How do you mend a broken heart?
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.
- Mahatma Ghandi
What would you do if you found out that your partner is cheating on you?
I have a friend who’s facing that right now. To make it all make sense, we go back to early February last year when he was still very much a single guy. There was this pretty girl that occasionally attends the same class as us in college. She stood out because firstly, there was only a small handful of girls in our engineering course, and secondly, she was the prettiest of them all. Anyway, my friend got to know her, and just at the right moment too. It turned out she was having problems with her current boyfriend, and started confiding in my friend. We didn’t know what was going on until we heard rumours that my friend was seeing some girl. Of course, he eventually came clean with us and told us when we saw him ourselves, having supper with her alone. It happened rather suddenly really, one week they were just friends, next week they were love birds.
But things didn’t go off to a good start for them. You see, despite her sweet looks and big hazel eyes, this girl has a rather nasty reputation. There were rumours flying left right and center about how this girl is not as good as she seems. Talk about how she is a ‘player’ and a gold digger. Worst among this was the fact that she broke up with her boyfriend AFTER she coupled with my friend. And that boyfriend came by her house trying to talk to her, she refused, and he hit his face into the wall (a bit dramatic ya?) Also about how the boyfriend immediately demanded for his money back from her. Needless to say, many people didn’t approve of this girl. Others (mostly women) including my girlfriend and a friends parent just said they didn’t like her. Mind you, these people didn’t hear any of the rumours. There was just something about this girl that people didn’t like. Call it your gut instinct or women’s intuition. Me being bias refused to believe any of it, after all, you shouldnt simply believe rumours, plus this was my friends first time, so I though, hey, give him a break.
So they got together despite the protest from his friends around him, and in doing so he alienated his friends. Since his friends disapproved of her, and she didn’t like them either, my friend became increasingly consumed in his time and though to her. It came to a point where we asked him out to give him a heart-to-heart or man-to-man (what have you) about the entire matter. He was neglecting his studies, and ever absent in our group assignments. I told him straight to the face “If you are not mature enough to handle a girlfriend, you should break it off.” He was apologetic about the whole matter and said he would try to improve in the future, but it all cam to nothing. He became more and more distant to us, and we eventually gave up, stopped trying to tell him how to run his like. Occasionally, when we did meet, I gave him whatever little advice I learnt from my own relationship. The girl was skipping classes, and she had no friends of her own either. She gave lame excuses such as being sick or tired, and my friend was too lacking a backbone make her do the right thing. The accumulation of that problem was she being barred form the semester examinations, and when she was called for the bar interview, she and my friend forged a fake mc to cover for her absent days. Of course, this was discovered and she was barred from all exams. She was to ashamed to come to school again and just refused to go to college anymore. She stayed at home for the rest of the semester.
I won’t go into too much of her background details only that her father left when she was young. To earn extra income, she worked as a promoter girl, promoting all sorts of things such as hand phones, electronic goods and such. Now, as many of you know, these promoter girls are required to wear skimpy spaghetti straps and shorts shirts. But you are paid a whopping RM150 for just a half days work. The money is fantastic no doubt, but not many boyfriends and certainly no fathers would ever approve of their baby girl doing such jobs. Its fine when its other girls, but not your own. But my friend was too kind and understanding (or spineless if you ask me) to ask her to stop. The money is good he said, and she needs it.
So that was how it was for pretty much a year. She worked on weekends and he would send her around in his newly bought car. Many of us suspect that she played no small part in him suddenly wanting a car from his father. Anyway, we didn’t socialize as a group much with him anymore, since asking him was effectively asking her along, and many of us didn’t welcome that. She just had a way of alienating people. I knew there were problems between them from the first time I chatted with them. She was talking about how stupid (yes, that was the word she used) he was. “He’s so naïve and knows so little things.” She told me. I tried to back my friend up saying that yes, he was a little lacking in general knowledge and a bit green when it comes to society, but he’s really a good hearted guy who loves you a lot. She just shrugged me off and said “I cant accept my boyfriend like that.” I was baffled since she just said it in front of him and me, and if she couldn’t accept it, why did she say yes to him at the first place?
Anyway, that left me without a doubt that this girl was a handful to my friend if he didn’t quickly learn how to handle or ‘tame’ her. Second incident was when they came for our annual caroling in the hospital. This was kind of a high priority for me, and the fact that he came an hour late on numerous occasions during practice really got me furious. I knew he would bring her along on the day, so I told her and him months again to learn all the Christmas songs so that on the day, she could sing along too. But come the day, not only did she not know how to sing any of the songs (how hard can it be for goodness sake!), she refused to put on a smile since just hours earlier she had a fight with my friend. That really crossed the line for me, and I made a mental note not to invite her along ever again to anything.
Fast forward to the present, she had moved on from promoting cell phones to cigarettes. Now, that was really something serious and what’s more, in all sorts of back watered towns. That is a definite no no in my books, but again my friend was ‘kind’ enough to allow it. Suddenly it happened. Her attitude towards him suddenly changed. She started going out with this cigarette girls and their supervisor, a guy a lot. Going up to Genting to gamble, going late night supper, clubbing etc and not wanting to get my friend involved. She started messaging this older, richer guy a lot and started to be very sweet to him and more and more distant to my friend. My friend then saw one of her messages where he refered to her as ‘darling’ and he confronted her. She said it was just playful banter and he let it go. Then he saw another message a week later with the words ‘I love you.’ I don’t know about him, but that definitely qualifies as cheating. He confronted her again and she just told him not to bother about her and he should concentrate on his exams. He asked her how long they were at it and she told him one week. Over dinner just before the exams, he finally revealed to us what was happening. He expressed his surprise as to just how fast her attitude towards him has changed. But none of us at the table was surprised. A few of my friends even made a secret bet as to how long they would last. I felt sorry for him, because like me, he has pour all his heart into that relationship, sincerely believing that this girl was Gods blessing to him. “I really prayed and thanked God for sending her to me.” He told me. The pain he felt now was almost equivalent to loosing his mother to breast cancer 3 years ago. Quietly, I found that hard to swallow. This girl does not deserve such a high standing, and to associate her with his late mother was an insult to her memory to me. We all gave him our 2 cents worth of advice, and it was that she never loved him as much as he loved her. She has shown little commitment and tolerance, she even challenged his contribution towards her, all within a week of meeting this one special guy. Its almost déjà vu, since a friend of mine had this to say at the start of their relationship “That girl is easy to get, all you need is money and charm, and you can lure her away from any guy.” I guess that prophecy has been fulfilled. In the end we told him, get rid of her before she gets rid of you, and even if you did it right now, it isn’t soon enough.
We parted that day and I seriously though he knew what to do next. But to my great and utter surprise, I received news that they decided to just be friends, but they were still living together. What’s more, he was still going to send her to her hometown during the weekend! I got furious. How stupid can you be? How blind can love make you? Do you think you little sacrifice will go appreciated?
I do believe that 2 people can be friends after they break up, but it HAS to be after a clean break, and only after the wounds on both sides are healed. He should be furious at her cheating on him, instead he asks her what he has done wrong to her. I pity him. I know that he deeply loves the girls, that’s why he is more than willing to forgive her if only she would ask for it. But I pointed out to him that she has not apologized and doesn’t even seem the least bit apologetic about the matter. Is that a girl worth loving? No my friend, you have lost her, long before any of this happened. In fact, I doubt if you had her in the first place. I highly doubt she gave you her body in this 1 year, but is seems obvious to a point that she never gave you her heart or her mind.
The fact that he still is willing to do things for her, send her around is silly. Under the pretense of friendship, he remains by her side. But this girl has shown herself to be manipulative, cunning and heartless. She continues to use him for her own benefit, dangling the carrot of a hope of reconciliation. You are no match for her my friend.
You are a kind soul, innocent and without deceit. You are a fool perhaps, but only a fool of love. She knows your heart, and she will use you, like she has for the past years. You have been nothing but a filler until something better comes along, and that something has arrived. It’s the sad and bitter truth. Being in a relationship myself, I understand how you feel. The sacrifices you make, the lines you draw, the friendships you severe in the name of love have all brought to naught. You struggle to come to terms with all that has happened and the pace that it has happen. You are desperate to make things better again to how it used to be, accepting whatever offer she gives you, even if it is just crumbs of friendship. You must not be used and played by her. She may come back to you, but only if it doesn’t work out with the other guy. Are you willing to be second fiddle? Are you willing to continue waiting by her side to return to you when it was she who wronged you in the first place? You have played your cards poorly, and despite the odds, she has the upper hand. Do you not see? She has played you like a fiddle. Give yourself time and search your soul. Is this a woman worth loving? She is your first love, but she is not your last.
Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman. But lucky is the woman who is the last love of a man.
She does not deserve it my friend, and you deserved better. Give yourself time and do what you know is right. You may forgive her for what she has done to you because you love her. But it doesn’t change anything, and you and her may not be destined to be together again despite your eagerness to forgive. You have to accept that things have changed, and the woman you love has been lost to you. Maybe you should pray to God and ask this of him
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
- Mahatma Ghandi
What would you do if you found out that your partner is cheating on you?
I have a friend who’s facing that right now. To make it all make sense, we go back to early February last year when he was still very much a single guy. There was this pretty girl that occasionally attends the same class as us in college. She stood out because firstly, there was only a small handful of girls in our engineering course, and secondly, she was the prettiest of them all. Anyway, my friend got to know her, and just at the right moment too. It turned out she was having problems with her current boyfriend, and started confiding in my friend. We didn’t know what was going on until we heard rumours that my friend was seeing some girl. Of course, he eventually came clean with us and told us when we saw him ourselves, having supper with her alone. It happened rather suddenly really, one week they were just friends, next week they were love birds.
But things didn’t go off to a good start for them. You see, despite her sweet looks and big hazel eyes, this girl has a rather nasty reputation. There were rumours flying left right and center about how this girl is not as good as she seems. Talk about how she is a ‘player’ and a gold digger. Worst among this was the fact that she broke up with her boyfriend AFTER she coupled with my friend. And that boyfriend came by her house trying to talk to her, she refused, and he hit his face into the wall (a bit dramatic ya?) Also about how the boyfriend immediately demanded for his money back from her. Needless to say, many people didn’t approve of this girl. Others (mostly women) including my girlfriend and a friends parent just said they didn’t like her. Mind you, these people didn’t hear any of the rumours. There was just something about this girl that people didn’t like. Call it your gut instinct or women’s intuition. Me being bias refused to believe any of it, after all, you shouldnt simply believe rumours, plus this was my friends first time, so I though, hey, give him a break.
So they got together despite the protest from his friends around him, and in doing so he alienated his friends. Since his friends disapproved of her, and she didn’t like them either, my friend became increasingly consumed in his time and though to her. It came to a point where we asked him out to give him a heart-to-heart or man-to-man (what have you) about the entire matter. He was neglecting his studies, and ever absent in our group assignments. I told him straight to the face “If you are not mature enough to handle a girlfriend, you should break it off.” He was apologetic about the whole matter and said he would try to improve in the future, but it all cam to nothing. He became more and more distant to us, and we eventually gave up, stopped trying to tell him how to run his like. Occasionally, when we did meet, I gave him whatever little advice I learnt from my own relationship. The girl was skipping classes, and she had no friends of her own either. She gave lame excuses such as being sick or tired, and my friend was too lacking a backbone make her do the right thing. The accumulation of that problem was she being barred form the semester examinations, and when she was called for the bar interview, she and my friend forged a fake mc to cover for her absent days. Of course, this was discovered and she was barred from all exams. She was to ashamed to come to school again and just refused to go to college anymore. She stayed at home for the rest of the semester.
I won’t go into too much of her background details only that her father left when she was young. To earn extra income, she worked as a promoter girl, promoting all sorts of things such as hand phones, electronic goods and such. Now, as many of you know, these promoter girls are required to wear skimpy spaghetti straps and shorts shirts. But you are paid a whopping RM150 for just a half days work. The money is fantastic no doubt, but not many boyfriends and certainly no fathers would ever approve of their baby girl doing such jobs. Its fine when its other girls, but not your own. But my friend was too kind and understanding (or spineless if you ask me) to ask her to stop. The money is good he said, and she needs it.
So that was how it was for pretty much a year. She worked on weekends and he would send her around in his newly bought car. Many of us suspect that she played no small part in him suddenly wanting a car from his father. Anyway, we didn’t socialize as a group much with him anymore, since asking him was effectively asking her along, and many of us didn’t welcome that. She just had a way of alienating people. I knew there were problems between them from the first time I chatted with them. She was talking about how stupid (yes, that was the word she used) he was. “He’s so naïve and knows so little things.” She told me. I tried to back my friend up saying that yes, he was a little lacking in general knowledge and a bit green when it comes to society, but he’s really a good hearted guy who loves you a lot. She just shrugged me off and said “I cant accept my boyfriend like that.” I was baffled since she just said it in front of him and me, and if she couldn’t accept it, why did she say yes to him at the first place?
Anyway, that left me without a doubt that this girl was a handful to my friend if he didn’t quickly learn how to handle or ‘tame’ her. Second incident was when they came for our annual caroling in the hospital. This was kind of a high priority for me, and the fact that he came an hour late on numerous occasions during practice really got me furious. I knew he would bring her along on the day, so I told her and him months again to learn all the Christmas songs so that on the day, she could sing along too. But come the day, not only did she not know how to sing any of the songs (how hard can it be for goodness sake!), she refused to put on a smile since just hours earlier she had a fight with my friend. That really crossed the line for me, and I made a mental note not to invite her along ever again to anything.
Fast forward to the present, she had moved on from promoting cell phones to cigarettes. Now, that was really something serious and what’s more, in all sorts of back watered towns. That is a definite no no in my books, but again my friend was ‘kind’ enough to allow it. Suddenly it happened. Her attitude towards him suddenly changed. She started going out with this cigarette girls and their supervisor, a guy a lot. Going up to Genting to gamble, going late night supper, clubbing etc and not wanting to get my friend involved. She started messaging this older, richer guy a lot and started to be very sweet to him and more and more distant to my friend. My friend then saw one of her messages where he refered to her as ‘darling’ and he confronted her. She said it was just playful banter and he let it go. Then he saw another message a week later with the words ‘I love you.’ I don’t know about him, but that definitely qualifies as cheating. He confronted her again and she just told him not to bother about her and he should concentrate on his exams. He asked her how long they were at it and she told him one week. Over dinner just before the exams, he finally revealed to us what was happening. He expressed his surprise as to just how fast her attitude towards him has changed. But none of us at the table was surprised. A few of my friends even made a secret bet as to how long they would last. I felt sorry for him, because like me, he has pour all his heart into that relationship, sincerely believing that this girl was Gods blessing to him. “I really prayed and thanked God for sending her to me.” He told me. The pain he felt now was almost equivalent to loosing his mother to breast cancer 3 years ago. Quietly, I found that hard to swallow. This girl does not deserve such a high standing, and to associate her with his late mother was an insult to her memory to me. We all gave him our 2 cents worth of advice, and it was that she never loved him as much as he loved her. She has shown little commitment and tolerance, she even challenged his contribution towards her, all within a week of meeting this one special guy. Its almost déjà vu, since a friend of mine had this to say at the start of their relationship “That girl is easy to get, all you need is money and charm, and you can lure her away from any guy.” I guess that prophecy has been fulfilled. In the end we told him, get rid of her before she gets rid of you, and even if you did it right now, it isn’t soon enough.
We parted that day and I seriously though he knew what to do next. But to my great and utter surprise, I received news that they decided to just be friends, but they were still living together. What’s more, he was still going to send her to her hometown during the weekend! I got furious. How stupid can you be? How blind can love make you? Do you think you little sacrifice will go appreciated?
I do believe that 2 people can be friends after they break up, but it HAS to be after a clean break, and only after the wounds on both sides are healed. He should be furious at her cheating on him, instead he asks her what he has done wrong to her. I pity him. I know that he deeply loves the girls, that’s why he is more than willing to forgive her if only she would ask for it. But I pointed out to him that she has not apologized and doesn’t even seem the least bit apologetic about the matter. Is that a girl worth loving? No my friend, you have lost her, long before any of this happened. In fact, I doubt if you had her in the first place. I highly doubt she gave you her body in this 1 year, but is seems obvious to a point that she never gave you her heart or her mind.
The fact that he still is willing to do things for her, send her around is silly. Under the pretense of friendship, he remains by her side. But this girl has shown herself to be manipulative, cunning and heartless. She continues to use him for her own benefit, dangling the carrot of a hope of reconciliation. You are no match for her my friend.
You are a kind soul, innocent and without deceit. You are a fool perhaps, but only a fool of love. She knows your heart, and she will use you, like she has for the past years. You have been nothing but a filler until something better comes along, and that something has arrived. It’s the sad and bitter truth. Being in a relationship myself, I understand how you feel. The sacrifices you make, the lines you draw, the friendships you severe in the name of love have all brought to naught. You struggle to come to terms with all that has happened and the pace that it has happen. You are desperate to make things better again to how it used to be, accepting whatever offer she gives you, even if it is just crumbs of friendship. You must not be used and played by her. She may come back to you, but only if it doesn’t work out with the other guy. Are you willing to be second fiddle? Are you willing to continue waiting by her side to return to you when it was she who wronged you in the first place? You have played your cards poorly, and despite the odds, she has the upper hand. Do you not see? She has played you like a fiddle. Give yourself time and search your soul. Is this a woman worth loving? She is your first love, but she is not your last.
Lucky is the man who is the first love of a woman. But lucky is the woman who is the last love of a man.
She does not deserve it my friend, and you deserved better. Give yourself time and do what you know is right. You may forgive her for what she has done to you because you love her. But it doesn’t change anything, and you and her may not be destined to be together again despite your eagerness to forgive. You have to accept that things have changed, and the woman you love has been lost to you. Maybe you should pray to God and ask this of him
“God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.”
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 4:38 pm
Comments: 1
