Forthnights

When it rains, it doesnt trickle, it pours.

As i came walking home from college, i received an unexpected call from my neighbour. He told me he was with my mother and that she wanted to go home. I knew she was trying to go back up north. Hurrying home, i thanked the neighbour for keeping her company and not let her just go off like that.

She had her bags all packed up and was ready to leave. She had gone to the back for some strange reason, even though she had no account in that particular bank. My guess is that she wanted to aske why the bank had repossesed her house. I brought her into the house along with all her bags. I had to energy to be angry or to be upset. I just told her to give me her keys. She refused initially, but i just kept repeating myself until she gave them to me. I told her frankly but calmy that i will not let her go because its not the right thing for her to do. SHe insisted that she had to go back because of her convictions. I told her "If you are able to convince me that you should indeed go, i will give you your keys and you will be free to go. She said she had to go back to take her books, that she wanted to do charity work throught the red crescent and stuff. But it was all just a cover for something deeper. I had no heart to argue with her. I just said i will be keeping her key until she convinced me otherwise

That night, after i came home from giving tuition, she was in a bad mood. She was badgering/scolding/pleading for me to return her key. I had been careful to lock the front grill door. SHe said my brother insisted that i be given enough freedom. She said she needed the key in case there was a fire. I said "If Jynn really asked me to return you your keys, i would. But my judgment tells me i shouldnt. Tell me, what is the first thing you would do once i return you your keys?" She kept quite. When i served her her medication, she started to get angry. She said i was giving her an overdose. She broke the tablets into half and only took half. At that, i took the tablest and put it into her mouth myself and offered her her water. I gave her no choice and she drank down the water. She tried tricking me by dropping the tablet on the floor, pretending to have already swallowed it. But i caught it. After drinking it she said to me "I really hate you. "

Now, no matter how many times you hear it, no one ever gets used to being told those words, especially by your own mother. As i walked out of the room, those words were playing on my hear. She hates me. Though defiantly i replied to her that i didnt care, deep down, i did. I knew she didnt like me forcing her to take her medication. I try comforting myself, telling myself it is the right thing to do. To give in and play along to her wishes will only is no always the right thing to do. S0metimes you have to be mean to do the right thing. But was it the right thing? Taking her key away effectively lockes her in into a prison, though i have made sure there is plenty of food and water for her at home. But did i go too far in taking her keys away? I feel strongly that it is for her own good. But my brothers argument from the last time lingers in my head. Is it right to lock her up like a prisoner? I feel tempted to just give her the keys and let her do whatever she wants, ridding myself of this responsibility. I had enough on my hands even without this problem. The temptation of just turning a blind eye and not wanting to care was almost too hard to resist. Afterall, she is my mother and an adult. Why shouldnt she be given the freedom to do what she wants.

Her appointment is this MOnday, but she had refused to go. She claims she has spent too much on seeing the doctor. She know she tried to take half her medication to make it last longer. i sense that this Monday would be a tricky situation. My father wants to come along, and my brother even offered to take a day off to accompany her there, but i feel that even getting her to come along may prove to be a challenge. The worse case scenario would be us having to physically force her to the clinic. But if it really had to come to that, she is better of in the hospital. I hope it doesnt come to that. The last time i had to physically carry my mother, it was last year when she was at her worst and i have to wish to see another repeat.


What a life. Problems dont seem to come one at a time like the rain, a drop at a time. To me, its more like someone pouring a pail of water on your head.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 10:20 am Comments: 1