Of father-in-laws
Can you imagine refusing to let your own father stay with you?
Its something my
girlfriend had to do recently. After moving out of our old place, my girlfriend has since settle down with her younger brother a few miles away from the hospital she works at. Her aunt in the
UK sent her a lump sum of cash to rent the place and furnish it so that she and her brother can finally have a home of their home. Her brother recently completed his secondary education and will be moving out of his shelter home, finally staying with his sister after a long long time. Though I do not stay with them, I am very much welcomed in their home, and they ask me to stay over as often as I
can (to the disapproval of my brother).
The last time I heard any news from her father was when I allowed him to stay a weekend in my house. He was in a tight spot then, having just been kicked out of his place and left by his mistress. After that, he left to find somewhere else to stay.
As I had said earlier, the man has not come clean with his past, and has not shown any sincerity in wanting to reconcile with his children. He called her a few days ago, saying he had no place to stay; he had been squatting in friends homes for the past few months. Having no place else to go, he calls his daughter asking for a place to stay.
She was in a dilemma. Taking him in would mean supporting him. He could neither pay the bills nor even support his own self. Since she is still a student nurse, her allowance would hardy be enough. Not wanting to turn him down outright, she said she would consult her younger brother and aunt. Not surprisingly, both said no. The aunt gave strong objections. She said he could stay,
if he took up his full responsibility as a father, pay the bills and support his children. Until he does that, he is just leeching on others, finding a place to stay. Even her brother, who is fondest of him, said no. I guess even he could see that his father was very much a drifter. He offered no
commitment whatsoever, but was merely pleading for a free place to stay. She sent me a message asking for some words for some words of comfort. I told her that her aunt was right. And since she was her benefactor, who paid for almost everything she owns now, her wishes and feelings should be weighted and respected the most. Her father has shown no sincerity in wanting to be a part of their lives. He had not called or made any contact with his children. And the only reason he is doing so now (and previously) is because he needs help. A friend who only comes to you when he needs help is no friend, just a manipulative person looking for a means to an end. What more a father? I said to her “Even your older brother,lost, astray, troubled and screwed up as he might be, calls you just to keep in touch
without asking for anything from you.” How can a man claim to love and care for his children when in action, he has done the opposite? I told her it might feel horrible, but it is the right thing for her to do. Still, she was upset. Having to outright turn him down at his moment of need seemed cruel and unbecoming of a filial daughter. But since when has he ever been a responsible father? An eye for an eye I say.
I told her that some day, she would be able to take him in, but not now, not when she is still yet to be financially independent, not when the man has shown any dedication to anything but his own
wellbeing. I cannot let it pass, and I think neither can her aunt. Her aunt reacted strongly to it and I think I
understand why. When her father left, and her mother feel went missing, my girlfriends aunt took it upon herself to support and care for my girlfriend and her younger brother, even from literally the other side of the world. For half a decade, she sent money monthly, flew back to Malaysia to constantly make sure that her niece and nephew were alright. They were her sisters children, and she couldn’t just let them be. It is because of her will and determination that my
girlfriend and her brother turned out well. And in all these 5 years her father remained conveniently missing. To suddenly show up now, when his children are almost grown up, and expect to be cared for and loved is naïve to say the least. In truth, it is plain selfish and manipulative.
Let him wander I say. Let him fend for himself. A 60 year old man he might be, but old age is no
reason to be excused from punishment. Even 60 year old men get sent to prison, why should he be excused from living with the consequence of his actions; neglecting his children and being unfaithful to his wife? Pleas of leniency for the helpless and defenseless should be thrown out the window considering his son was barely 7 years old when he left him for dead on the means streets of KL; considering he closed an eye and let it be when his daughter was physically
abused, locked up, starved and prevented from going to school for almost an entire year by his wicked mistress.
I find myself surprised at my own feelings I always imagined myself having great reverence and respect fo the father of the woman I love and intend to marry. I imagined myself talking to him about his daughter, expressing just what a wonderful woman she is, and what a great job he did raising such a fine lady, and finally one fine day, asking for her hand in marriage. But from the day I first met her father, I knew that would never be the case. She has grown up to be the
wonderful woman she is, not because of him as a father, but despite of him.
