Forthnights

Sharing?

Im not sure why, but i tire easily nowadays. Maybe its my health thats been going down. Maybe its that im not getting enough rest. Maybe its because i walk around carrying a tonne of burden on my shoulders. I have been told (and know for a fact) that i dont share easily with others. Others say its hard for them to open up to people. Im not sure if i face the same problem. I know that i can open up to people if i wanted to, but alot of the times, i just dont want to. I do not share easily with people because there are not many people that i want to share my thoughts, worries, insecurities and burdens with. The reason being that i feel many of the people around me are more concern with themselves than with others. Naturally, people are more immersed in their own problems, and that being so, i often avoid opening up and sharing my problems, not because i do not want to trouble them, but because I doubt they will fully understand or be concerned about what i am telling them.

The lack of candidates for me to confide is also due to my mistrust of some. It is just so hard to find someone to tell something to and be assured that that piece of information will not be passed on to others. i have experienced that betrayal of trust before. I have since learnt that 9 out of 10 people WILL eventually at some point reveal things that they know perfectly well they arent supposed to. Maybe thats why i sometimes prefer to confide in friends who are not directly involved in my day to day activities, because they tend to listen and emphasize better, and not merely provide an open ear, and they can tell what they know to people around them with little consequence. If it was someone directly involved daily in my life, then rumours will start to circulate, and suddenly, others seem to know more about you then you know yourself.

I confess i have a problem sharing, but it is not because of lack of interpersonal skills or a dysfunctional character, but because i find it hard to find suitable people to share and confide in. Even someone that you have known for years and trust explicitly may be double dealing you. Good friends are hard to find as i have learnt the hard way.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 6:56 pm Comments: 0