That day.. so many years ago (II)
As I sat there waiting, watching the day go by, I had totally forgotten about eating until a nurse came over and offered me a hot drink with some biscuits. By that time, my mother showed some signs of awareness. Her eyes were now open and she seemed to look around once in a while. I tried breaking some of the biscuits for her to eat, but she didn’t manage to eat any of it. Quietly, I just ate and drank, surprised that I could even eat. Its not a common sight and I think its never easy for people to see their loved ones in bed in hospital, no matter what the reason. The feeling of helplessness and frustration in not being able to do anything is enough to tear your emotions into pieces. I knew there was nothing much I could do left except to keep her company until it was time to go.
When to go? That was another issue. I think if nothing happened, I would have stayed there the night. But by 6pm, the nurse told me visiting hours were up and I had to leave. Reluctantly, I carried my bag, straightened my uniform and gently tugged at my mother. When she opened her eyes, I told her I was leaving and that I would come back tomorrow. I’m not sure if she got what I was saying since there was little reaction from her. Nonetheless, it was with a very heavy heart that I left the ward and headed to the lobby.
Again the stares from the people around me made me feel uncomfortable. I was in uniform, and anyone could have easily assumed that I was playing truant from school, but nothing could be further from the truth. Down at the lobby, I was faced with what I hope was the last obstacle I had to face for the day. How to go home? I was about 20kms away from home and my pockets were empty. Quickly going through my possible candidates, I decided to use my precious last coins to call my cousin which had a car. Now, I didn’t like calling on fathers relatives, especially on things concerning my mother since they had a falling out many years ago, but I was out of options. Half an hour later, I was on the way home, and of course I had to explain what had happened to my cousin from start to end. I had no doubt that this would go through the speedy and highly inaccurate family gossip channels.
Arriving home, there was one last surprise. My brother had been clueless as to what happened. Since it was my mothers birthday, he had gone straight to KFC and bought a feast for us to celebrate together. He had been waiting for nearly an hour, bewildered as to where we were. Again, I had to retell the entire story to my brother, but this time with more emotion and detail. It seemed such a cruel twist for my mother to be admitted into hospital on her birthday. The day she was given life was almost the day she lost it.
The next day, I went back to school and had a lot of explaining to do. Strangely, I never told anyone outside my family about it. I never told any of my friends or my teachers. I was contented to let them say I was playing truant or ‘ponteng’ in Malay. There was no one among those friends that I felt I could share it with honestly, and if I had tried, it would have been an half hearted and never do justice to what I was going through. I was afraid that if it came out wrong, what was to me such a heart piercing event would seem like nothing more than a hospitalization.
How did it end? 2 days later when my brother went to visit her again, he saw her walking out of the hospital on her own, ready to leave whether or not my brother came. She had taken out the i.v. drip herself, found her own clothes, put them back on and walked straight out the front door, without settling the bill.
Talk about making an entrance and exit.
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 4:46 pm
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