on till i sent her back, we didnt say a word. I wasnt happy. since 1, by refusing to eat my mothers cooking, she was being rude and disrespectful,and 2, eating out cost more.
But i know she doenst consider these things. She has always been very stubborn, showing her temper whenever she was upset. To her, whatever she does or say when she is angry is justifiable since i got her mad at the time. Its almost like its my fault.. When she gets angry, its my duty to go and console her and get her to cool down. When i get angry, im being short tempered and unreasonable. And its up to me to calm myself down. I cant stand the obvious double standard. And when i just refuse to go console her and let her be, she turns around and says that i dont know how to treat a woman... Aaaarrgghh...
As you can see, im just plain frustrated. I really should be studying now, since exams are next week, but i just reallly need to vent it all out. She even says that in the future, she doenst want my mother to stay with us.
Sometimes, i just cant help but feel dissapointed in her. After all this time, she too doesnt not see my family as her own. She said that my family dont treat her like one of them, but neither does she. It hurts when she chooses to draw lines like that. To her, the relationship is between the 2 of us, and she doesnt want to put up with my mother. To be fair to her, my family hasnt been to accepting of her either. it saddens me to see her treat other elderly patients in the hospital so well (shes a student nurse) but fail to show the same kind of compassion or patience with my mother. I have tried telling her that if she is serious about being with me, my mother is in a way, her mother too... I mean, i tutor her brother and talk to her brother how i talk to my own brother. I only hoped she does the same. I try telling the same thing to my mother, but she wont take it either.
I guess you can take the horse to the river, but you cant make it drink. Right now, i know my family are a little hostile towards her. My mother really topped it off when she labeled me a slave for my girlfriend, sending her everywhere and doing everything for her. She too is showing a sort of 'passive' aggresion by not wanting to talk to them or taking their things.
im at a lost how to many them anymore. I read somewhere... An old Chinese proverb that said a peaceful and harmonious home can be happy, even if there is not enough money to go around. When i read that i was like "Well, thats just great. No money, no peaece, no harmony." Its little wonder im so unhappy.
A breakthoough.... Thats what i need. To break free from this whole rotten trap im in.
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 10:30 pm
Comments: 0
