Swapping mom for dad
So finally, i did tell my brother and father."I've had enough. I dont want to deal with her anymore. I cant afford to come home everyday facing this. Ive got things i need to do, ive got studies to deal with, ive got a thesis to write due next week."
Well, they didnt offer much resistance.. My brother just agreed, and hopefully within this few days, my brother and i will 'swap' parents.....She'll go there and he'll come here.
She doesnt want to, and when i told it to her, she refuses, saying that she is capable of taking care of herself here. Just now, i had to knock on her door for 15 minutes just to get her to open the door, just to ask her to take her medication. I cant afford to be putting up with all this trauma at a time like this. Its bad enough that i have problems of my own, conflicts of my own, demons of my own; having to deal with her now is just not an option from me.
Her medication is running out. But i have briefed my brother about it, and i have told HIM to take her to the hospital for a change. I dont want to do it. My father asked me "Why? Are you so tired of dealing with her already?" My asnwer was a definite yes.
Read my lips... I AM TIRED.... I AM EXHAUSTED... emotionally.... spiritually....
I need an instant boast of morale... i need dose of positive energy.... I need to be surrounded by positive people... or at the least, people who care... But then, almost everyone around seems to be suffering from some sort of problem.....
I find myself staring at the ceiling, lost in the music, staring at my phone; waiting for someone, anyone to make some sort of connection to me. Its ironic; the cell phone. 24 hours connected, always a call away, always in touch... but when you stare it it the whole day, and not a call or message comes in, it just remind you just how alone you are! Or maybe its just people like me who experience such things. I know of people who have mesages come in by the dozens... man, how do you get so many friends knocking on your door step?
In other news.... my dad is supposed to relocate to Johor by the 1st of december, so i guess ill be missing a dad again. We managed to fish open da car door... through some clever improvisation of cloths hanger and determination! Hopefully, things will start to change for the better.... Even if it came tomorrow... it wasnt soon enough
posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 1:14 am
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