Forthnights

Mix n Match

A lot seems to be going on in my family. My father moved in with us 3 weeks ago. He is unsure of what to do concerning his marriage, though it looks like its coming to an end. That woman, nasty as she is, has been sending taunting and spiking messages to my father, and my father is at a lost as to what is action should be, whether to file for divorce, let her do it or just let it be. He feels bitter and resentful over what has happened, because after years of tolerance and compromise and leaving his other wife for her, she has refused to give in even a little. She has done all the taking and none of the giving emotionally or any other wise. Even now, at what seems to be the twilight of the relationship, she is arrogant and egoistic towards the entire matter. He has been struggling, trying to succeed in the sales job that he is doing, but with no results, and from my observation, he is losing momentum and steam. Unless something good happens soon, I foresee that his spirit my be totally broken and become a beaten man, bitter and resentful for all that has happened. Coming to stay in our place, he has had trouble adjusting to our way of life. Not having much facilities that people often take for granted like space, a washing machine or TV, he has been restless ever since, trying to fix up things here and there and buying household things, which in his mind, would make the place more livable in. Meeting my mother again after almost 10 years, he feels a sense of guilty and sorrow for what has happened. He stays quiet when she is around and doesn’t say much to her, and she likewise. When I ask him why, he says he’s not sure what to say. Its strange to me that my father left her, so many years ago, got married not once but twice, and now, one has failed, the other on the brink of it, and he finds himself facing his first wife, and the mother to his only children. What an ironic twist of fate.

As for my mother, she is an enigma to me. What would make a person run away, cashless with only the cloths on her back? I don’t know why she ran. I though we reached an agreement that she was to remain in KL, near to us, so that we might have her around and spend time with us. Though she wanted more, wanted to stay with us, this was the most that we could give her. To grant her wish would do more harm than good, even if she doesn’t realize it. All she tells us is that she wants to stay with us, and that she cant stand the home. But isn’t staying in the home, and meeting us 3 times a week for dinner etc better than seeing us a few months once for only a few days? My primary concern for her is her safety. Most people in our old home know that she stays alone, and from what the neighbours tells me, there are strange men who come to the house to see her. From their description, I can identify some as her friends, but many others remain a mystery. I have always harboured a fear that she has been sexually assaulted by men there, and she is afterall defenseless against it. Adding to that, she is mentally ill, with a serious lack of judgment and reasoning. She confessed to me that she tried walking barefooted and with minimal clothes out on the street because she wanted someone to buy a slipper and some cloths for her. According to her, she put her trust totally in God and let Him provide for her. Though I feel betrayed and cheated by her when she ran away, I must carry out my duties as a son, and my first and foremost concern MUST be her safety. Though it is her wish to stay out of the homes without regulations and rules, I cannot let her stay alone unsupervised for her own safety.

My brother got his blood pressure tested recently, and it was 130/100. This is high and a very bad sign. He said he thinks its due to his stress. I told him we are all under a lot of stress now. Instead, it his him not managing and coping with it that is taking a toll on him. Strangely about my brother, he always seems to come to the conclusion that he’s the tragic hero in matters. For the past month, he has done little for my mother except to pay the bill, hardly spending time with her because he is ‘too busy’. But not too busy to play badminton with his friends or go buka puasa with other people. But too busy to spend more that half and hour in two weeks with my mother. I feel very frustrated and disappointed with him. He seems to be NATO. No Action, Talk Only. Imagine my reaction when I heard him say he didn’t want to dictate what my father and I should do concerning my mother, but he hoped I would play a bigger role that the one I am playing now. Somehow he thinks that he has done more, and I haven’t done enough in caring for our mother. No doubt, he has been footing the bills, but what about your physical and emotionally contribution? Or is it that traveling 20kms per trip twice a week using public transport and spending a few hours with her insignificant to footing the bills and making a cameo appearance only once in a while, even if he has a car and lives nearby? He talks about how he is ready to take on the responsibility of caring for our mother. But all that he has done so far is to assume all the authority and little of the responsibility that is involved. He has succumbed to office gossip and joined the gang of boss hater, and wants to change job. He says the boss is a terrible person that cheats and lies and doesn’t appreciate his workers. No doubt, the is some validity in what he says, but he is also to blame for showing up late for work constantly, sometimes an hour late, taking leave unnecessarily and not doing his work properly. When the boss reprimanded him, he took it personally even if he IS guilty, and decided that he is the tragic, innocent, unappreciated staff being hackled and bullied by a scheming, lying and two timing evil boss straight from the gates of hell. (maybe I’m exaggerating, but that is certainly the tone he takes) He is delusional of the realities around him, and is choosing to see things the way he wants it. He thinks he is doing a great job as a son, that it is me that hasn’t been doing enough and he is being treated undeservingly by a mean boss, but he is only half correct. When you point your finger(index) at others, you point 3 more at yourself

My girlfriend dislikes my brother, because she feels he is a boaster cock and egoistic. Similarly, my brother shares the same distrust and dislike for her. But they both put up with each other because of me. Both know that because of their relation with me, they have to maintain goodwill between them, but that doesn’t mean there is no ill feelings, and yours truly receives the lashing from both sides. Of all the things going wrong in my life, I’m glad my relationship with her is not one of them, except for a few minor arguments. I haven’t been spending much time with her because of all the commitments and responsibilities that I have been holding for the past month. Try juggling between mounting homework and studies, a mentally ill mother, a grieving father, an emotional brother and a short fused girlfriend and tell me how you fare. She has been having stress of her own in work and studies, and I am grateful that instead of being an additional load for me, she has been a pillar for me to support on. My father told me it was very different for him when he has no one to relate to and support him, and that it affects his esteem. I understand now where some of the strength and support is coming from. Her only constant complain is that the house is always messy and dirty no matter how many times she clears it. She gets very mad when my brother and father (and I) mess up the place or don’t keep things properly. She also gets annoyed that my brother wallops all the foods like biscuits, dried meat and chocolate before others even get a taste of it. But overall, she gives me the least problems and the most support, for which I am grateful.

To top it all off, there is my cousin, the anti-social guy. It has been 2 years since he is here and he never goes out with his college friends. He ALWAYS eats dinner at home, alone, ALWAYS is in front of the computer playing games or watching movie for hours, ALWAYS go back straight after class. I wonder how is it possible for him to study here for so long and not make anything more that just regular friends. He NEVER helps with any of the house work and seem to create mess around the house too. He runs in the room the minute there is guest in the house, jumps on the computer the minute it is free and is always with his head facing down. I feel sorry for him sometimes, for his lack of ability to socialize and make friends. Not that he is incapable, just that he refuses to come out of his little snail shell.

So put these 5 people together, put me in the mix plus a dog and imagine us all living in a 2 room flat, roughly the size of 3 or 4 badminton courts and what do you get? Nothing pleasant I assure you.

posted by Compulsive Blogger @ 7:30 pm Comments: 0