Forthnights

I want to be someone else

As the world faces another round of humanitarian crisis in Dili and Indonesia, im facing a mini personal crisis


You see, last week i went over to the cyber cafe as always to send some email and do some surfing. But when i came out of the place, ready to go home i discovered one shocking thing; my motorbike was gone! I walked towards where i parked it and the spot where the bike used to be was empty. I initally thought someone moved it out of the way, but as my hand reached into my trouser pocket, i realised the horrible truth.

I had practically gift wrapped my motorbike and sent it as a present to some willing thieft. I left my keys on the bike.

Now, this is not the first time something like this has happened. On many many other occasions, i have been too absent minded and just plain careless with my belongings. But all of those times, the loss was either minor or i got lucky and nothing happened. But this time, i had no such luck. In other words, i had it coming.


For the past few days i have been dreading about this loss. It stilla aches to think or talk about it,especially since it is squarely my fault 100%, therefore, i will refrain from going on about how significant this loss is to me emotionally, perhaps later when im slightly more clear minded. BUt i will say this; THe lost of that bike has hurt me alot, and it was about more than just loosing a bike. It is my intergity, my reliability. I am at a crossroads it seems, at least emotionally. That night, i confided in my girlfriend saying "I hate the person i am now. Im sick of being who i am. I want to be someone else." I hate my weaknesses, i hate the kindo of person i am now; absent minded, careless, late comer, forgetful, laid back, procrastinator....

I want to be someone else. As much as i think i have potential, it has all remained just that. Potential. Unharvased, unused, just put aside for storage. I wish i could just spin myself into a caccoon and emerge a new man, but it's not that simple. i wish i could just wipe away these demons in my head and be the person i know i can become....

In the mean time, i am left to lick my wounds, ponder on my loss, reflect on my charater and attempt the impossible task of becoming someone else; someone still hiding underneath all my weaknesses, waiting to be set free, and of course try to find a way to go around now that i dont have transportation!

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 3:12 pm Comments: 3