Forthnights

Private struggles of an anonymous blogger....

Heartache, heartache, and just more heartache; just what is a man to do in such times?

Drama and heartache seems to be regular feature in this very long and never ending soap opera of life. The episodes run to the thousands, it gets boring, it gets tiresome, and it gets frustrating.

Guess who gate crashed my party? Who else? Good old mom, that’s who! Of course, I wasn’t really having a party at all. Just stayed home, doing my work and oh ya… I’m sick……

Felt it coming on Friday, and by Saturday, I was down with a flue. Its really annoying actually. You are not sick enough to just lie in bed the entire day, but you’re not fit enough to do the things you want, and you cant talk long sentences with a blocked nose, of else you’d suffocate.

I received a call from my brother middle of the night, and he sounded distressed. It turned out my mother had packed her bags and gone while he was out. Where did she go? When will she be back? Will she be ok? Somehow, the same questions do not spark the same kind of emotionally response as it did when it happened for the first time. After what seemed like half a dozen times of going off without informing us, my reaction has turned from “What? Lets go look for her now!” to “Oh, she did it again? I see. Lets just wait for her call.” There was nothing much we could do about the matter anyway.

The next morning, my brother gave me another call. But this time it wasn’t about my mother, it was about his dog. It seems the poor dog has been howling non stop when my brother is not around, which eventually got to the Malay neighbours. They came banging on his door complaining. We tried finding a home for the dog, but there was no one willing to take him in. Come afternoon, my brother gives me another call. “I have given Doby away,” he tells me. I was shocked. How? When? Who? Why? He gave poor Doby to the local animal shelter, where there are a hundred other dogs to be put up for adoption, or put to sleep.

I don’t think I want to go on again about how we first got that dog again despite objections. But I confess myself somewhat broken hearted at the news. I loved that dog to pieces! He’s such a handsome and loving dog. Naughty yes, but still, he is a loyal and loving dog. He hasn’t known any other master except us, no other home, except with us. To just give him away like that just feels so wrong. It feels like abandoning your own child. The dog loves and trusts us, and abandoning him just seems like a betrayal. I didn’t even get to say goodbye, didn’t even get to pat him and hug him. I miss him so much! But I’ll talk more about him next time.

The day started to look like an endless stream of phone calls, all bearing some sort of bad news. Next one I got was from an unknown number. True to my suspicion, it was her. She was in General Hospital, and asked me to pick her up. I was upset. She just went of like that, and now she’s asking me to pick her up like everything was ok. I did pick her up, but I didn’t talk much to her. Arriving home, I gave her a piece of my mind telling her to not ask me to fetch her the next time she decided to go on one of her adventures. She went to the hospital to get her medication for high blood pressure. She didn’t want the one I got for her. Of course, staying at my brothers for 2 days didn’t make her loose any of her temper. In fact, she seemed even more eager to argue, raising her voice and shouting even before I did, launching into an endless flurry of attacks on my father, girlfriend, and yours truly.

The next 2 phone calls were equally taxing.

I called my brother, and we went into an argument about what to do with her. I asked him when he was going to take her away. “What is that supposed to mean?” he asked defensively. I said that she was supposed to be at his place, now that she’s back her, is he going to take her? He got angry and said “So, you just want me to drop everything and come take her?” He said even if he took her, she would still do as she pleases, and he suggested that that was what we should do, just let her do as she wishes. I asked him directly “Are you going to take her or not? What do you want to do with her?” He replied “I want to let her just do as she wishes. We just make sure she is ok.”

To make a long story short, he wasn’t going to take her. He felt that since my mother was more comfortable here, we should let her be. He said that the solution wasn’t as simple as just stuffing her with medicine. She needed emotionally support too. I told him that was the reason I want her there. I am exhausted and cant offer that support to her. I wanted her there so that I can recuperate. My relationship with her has gone from bad to worse ever since all this started. The next few lines that came from him really disappointed me.

He just told me to let her be and leave her alone (again) and that she will leave me alone. I shot one back at him telling him that was not true. I cant leave her alone, and she wont leave me alone. I cited all sorts of crazy things she did over the month. But he said to me “It looks to me like you are coping pretty well. You still manage to go carolling practice and go to your friends place to do your work. After all, you shut her out when you are at home anyway; you close the door and mind your own business. Just continue on.” You’re right my friend, he can really be such a jerk some times. Hello? Did I not make the part of emotionally exhaustion clear enough? Worst of all, he then told me that I am the one kicking up a fuss, making a big deal out of nothing; that in reality, things weren’t as bad as it seemed, and I was making my own drama. “After all, you are doing fine.”

Wow… that amazing. He tells me I’m doing fine. The next time I need to know how I’m doing, I better ask him. He seems to know me better than myself. Have you ever heard of fatigue? In engineering, all physical material will break; BELOW its usual yielding point after prolong usage, after repeated, constant straining. The break is uncharacteristic of the material’s usual properties. Ductile or brittle, the break happens suddenly, quickly and without any warning. Well, my bones are just fine, but I’m suffering from emotional fatigue; Prolonged, repeated constant emotional strain. For what seemed the tenth time, I said to my brother “I’m tired of dealing with her. I’m emotionally tired, I just need you to take her so I can take a break.” IS THAT SO HARD TO DO?

Anyway, it got us no where. He was more convinced that I just put up with the entire situation and not make things worse. Just leave her alone. He was more in favour of a free for all approach. Let her do as she pleases. The more I tried to take control of things, the more things will spin out of control. I told him I will put up with it for now, but if she’s going to continue like that, I’m going to admit her to the hospital. Again, it sounded hollow after being repeated so many times.

The phone call immediately following this was with my girlfriend. She has been the subject of very fierce attacks from my mother over the pass 2 months, and she was really feeling it. She said she didn’t feel welcomed at all. She said that unless my mother was admitted, she didn’t want to come to the house anymore. We got into an argument. She said I never listen to what she says about admitting her into the hospital. My family has always been a very sore point in our relationship, and my mother in her relapse just makes it that much worse. She was not one bit happy with my brother’s actions. She too felt that my brother was being irresponsible, and that in the end, the burden was left to me. I said it wasn’t that easy. The decision is very much an emotional one as much as rational. If I admit her, it must be for her own sake, not for my girlfriend’s peace of mind. To be fair, these problems aren’t hers at all. She shouldn’t need to put up with it.

So to what end am I writing all this? I don’t know. Maybe some script writer will pick it up and turn it into a boring episode of “Days of our lives” or “The Bold and The Beautiful” or “Private struggles of an anonymous Blogger….” Something like that.

Some much for a peaceful weekend……….

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 7:07 pm Comments: 0