Forthnights

Time to move on

The trip up north went smoothly without much incident.

We left KL at 4am in the morning, hoping to arrive there by the break of day. Initially, both my parents didn’t sleep, saying they couldn’t sleep in a moving car. But by 6am, the both of them were asleep, with me at the wheel driving.

I have made many trips up north for the past decade. All with the purpose of seeing my mother. Though I didn’t like the traveling and waiting in the bus, I felt that it was the least I could do for my mother. I used to dread having to see the house again, having to face the neighbours there. But also, I was glad to come back since it would mean seeing my mother again and knowing if she is well and it was also a sort of homecoming to my childhood house.

But this would probably be the last trip I make.

We arrive there 8.30 am in the morning. I must have been going faster than expected. We started clearing the things in the house and taking the things we wanted. We had to leave behind many of the things there; bed, fridge, pots and pans, tv, linen, drawers, cabinets. I confess I was a bit sad to let these things be go. After all, the next owner would probably just throw them away. I knew we couldn’t accommodate all the things so we had to leave them behind. But many of these things were part of the environment which I grew up in. My mothers wool blanket which I used to set up a small ‘tent’ inside the house and play camping; the old sewing machine, where I sat on the foot paddle and pretended to be a race car driver. My own room; where my brother and I swear we could see a monsters shadow on the window pane.

But we had to leave them behind, I knew that. But I couldn’t help but feel heavy and nostalgic about having to let all these things go. In the end, I just kept the steel plate and bowl that I used as a kid. It was my plate as a kid since my parents would not allow me to use the porcelain ones, fearing I would break them. Somehow, I couldn’t allow that to be thrown away. Its strange I know.

As I washed my hands at the sink, I heard a squeak as I turned the tap off. But it wasn’t just any squeak. That same tap, unchanged over the years was still giving out the same squeak as a kid. I hated doing the dishes when I was young and that squeaking sound only managed to annoy me further. But now, though my hands were already clean, I couldn’t resist turning the tap a few more times just to hear that squeak again. It’s crazy I know.

The interested buyer came to the house to take a look, bringing along her son, in-laws, siblings and what seemed like the entire neighbourhood with her. There were suddenly waves and waves of people coming into the house, looking around, commenting here and there. People from a few streets away came all the way just to take a peep. It seemed like it was quite an event for them. “That’s why I don’t like small towns. Everybody is a busybody.” I said to my mother. She just smiled and laughed. After all the commotion died down, we were ready to leave the house and go to the lawyers office to settle the bill and return to KL.

As I drove out the driveway and looked back, I though of my old dog Baxter, running and playing at the porch, barking at people passing. This was where I last saw him 12 years ago.I remember many times when I came visiting my mother in this house; Whenever it was time to go, I would be close to tears. I hated staying and living there during the holidays, but I hated having to walk away from my mother even more. I would just say to myself “Hang on ma, ill come back the next chance I get.” And I would swear to myself I would come back even if I hated it, for my mothers sake. The same house were I saw my mother lying naked on the floor crying her heart out in front of all to see as my fathers hand firmly led my brother and I away. Its sad I know.

To make a long story short, we paid up our outstanding bills and signed the sales and purchase agreement at the lawyers office and made our way home. In the car, I could tell both my parents were a little down about the matter. It seems individually had some cherished or dreaded memory of that place too, though they didn’t say what they were. It was clear that the house embodied many of our family struggles and perhaps some good times. “Look at it this way ma, let the selling of this house signify the closing of one chapter in your life and hopefully this new chapter would be a happier one. It’s time to move on.” I said. She smile and patted me on the lap.

It is time to move on.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 10:40 pm Comments: 0