Body beautiful ExLusive
Recently, I restarted going swimming after a long time. I remembered enjoying swimming as a kid and into my early teens. But then somehow, the pounds started to pile and I suddenly became 'pool shy'. Not that I used to be a thin fellow. Just that from a regular 'ok but kinda overweight' guy, I became I 'kinda ok but definitely overweight' guy, thus the long absence from the swimmin pool. Now that I have made the decision to go swimming again with my darling, I have told myself, the swimming pool is NOT a exclusive club for body beautiful people.
After about a month plus of going swimming, I'm glad to report that my darling and I are enjoying it to the max and don't really care if people stare or not. We are here to swim and that's what everyone else should be doing too! But when I swim in college, and there are a dozen of hormone controlled males looking at the all the 'leng lois' there and not taking the least bit effort to make what they are doing a little less obvious. I do admit, it's natural for guys to look at girls. Afterall, there's nothing wrong with appreciating something that is beautiful right? be it a beautiful girl or a beautiful BMW 6 series...
Despite the busy job of looking at the girls, I'm glad that at least everyone there didn't forget their purpose and still do a little swimming. I also feel a little better going swimming now, with the knowledge that there are other of us overweight people that visit the swimming pool and not shy away because of our imperfections. If fact, I it gives me more guts to walk out in my tiny swimming trunk and giant pot belly and not just jump into a hole somewhere. Surprisingly, some of these overweight people are very seasoned and skilled swimmers, even better than those body beautiful people!
In the end, I'm sure all are there to enjoy the water and have a good time swimming. So I guess I should not be too critical of those body beautiful people. But I am concerned, because my darling is terrified that I become too thin and that I would not want her anymore. Nonsense! But try telling her that. Maybe after every swim, I should go swallow a bar of butter, just to 'stay in shape'! =>
Love Makes The World Go Round!
It's strange how at one moment, you can be feeling on top of the world with the person you love most and the next you find yourself arguing and fighting like there is no tommorrow with the same person. I guess it has something to do with being in love. The feeling of love is so intense sometimes that every feeling and emotion seems to be amplified a hundred times and the world around you seems larger that life. So strong is the feeling that when you laugh, the joy is so real and so joyous, and when you cry it seems like the world has fallen apart, and when you are angry, the rage seems to be so crazy.
I find it hard to explain why we fight sometimes. Just a few minutes ago, you are just fine and suddenly, the mood changes, maybe it was me, maybe it was her, I don't know. But suddenly there is a war of words and from there it gets bigger and bigger and you don't want to walk together and subsequently, you can't even see each other anymore. I have a very short memory when it comes to these things and after a while a fail to see the point of continuing the fight. I soon forget how the fight even started and suddenly just want the fight to end. But once it has started, it is not so easily ended. But I know that eventually we will come to terms and make peace like we always do.
I have always tried to see fights as something natural and essential in any relationship. It is only natural that 2 people with very intense feelings for each other occasionally fight. But how do you know where to draw the line? How do you know if you are fighting a little too much? It will have to vary in every relationship. But being the only two people that know the relationship the best, you are in the exclusive position of judging it for yourself, which poses a problem. How do I know it I am seeing this in the right way? Sometimes after you fight, you feel horrible and at the worst, you consider that maybe you are not right for each other after all.
A lot of people seem to hold on to the concept of two people being meant for each other. That in life, you are supposed to go finding for the one person predestined to be your life partner, and if the one you are with now does not suit your taste, you just tell them "We are not meant for each other." and go on till you find The One. I for one totally reject this idea. It is based on the belief that everything is predestined. But I like to believe that I at least have
some control over how my life is going to be. My darling always asks me "Do you think we are right for each other?" I always struggle with that question but in the end I always give her the same answer. I say that as long as you and I both want to be in this relationship and we are still willing to go through what challenges that may come for the both of us, the the answer is Yes. Somehow, I cannot let go of this believe. I find it hard to accept that even when two people put all their heart and soul into their relationship, it still fails. Why is it that divorces are so common? Do people always fall out of love? Coming from a broken home, I still struggle to understand what is it that keeps two people together permanently. Why is it that so many relationships fail after many years but some remain for life?
All this brings me to my relationship with darling. I love her very much and I have been one hundred percent committed to this relationship. Even when we fight (like today) I always know that I love her and that this small fight is not enough to break us. When the heart fails to feel, the head reminds and when the head hesitates, the heart guides us. That is how I always remind myself that I love her. I learnt some years ago that
love is not just a feeling, it is an act. If you love someone, then
love her. Not just by feeling it, but by staying loyal, by caring, by taking care of her, by making sacrifices, and by always know the difference between how you feel at the moment and how you truly feel about that person. A lot of people get confused about that.
They tend to associate how they feel at the moment with how they feel about that person. Thankfully, with me and darling it's not like that. I am extremely proud of the fact that even when we fight, we both have assurance and confidence that we both love each other. It gives you a solid platform and makes you realise that this fight is not something that will rock and shake this relationship, but something that will make you grow stronger and understand each other better. After all, you eventually have to learn how to communicate with your loved one if you are to stand a chance to endure the test of time. But then, in a relationship, the learning is continuous and never ending.
I just had a fight with daring. But when she shut the door in front of me and sped of in the taxi, I know that underneath her anger and rage, there is a side of her that just wanted to hug me and tell me she loves me, just like she knows I love her. I am not worried because I'm sure in no time, we will be on the phone again, telling each other how much we love each other. Let me assure you, love is not just a feeling, if it was there wouldn't be the saying "Love makes the world go round."
M.I.A: Missing in Action
Well, i think it has been ages since i last bloged. i haven't excatly forgotten about this blog, only that i have been extremely busy and when i am online, there are certain people that are around that make it difficult to blog comfortably. So after a long break, here i am again.
A lot has been happening of late. There was the TARC carnival which took up virtually all of my time last weekend. I barely had time for my darling, but unlike in the past, i decided that i should not be too selfless and sacrifice what is important to me for something that may seem more urgent but not necessarily more important. So i did not totally commit all my time to the carnival counter, and i spent whatever time that i could with my darling, after all i'm very sure the rest of those guys did the same. If they could take time off to go for both the orientation oddesey and the talen time, why am i not entitiled to my own time off right? But it was great fun. On the first day, we did horribly because we had terrible prizes. I mean for RM5, the maximum you could get is in Excel drink! come on! If i were a visitor i would NEVER go for our counter game! But we still managed the impossible and got the second highest sale for the day with RM 319. Pathetic right? So we got together after that on Friday night in an EGM (emergency general meeting) and decided that dolls were the order for the day.
Of course none of us were really concentrating on what had to be done. I had an unfinished assignment to be submitted the next morning by 10am and it was 10 pm already. Needless to say, there was going to be a sleepless night. But alls well ends well and basically, i got the assignment handed in and the counter was doing great business. Our sales shot up tp RM1000 something and we gave away a whole bunch of dolls. In between running from the counter in college to my darling, i managed to meet her uncle on Saturday night. Nice man, but very different. Likes fishing, farts around freely at home and was born in China. Gave me an open invitation to go fishing on Sundays. I'm not sure what he thinks of me, but i think i may have been a little too thick skinned during dinner, seeing how i ate like a pig and totally not minding my manners, gobbling up everything in sight. I think i must have over did it. I was just trying to be myself, not showing that i was uncomfortable and just act naturally. maybe just a little too natural i guess. I had rice sticking out of my lips and i think i ate the most! What a first impression. And while i was busy consuming everything in sight, i barely said anything, just smiling a lot. Maybe they thought i had Down Syndrome!
But i think it was ok, darling's uncle seemed fine with me, he isnt a person of many words, but i tried creating some conversation whenever possible. So now that the carnival is out of the way, i have 5 more weeks til the final exam. all is not well in that area, and major studying effort has to be put in if i am to have any chance of scoring an A. Meanwhile, i just got the very horrible news that Pa has lost his job in Singapore
This undoubtly means bad news. With Pa out of a job, there is no income this means that no income= trouble for us. Honestly, i'm worried about how things are going to turn out for us. I don't have a lot of money left with me and i'm not exactly a great saver. But then we'll see how it goes. May God Bless us for a little while longer
Flying on 1 wing
That's how its been feeling these few days. Few days ago, I sent my darling of to college or boarding school. It was all very hectic and I didn't have time to rest until it was too late. I was pretty much too preoccupied, rushing too many things at once that caused me to fall sick. Among the things that were on my list
1. Do six people's worth of worrying for an assignment due on Monday and its already Thursday.
2. Worry about Darling whose facing very new challenges
3. Finding proper excuse for undone tutorials.
as you can see, I'm not good at making lists.
But anyway by the time it was night, I still had to secretly meet my dad coming down from Singapore because we were getting shoes secretly without my step mom knowing. So in the end, at 2 I was done and exhausted. 20 hours without rest. And I felt the fever coming.
next day, couldn't walk, eat, barely talk.. and I was all alone... no darling. I was thinking, is this my body's reaction to her absence? maybe. But I was still sick... for 4 days. To make a long story short I just got well today, still not having any appetite.
Falling sick and not having your loved one around is like trying to fly with one wing. Create a lot of commotion, but barely being able to fly anywhere, just a lot of mess. I did manage, by just sleeping it off. But nothing beats the feeling of being taken care of when you are ill. So when my darling was back for the weekend. I took the opportunity to soak up all I can! Needless to say, it is not just medicine that heals. When my darling was around, I instantly felt better, or that I might get well at any moment,
when you are with your loved one, the pain doesn't feel that bad. the aches don't bother that much, and strength just seem to flow out of you. What can I say, LOVE heals. After all, love is a verb. So for now, I am feeling better, just starting to miss my darling. Darling, if you read this, I love you very much, I wish you were here, but that's ok, you do what you have to do, and I'll be right here waiting for you.
